.::. Frozen .::.

It's way too cold, I'm freezing. It has been snowing alot these days and temperatures fluctuate up and down. Weather forecasts predicts snow for the next few days too.



I went ice-skating with some coursemates on Saturday, and it was so cold. My toes went numb.

The view from my balcony.

Walking to the bus-stop.

Somewhere near the ice-skating place.

It's been 2 weeks since I'm back in Sweden. Time flies. Maybe it's because of the 3 weeks back in Singapore that made me have to get used to the cold all over again. Maybe it's just simply colder. I hate the wind hitting my face, it is as if my face is going to crack open soon. The winter landscape is beautiful though. But sometimes, it's snowing so much that buses stop services, trains are delayed for hours. It's really inconvenient, not to mention all clothes you have to pile on before going out.

I still manage to get homesick somehow. It's like a dull ache that is always there. I'm going to feel it more during CNY. *sigh. I do cherish every moment here though there are down moments.

Lectures are going into full force, I seem to have more lessons this semester and alot to read and research about. It's so hard to concentrate and digest so many journals at times. I shall work very hard until Easter holidays after exams. I'm probably going to Poland with the roommate and her friends before flying to Holland to visit Simon (Jo's cousin whom I've known for 10 years). *yayyy. Looking forward to it. =)

17 weeks.

.::. Acer .::.

This was what I gave up macbook pro for.

It's 13.3 inches, super slim, very light at 1.6kg with 3GB RAM, 320GB HDD and 8 hours battery life!

Macbook pro weighs 50% more AND costs 50% more, with much lesser HDD, slower processor (though it's impossible to compare), and shorter battery life.

Maybe the operating system is unbeatable, but I've Windows 7. Hahs.

Perhaps another 5 years before I can contemplate a switch to Apple...

This is good for a poor student though. Did I mention that my dad loves Acer? It's cheap. I have an Acer laptop which works on Pentium that is still working after 8 years or so. My old Acer has been working for 5 years without much problems, and should still last for some time after a change of hardisk.

So yea...iMac maybe?

.::. iPad .::.

The talk of the town world.

Need I say more?


Internet surfing.

Youtube.

ebooks.

Applications.

It was on the front page of the free Swedish newspaper today. I see girls gasping excitedly when they saw their friend reading the newspaper with THE frontpage, grabbing it to check this out.

My switch to macbook wasn't successful 5 years ago, isn't successful now either. But I love such gadgets, who could resist Apples.

I have been thinking, if I were to get a new phone, would I get an iPhone? Honestly, I don't think so. I think I'll get a Blackberry since I prefer buttons and high-tech phones, preferably with a good camera to boot (comes in handy when my Ixus is spoilt like now). But then, I love the mobile uploads and some photo applications for iPhone.

The perfect solution? A blackberry, an iTouch and an iPad!

Lust. Just lust.

.::. SNOW(storm) .::.

I know I said I loved snow about 2 months ago, but all I want is for the snow to go away now! It was fun to see the weather turning cold and for the rain to turn to snow, but now, snow really brings lots of inconvenience to everyday life...

I joined the school gym with Emma and my roommate (it's only SGD$80 for the whole semester). We have been going rather often (twice last week). It's great to start exercising again! I was supposed to meet Emma to go to the gym this evening, but it has been snowing really heavily the whole day. I looked out of the window and the wind and snow looks daunting. Moreover, my roommate told me that trains were delayed and I dreaded walking on dirty snow with colder-than-ice wind blowing in my face. So...I ended up staying indoors, hiding at home.




Snow storm today.

Snow is accumulating on my windows!

Even my balcony is covered with a thick layer of snow! My sheltered balcony!!!

A sea of white out there.

Very cold. Very difficult to walk. I don't feel like going out in the cold. *sigh.

I couldn't video it down, because my Ixus is spoilt! There is a lens error. I brought it to Kiruna and wanted to video dog-sledging. Who knows, it was too cold and the battery couldn't work. The lens came out for abit before going back inside when the camera 'died'. When I came back indoors and changed the battery, there is a lens error and I couldn't on it anymore. Very upseting! =(

Siao ar?! Very cold.

How to go out?!!

.::. Cold .::.

Did I mention that it is freezing here? It's crazy. I do not wear leggings under my jeans and sometimes it gets alittle too cold despite my very thick jacket. I hate it when it is windy, because my face feels like it is going to crack like my lips. It's going to be even colder on Thursday and I can't hide at home because I have classes. =( It's even cold indoors with the heater on, about 10 to 15 degrees. That explains why I feel like air-conditioned malls feel hot and stuffy back hoe.

I'm hiding at home, trying to read my stack of journals. Ahhh, I dislike journals, textbooks are easier to digest.

Webcam-ing with the dog is loves. Sometimes it appears that he is looking at me and could hear what I say, other times he just looks very blur and suspicious of the sounds. Really cute, that boy.

I've got my first high pass in school! Hahas, but I don't think I'll manage to get that again since my previous group was really strong and proactive. Group work usually pulls me down and I'm not strong enough to pull the whole group up, so I always end up missing it by a few points. *sigh. Guess I can only try my best.

18 weeks! 8 weeks of school, then thesis and I'm done. *yay.

Oh, and I'm very touched that even my ex-tuition kid remembered my birthday!

.::. Kiruna .::.

It was my first time traveling alone and I struggled for quite some time, trying to envision myself going all the way there, trying to anticipate what I would feel. It was the 3rd time I'm booking tickets to Kiruna, and for some reasons, my travel companions always couldn't make it last minute. I really thought hard, because it's a 22 hour train ride from where I stay and it's so cold up north, easily -25 degrees. I'm not afraid of being alone, but when it comes to traveling alone, I'm most concerned about safety and logistics! There's the part where nobody could take care of your stuff for you or being all alone and lost when it's so freaking cold.

I decided on going in the end, because I've been wanting to visit the ice-hotel for years! I'm afraid that I might not have time when school reopens as this semester is very packed. I would really leave Sweden with regrets if I came here and didn't visit the ice-hotel! Thus, I arrived 'home' in the morning after 11 hours on the plane and hopped on the train to Kiruna in the afternoon for another 22 hours on the train. It was rather tiring though.

It was cold, but the weather is alot better, no more snow storms and train delays! I slept a whole 12 hours on the train. Afterall, I need all the energy.

Despite being prepared for the cold, I was freezing when I got down the train. The wind was rather strong. Maybe because it is the 2nd day I'm back in Sweden after 3 weeks in Singapore's tropical climate too. For a moment, I felt rather lost. The place was pretty much desserted, without people in sight. I'm armed with the map to make it to my hostel, but there were no road names. All I see is heaps of snow everywhere. Roads are different from those on the maps as they only clear some roads of snow for people to walk. Alas, I managed to find my hostel not long after and deposited my bag while I made my way to the ice-hotel.

Things didn't go quite smoothly. The whole town was desserted. People gave me conflicting information. It seems like that there were no public buses running on weekends (damn them). I was too late to book any tours to get to the ice-hotel. In short, I was stucked in a desserted town with nobody on the streets, really cold winds and no shops open. I was feeling deperate for abit. I came so far for the ice-hotel and there's no way that I'm leaving without visiting it. I managed to make my way in the end though. I had to take the taxi and luckily, the reception arranged transportation for me to get back to my hostel after the visit (at a good price).

I spent the whole afternoon at ice-hotel. It wasn't that big, but the suites were quite beautiful. I loved the church and some of the rooms. But after the whole afternoon outside, I was quite cold by the time it was evening. I couldn't believe that I was finally there. The whole idea of building a hotel using ice and snow, and then having it melt down in summer and rebuilt again in winter fascinates me though I'll never want to sleep in there!

One of the bad thing about traveling yourself is that you can't have many pictures of yourself. I can totally imagine posing for all sorts of pictures if I were with my friends!

I went back to the hostel early and rested since it was so cold and desserted outside anyway! I was staying in a 4-bedroom dorm with another dutch girl. She was also traveling alone! We had dinner and tea together before she went to chat up others while I went online and went to bed at 9pm.

The next day, the tour guide picked me up at the hostel and I started my 2 day tour. We drove about 30 minutes out of the city to a small camp to change into snow boots and snow pants. There was another group of 6 french and german students on the same tour. Thankfully, they were nice and I didn't feel left out.

We got ready and helped to lead the dogs out to an area where they can eliminate and prepare for dog-sledging. It was quite saddening for me, to see them being locked in boxes just slightly bigger than them all the time. They were howling and dying to get out. When we let them out, they eliminated and was dying to run. Maybe the dogs are so obedient and willing to pull sledges because they've been locked in for so long and were dying to get out and run. *sigh.

Dog-sledging was fun! Especially when you were standing behind and 'driving' it. We had to step on the brakes to control the speed and to make sure that the line joining the dogs were taut to prevent any accidents. We went on for about 30 minutes before we reached the camp site which was near the intersection of 2 rivers, which were half-frozen. It was beautiful!

It was a very traditional camp site. We had to saw firewood for the fireplace and get water from the river. We BBQed sausages in this small hut with a fire burning and had lunch in the kitchen, the only small hut which had heating. The tour was quite cheap actually, but we were taken care of by an indigenous Sami guy who was probably not socialized enough or too proud and rude. It wasn't really that bad, but it's just difficult to be relaxed and enjoy around him. He says things which makes you roll your eyes all the time.

Before long, it was dark and we went out in search of norther lights. We lay on the snow for awhile but decided to head back when it was getting too cold. Only 2 french guys decided to venture out somemore, and they were the only people who spotted nothern lights for 20 minutes or so that night. *sigh! The rest of the night was spent chatting and going out again in search of norther lights. I gave up at midnight and went to sleep in the cold Lappish hut. It was rather cold inside despite the fireplace but thankfully, it was warm in the sleeping bag.

We woke up early for breakfast the next day. The germans wanted to go skiing, so we put on rather traditional wooden skiies and went out 'skiing'. It was more like cross country skiing, not the traditional ski resort downhill slopes. I was so clumsy on my skiies and the route was uphill! We were skiiing uphill in the forest covered in thick snow and I kept sliding down. I gave up after like 200m, after I fell and seriously thought that it was dangerous. I might just fall backwards and roll down the hill, hitting god-knows how many trees!

3 other guys who weren't good at skiing headed back with me. It was dangerous for beginners like us and we were sweating buckets, not having fun at all. We ended up following another trail and hiked instead. It was beautiful, the surrounding area. We walked in thick snow to get better views and angles for pictures. Luckily we had snow boots and snow pants on and had no problems even when the snow was up to our knees! Those guys were actually quite nice and looked out for me, I'm thankful to have met nice people on this solo trip.

After spending the whole morning outside, we tried ice fishing. It involved drilling a hole in the frozen lake so that we can put our fishing line into the water through the thick ice. It was no fun at all, because we jolly-well know that there was no fishes at that area. We basically squatted there, holding the fishing rod in the cold wind and took pictures. The german guy described it the best - "Fishing is boring. Ice-fishing is cold AND boring.'

We had lunch after that and it was time to go. We went back by snow mobile this time round. I've no idea what's so exciting about snow mobile. It's just like a sturdy motorcycle which goes on snow. We drove really slowly for safety reasons since we had a load behind, but you could easily go more than 100km/hr on it. I didn't like it, because it was noisy and smelly - you could smell the diesel smell all the time. The scenery was beautiful when we drove back, as the sun was setting.

That marked the end of my first solo trip. We went back to change out of our snow boots and snow pants before going to the supermarket. The tour guide sent me to the train station where I waited for my train and another 22 hour train ride back 'home'.

I must be alittle crazy to go all the way there alone right after a 11 hour flight. I'm not sure what made me do it, but I reckon that if you want something enough, you would push aside all fears and obstacles to do it. I went knowing that it was a very safe place with virtually no crime (nor many people). I'm not sure if I'd dare to travel around Europe alone though, where there are many not-so-safe places. It's not worth the fear and risk.

When I was back in Singapore this time round, I met my (ex)mentor of my previous job. He is a very knowledgeble and optimistic man. He told me that we should try to move every few years, to experience new things and not stay stagnant in life. Pulling yourself out of your comfort zone to experience the unknown and different things takes courage, but I think it's essential to stimulate your senses and explore yourself.

I was reading Elizabeth Gilbert's book - 'Eat, Pray, Love' on this journey. This book is very much about the spiritual journey of a woman in search of herself. The boyfriend bought this book as a birthday present for me (because I chose it), and it is the perfect companion for this trip. When you are alone on such a journey, you seem to think of things which you wouldn't think of when you're going through life's routine. I thought of so much, I think I found myself and what is important to me.

I am blessed.

Like the book which Jo gave me for Christmas, I am 'conjoyed'. In 'The Geography of Bliss' by Eric Weiner, he said that there is no english word to describe this kind of happiness. It is the combination of 'contented' and 'joyful'.

I am conjoyed! Very conjoyed.

Thank you, for giving me this and everything.

.::. Birthday .::.

I reckon this is the first time I spent my birthday away from all my loved ones. It isn't a big deal, it's just another day which makes me older by a day. They say age is a number. Indeed. I always say I feel old, but most people don't really get what I mean. When I say I feel old, I mostly mean that I'm aware that time passes by so quickly and I still feel like I'm 18 yet reality stares into my face and tell me I'm way past 18. When I say I feel old, it's also a way of telling myself that time is passing by every minute and I should really make full use of it and do things which I really would like to - like being happy.



I celebrated my birthday here with the closer friends and quite a few people whom I met the first time. It's really not my thing, but I reckon that I am blessed to have people celebrating it for you when you're this far away from home. Emma made me my favourite cheesecake and it was soOoOoOo good! It was a cold day yesterday, and I think my roommate felt a need to ask me out (and not hide at home watching drama) since it's my birthday. We went out 'shopping', exploring that little shopping area which we have never visited despite staying here for the past 6 months. We wanted to have coffee, but it was so cold and you just felt like you wanted to go back to your warm home.

The sister shares the same birthday as me. I celebrated my birthday with her every single year since she was borned. They celebrated without me this year, but it was as if I was there. I know they must be thinking of me, and that is enough for me. My little sis's photoshop skills are getting better, and I'm going to beg her to teach me some of it!

I'm thankful for those who remembered me on my special day. =)

I feel like I'm at the most important period of my life. Coming here has made me sit back and look at my own life, questioning many things which I've been told or brought up to believe in. It has been a period of self-reflection, self-realization.

This year has made me reflect on many things. It has restored a sense of calmness within me. I hope it stays with me even when I go back to hectic Singapore, joining the rat race yet again.

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it." — Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia)

.::. Back .::.

I've finally settled down back 'home'.

After arriving on Saturday morning, I went on a train to Kiruna in the afternoon. This is the third time I've booked tickets there and there are always people who can't make it in the end, so I went alone. It took me abit of courage and determination, but I reckon it was like a self-discovery trip or birthday present for myself. Afterall, I have been wanting to visit the ice-hotel for years. It is a 20 hour train ride. After spending 3 days there, I took the train back and arrived yesterday afternoon.

I've been reading and thinking quite abit these days. I'm tired, but happy. =)

My first lesson is in a few hours time and I guess things will get busy real soon. I've lots of readings to do the next 6 weeks. Meanwhile, I need to do laundry desperately tomorrow and go to the supermarket to get some food. Beginning of the semester also means lots of administrative stuff to be done and bills to be paid.

I'm ready!

.::. Last days .::.

My last days in Singapore was rather hectic. Lots of meetups, food, spending time with the boyfriend and getting stuff done...



I got a new haircut and hair colour. I'm almost a blond now. Turned out alittle too golden for my liking, though I don't really mind. Afterall I'm in Sweden, the land of platinum blondes. Nobody will bother about my hair colour! I think this will be the last 6 months I have such light hair colour since I'll probably dye it a darker colour when I start working.

Had dinner at 126 sometime last week. Dim sum. *yums.

There's also my favourite beancurd at Geylang Lor 39. *loves!

Attended my brother's graduation from his airforce school course too.

It's freezing here and I'm so homesick.

*sigh. I must enjoy the next 6 months. 19 weeks before I can see the boyfriend again.

.::. Braces .::.

I chanced upon the CD which my orthodontist gave me after I took off my braces. Amidst the rush of preparing for Sweden, taking off my braces and packing, I actually did not have time to check out the pictures.

Braces cost me a Europe trip over about 14 months. I'm lucky, I did not need to extract any teeth because I have 3 less teeth than normal people anyway. This meant that I had lots of space and gaps in between my teeth and a bad overbite problem. In addition to that, I still have one more baby teeth because I do not have adult teeth to replace that particular tooth. It isn't a good thing since baby teeth is less strong and decays easily!



Before. It wasn't that bad, but I hated the gaps which traps lots of food and the bad overbite problem.

After. No more overbite problem, no more gaps. Hello, neat teeth!

Before.

After.

I love my neat teeth though I have to wear retainers every night to make sure they don't shift.

The best thing which came out of braces is how I am so much more conscious about oral hygiene. I used to be very lazy when it came to brushing teeth as a child. I didn't really care about my teeth. There was once when I had a toothache as my wisdom teeth was coming out, and it just suddenly hit me that I wanted to do something for my teeth. I don't think I will ever have the courage to have plastic surgery or do anything to my face, so the best thing I could do for myself is to have neat teeth and a nice smile.

It kickstarted my braces journey and I went to the dentist every 3 weeks or so, paying for it through my mearge monthly pay. I'm really glad I had the courage to go through it though, especially for someone who's terrified of the dentist. I don't exactly think that my face-shape changed for the better at all, I even prefer my pre-braces face shape. But well...

I still love my neat teeth, and I'll make sure it stays neat that way!

.::. Loves .::.

BBQ at the boyfriend's place last Friday night. I love BBQ!



The men at work.

Perhaps the best thing I love about BBQ is when people gather around and chat while they BBQ and wait for the food to be ready. It's the same logic as steamboat!

My favourite. I love the fluffy eggs cooked to perfection, crispy kaya-butter toast and kopi.

*loves.

I have 4 more days in Singapore. Gotta make the full use of it.

.::. Happy Birthday .::.

Celebrated Ju's birthday together with my birthday today. Went to sing karaoke in the afternoon before having dinner with J4+4.



I'm turning 24...leaving early twenties, approaching mid-twenties. *sigh!

With dear Ju, who has found her happiness. Happiness is infectious!!!

Happy Birthday my dear girl. Stay happy and blessed. =)

J4. *loves.

The boyfriend. *loves.

I'm going to miss everyone so much. It's been a long and busy weekend, busy with lotsa gatherings and meeting-ups. I'm happy.

I almost can't bear to leave. I knew this would happen. I knew it!

.::. RP Gathering .::.

Went to LY's house for steamboat on Saturday. It's a mini RP gathering with the usual people, also a farewell for LY who will be leaving for U.S. the same day as me. He's going to stay there for 2 whole years...



The view from his place at 730pm.

The early birds.

It was also GD's birthday, so we got him a birthday cake. Then the guys bought 10 durians to share too. Imagine how stuffed we were.

Happy moments.

We've to admit that we're no longer the secondary school kids fooling around in school. Many stuff changed, yet some do remain. It's interesting to see that our conversation topic is about buying HDB flats, job hunting and marriage.

How time flies...

.::. Hello 2010 .::.

Technically, I counted down to 2010 alone. The boyfriend was sleeping like a log beside me while the dog was curling on his bed, fast asleep. I watched Taiwanese countdown shows and fireworks and watched Leehom and Mayday sing.

The boyfriend have been working in the workshop for days without much sleep. When he picked me up for dinner on new year's eve, he has been working for 2 days without any sleep. Though he said we could do whatever I felt like doing, we ended up heading back home after dinner. Part of me felt like going to where the action was - Marina Bay countdown and fireworks. Yet part of me dread the crowd and heat. He was could barely stay awake throughout dinner and was totally knocked out right after a bath. He had no inkling that I wished him Happy New Year at the stroke of midnight nor told him that his favourite band Mayday was playing.

So there, I gave up counting down in Europe and came home for this! It wasn't as bad though, since I get to spend this festive period with my loved ones instead of feeling lonely and homesick.

2009 has been challenging. There has been many moments which left me jaded, lost and depressed, moments when I had to make important decisions in my life. All and all, it has been a great learning experience and I feel like I've grown so much in the past few months. There were so many moments which were surreal and I felt really emotional and thankful to be able to experience those moments.

We celebrated our 5th Anniversary in December. It has really been 5 years. Long-distance relationship has not been easy, yet it wasn't that hard either. I reckon it has made us stronger. He has been really supportive and encouraring throughout the past few months, though the time difference is annoying.

Perhaps he didn't realize it, but it's the first time he told me that he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. Some might think that 5 years into a relationship is a long time but I feel that the past 5 years is only a tiny fraction of what's left of this relationship...I'm thankful, for he has brought so much joy into my life (though he accounts for alot of the saddness too) and made me a better person. He's probably 'the one' but honestly, I'm not ready for marriage and all the responsibities (and problems) it brings. Love is about the 2 of us but marriage is not, especially if you don't get to stay alone. I dread the pressures, the naggings and advices which people shove into my face. I hate accounting to people and not being able to speak my mind yet have to keep up with a facade. Perhaps most of all, I resent giving up a dream of building my own love nest with my beloved. I don't see any good out of marriage at this point of time. I see it as an end to my dream and I envision all that I have to give up and put up with. I really don't want to mess this up or have this end up in divorce or endless arguments. I probably have to spend the next 5 years cultivating more courage and tolerance for this.

I loved living alone, having to clean up after myself, cook whatever I felt like, buy everything I needed, wash my own clothes and to be responsible for every single thing myself. I felt liberated and carefree. Truth to be told, if I could, I really would love having my own place, being in charge of every single detail...

My only resolution for 2010 is to be stronger and brave. There have been many moments which I felt fear and lost faith in myself. I realized that the only thing which stops me from being better and achieving more is fear. I need more courage to stand up against fear, more courage to do things I set my mind to and more courage to achieve more. I will try to be a better person, cultivate more patience and tolerance. I will be good. =)

I will spend the next half year studying harder and playing harder. This is probably my last shot at student life before a lifelong of work awaits me - cruel reality and a debt to pay. This might also be a last chance for me to tour Europe more extensively for I might not have a chance for god-knows-how-long. I will live my dream to the fullest in the months to come.

I have got to thank the parents for helping me fulfill my lifelong dream of studying abroad. The boyfriend for being my pillar of support and being so encouraging always. The girls for always being there. The roommate for company when it gets dark and cold out there. Anny, Hsiao Feng, William and Aom who has made great traveling partners. Rita and Eden for hosting us. Emma for her great desserts and contagious laughter. Fai for always making me laugh (at her) and everyone who has made Sweden such an enjoyable experience. Those strangers whom I've met along the way and taught me a thing or two about life, thank you guys!

Hello 2010...bring it on!

.::. East Coast Park .::.

Now that the boyfriend has moved back to Siglap, we can walk to ECP like we used to years ago. We used to walk to ECP almost every weekend and rented bikes to cycle around.



East Coast Park is one of my favourite places in Singapore. There are many dog-lovers and people walking their dogs, jogging, blading and strolling on the weekends. I love it when dog owners approach you to let the dogs socialize and chat with you about dogs. There's also lots of greenery and blue skies, very relaxing, I like.

Blue skies and a couple with their golden retriever. I honestly think that skies in Singapore is never as blue as those in Europe or Australia. It's always baby-blue, never deep blue. Perhaps it's due to cloud cover?

My boys. People have been saying that the boyfriend looks like the dog or the dog looks like the boyfriend. Hahas!

My beloved dog.

Time flies. I have slightly more than a week in Singapore. I feel sad that I've to leave Singapore soon, yet I miss Sweden and the cold. It's weird I know. I'm feeling so hot that I bathe cold water a few times a day and drink lots of icy drinks to cool myself down. It doesn't help much though, I'm always sticky. *yucks.