Tuesday, June 20, 2017

.::. First Trimester .::.

Here I am entering the third trimester and finally publishing this.

The first trimester flew past just like that.  I tested positive at 4 weeks, on my FIL’s birthday, 6th January actually.  Apart from cramps for a week or two since New Year’s Eve and sore boobs, I didn’t feel much discomfort.  Perhaps I was tired more easily and pee-ed more frequently, but other than that, pregnancy has been very good to me and I almost did not feel nausea with the exception of a few rare occasions.  Some days I forget that I was pregnant, and life went on normally.

First Appointment (6.5 weeks)

Went for the first appointment with Paul Tseng on 21st January at 6 weeks 2 days.  The husband almost didn’t make it back from his work trip, and I was pretty upset that he might not be with me on the first appointment.  He made it back anyway, thankfully! We went to Dr Tseng because, well he's pro-natural and quite well-known, and he's also my uncle's cousin.  I went to him for pre-natal checkup 3 years back actually, though I also did a pre-natal checkup with Irene Chua the following year because the husband preferred a female gynae (I prefer a male).  I didn't like her though, she's also really expensive and there was recently a huge incident that was shared on forums.

My appointment with Paul Tseng was at 10.10am. The parking situation at TMC was bad and we had to pay $5 for valet parking. The clinic was overflowing on a Saturday morning, the weekend before Chinese New Year.  By the time they took my weight and blood pressure, I have drank 4 cups or water to fill my bladder.  

We went in at about 10.45am.  He asked if I was pregnant – ‘I think so?’. =_=""

He asked for my last menstrual period and estimated my EDD to be on 14th September, a day before the husband’s birthday.  He then proceed to the scan.  He confirmed the pregnancy and that it’s implanted in the correct place, size looks normal.  He also asked if I was taking any supplements,
and that I should stop taking my prenatal vitamins at this stage to avoid upset tummy/constipation.  Baby was too small at this stage and could get all the nutrients from me, I only needed folic acid.

That was it.  

He told me to come back in 3 weeks.  Here's the first picture of our baby.


I asked him about baby's heartbeat since I read that it could be detected by ultrasound around 6-7 weeks (but he didn’t even try nor zoomed in!).  He said baby is too small now and I might be able to detect it through vaginal ultrasound, but there’s no point in trying.  He asked if I had any bleeding or nausea, and since everything was fine, I can come back in 3 weeks to hear the heartbeat although I should also be able to hear it in 2 weeks’ time.

We were in and out in like 10 minutes, he’s really quick and didn’t ask much nor say much at all.  He didn't even ask if it was my first pregnancy nor offered any advice!  The husband seem fascinated to see that white little hole on the screen and we reckon that if the size was right, it probably means that the baby was growing normally.  

Not sure what we expected, perhaps just, a little more from a much raved about gynae?

Seeing Red - Walk-in Appointment

All was well till the 7th week, I was working from home the day before Chinese New Year eve and there was suddenly a lot of fresh red blood when I went to the toilet.  The whole toilet bowl was red and I was in shock.  There was no cramps, no symptoms, no nothing.  My instinct was to rush to a gynae ASAP, and the nearest one I knew was at Clementi Ave 2, the one which many of my neighbors went to.  TMC was way too far and it was past 4pm, there’s no way I can make it there.  I called and the nurse was nice enough to get the doctor to wait for me, since they were about to close.  
I was at the clinic in 15minutes, and there was more blood when I reached.  I was dismayed and was partially prepared for the worst.  The doctor was very nice and calm, he told me that he will check if the baby is okay and we can see what is happening.  He first checked my cervix, there was more blood and clots, the nurse had to rush and bring a dish to contain the avalanche.  My heart sank.  He was calm and went ahead to do an ultrasound scan. The baby was there and it was blinking.

The next thing I know, I heard the heartbeat.  

It sounded foreign, really fast, like someone is beating on a drum?  It disappeared in an instant before I registered, and the doctor asked me to control my breathing to hear the heartbeat again.  Then there it was, loud and clear as I practically held my breath and tried to breathe very slowly.  Then the relief washed over me. The baby was doing well inside.  

The doctor then showed me a shadow or white patch on the screen, supposedly between the placenta and uterus where the bleeding was from.  He told me the baby was fine, but he’s going to give me a jab and give me hospitalization leave for bed rest just in case.  He sat me down after the jab and tried to explain what was happening.  He gave the analogy, like trying to stick something with superglue - you have to hold it there and wait for it to dry before it is secure.  So basically, the uterus is trying to attach itself but it might not be totally secure yet.  Whenever we move, the bond may move too.  The only way to secure it was to not move and have bed rest, basically waiting for the glue to set.  He also said that it might not be necessarily what’s happening, but the best thing I could do is to rest and let the body do its job.  

Miscarriages almost always happen because the embryo is not healthy in the first place, and our body’s natural reaction is to purge it out, resulting in a miscarriage.  So, basically, just don’t worry and rest well was the take-home message.  

He was really nice, and I told him that I was due for a vacation to Japan in few days.  He advised against it and said that if anything happens there, I’ll be looking at a 10k hospital bill since insurance does not cover pregnancy.  He also wrote a letter to help with my trip cancellation and issued a week of hospitalization leave for me to bed rest.  The worst case scenario was for the uterus to be detached from the placenta, resulting in miscarriage.  So if anything happens during the Chinese New Year holiday, I will need to go to A&E and ask for him (he will come).  Otherwise, if I’m alright, I can come and see him in 3 weeks, that is if I choose to continue seeing him.

I was very touched by the kindness and patience he showed me when I was in distress.  I was considering changing gynae since Paul Tseng felt very impersonal and the traffic/parking at TMC is a nightmare.  Clementi was so much more convenient and cheaper! I only held back because the clinic was really, somewhat strange and old.  It looks like a Chinese restaurant with very old traditional d├ęcor and a huge round table at the entrance.  The consultation room had this olden days Chinese robe hung on the wall!  The nurses are also auntie kind, the whole environment is less comfortable as compared to TLC.  Even the ultrasound scan is printed on an A4 paper instead of those photo paper.  

The jab made me really tired and I rested that day and Chinese New Year's Eve (except for reunion dinner).  Thankfully, the bleeding stopped the same day, with some spotting left.  We still went visiting on Chinese New Year, rested the second day and flew out to Japan at night.  The husband seem to think it's ok since I've already stopped bleeding, and canceling the trip with the in-laws was really a hassle and we didn't really want to let the whole world know yet.  I'm thankful that we're always on the same frequency, and we truly believe that if something is yours, nobody can take it away.  If it's taken away, it means that it's not yours to begin with.  So we spent the week in Kyushu and walked quite abit everyday.  Thankfully, it was a road trip and wasn't too tiring.

Anyway, the bleeding was called Subchorionic hemorrhage (subchorionic hematoma) and it's mostly quite harmless based on what we read.


When we got back from Japan, I ended up going back to Clifton Chan, because Paul Tseng cancelled my Saturday appointment at 9.5 weeks and went on course instead.  The husband didn’t want to take leave on weekdays and we were flying to Hong Kong the following week. Upon consideration, I stuck with Dr Chan, since many of my neighbors use him and raved about him.  Most importantly, I felt comfortable with him and he felt really warm and experienced (despite the lok lok clinic and blah nurses).

Second Appointment (9.5 Weeks)

The second appointment at 9.5 weeks went well, the husband heard the heartbeat for the first time.  Dr Chan did not ask nor realized that I went to Japan anyway.  I was feeling good and baby was growing very well.  Before Dr Chan on the speakers for the heartbeat, he told the husband to bring his phone to record it.  He also scanned for a long time, showing us different parts of the baby (we really couldn't tell).  Since all was good, he scheduled us for the next appointment 3 weeks later for the Oscar/Harmony scan.  He said that we could choose either one, but he will do a scan first that could estimate the risk of down syndrome before we decide on which test to take.  Actually, I have already done my research and decided to do Harmony anyway, since it's more accurate and less chances of 'false positives'.  Moreover, I can claim for most of my medical expenses.

After the second appointment, we went on a Hong Kong trip that was booked eons ago.  We planned a hike, and we decided to go ahead anyway despite my pregnant state.  We did the 8.5km Dragon Trail that ended up to be 10km long as we wandered away from the trail; and we walked like 20km everyday.  It was really tiring, and I think that the husband seem to think that his pregnant wife can do as much as before.



Third Appointment (12.5 Weeks)

We realized that the Saturday we went was Dr Chan's last day of consultation before he goes on a 3 week holiday.  The clinic was packed, but we were the first patient.  He did a thorough scan, but unfortunately, after much probing and getting up to pee, the baby was in a very strange position and Dr Chan couldn't take the measurements he needed.  We had to go take a 20min walk and come back again.  After the scan, Dr Chan said that the risk is low, he's at least 70% sure based on scan.  He took my blood and we left.  I assumed we were doing the harmony, since we did mention to him and the nurse the previous appointment.

We only realized that we did the Oscar scan instead at the reception, because it was not recorded on my card that I wanted Harmony.  The nurse was quite apologetic about it and said that it's too late to do Harmony the same day as the lab collection for Harmony was over. I can choose to come back next week to draw blood for Harmony though.  I suppose it's partially because the scan was low risk too, and the clinic was busy, and we did not confirm!  I didn't really want to draw blood again, as more was required for Harmony.

Alas, we were somewhat disappointed since we were expecting to find out the gender through the test in a week!  Now, we will need to wait till around Week 20 instead.  I was also given calcium and DHA this appointment.

Here's how the baby looks like at 12.5 weeks.  It's amazing that you can already see the fingers so clearly!


It was also at this point when we finally told our parents about the pregnancy.  The husband almost wanted to wait till the results were out.  We waited this long because I don't think I can deal with my mum blaming me for everything that I might have done wrong if anything happened to my pregnancy.  I don't think we could handle the disappointment from our families either.  We told my parents over dinner that there's an additional person joining us for dinner, while he told his parent through 'wadsapp' with a 'Coming Soon' and the ultrasound.  His parents had no reaction till he called them.  They said that they had no idea what was that, thinking it's a movie poster since it said 'Coming Soon' - unbelievable for people who have had children since they must have seen an ultrasound right?!

Oscar Results

The clinic finally called me after a week (although most people get the results in 2-3 days as it's done in local lab), and told me that blood test results were low risk.  She wasn't able to give me the exact ratio but said that it's 'below the line' and low risk, I can go through the report with Dr Chan next appointment.

I quite like Dr Chan, but I've to say that his nurses are not the most professional.  They're mostly aunties, not very customer-oriented and could complain about the patients loudly (after they left) when there are so many other patients around!  They're nice to you if you're nice to them, but if you expect service and appear impatient, they could be quite rude.  But since the doctor matters more than nurses, and he's really quite nice, plus the convenience, I guess we'll be sticking to him.

By this time, first trimester has already ended and I entered my 2nd trimester just like that.  My tummy barely showed, and nobody noticed that I'm pregnant!

Thursday, June 1, 2017

.::. Wealth, Greed & Power .::.

Being a History student, I’ve always been quite perturbed about how history always repeats itself.  The root of many problems in life always revolve around greed and power.  All conflicts between people and war between nations, within or against religion – the heart of the problems remains unchanged.  It’s ironic, because at the end of the day, everyone just wants to be loved and to be happy.  How many manage to see the big picture and find happiness and contentment?

Sometimes, it’s impossible to talk sense to people, and I realized that people can have so divergent views that they will never ever see it the way you do.

I believe in karma, I believe that every action has its resultant consequences.  I believe that those who capitalize on humans’ weakness to generate fear and capitalize on their greed and insecurities will bear the consequences of their action someday. 

I can’t for the life of me understand how educated people can succumb to high risk investments or what I call Ponzi schemes.  There’s so many UK land schemes where people lost large amounts of money the past decades, yet it keeps happening again and again like a spoilt recorder.  There are people who pay for future services in advance, believing that they are ‘saving’ or ‘earning’ money because the company keeps increasing their service prices.  Inflation is real and legit, but the issue with such a private company is how they can account for so much uncertainty and provision enough to meet these future obligations.  

Huge public listed companies governed by laws fall, yet people believe in small private companies with little transparency and much less governance.  Do people truly believe what they are told by these companies to part with their money?  This becomes almost like a Ponzi scheme where the business may not make accurate projections and provision for their obligations.  When the money dries up and they sell less packages or see a spike in redemption, they end up with cashflow problems and eventually face bankruptcy.  

What happens when a company becomes bankrupt?  

What you buy from them become worthless and the bosses behind such companies basically escape unscathed and can easily open another company to continue in the same line of business (or a different line).  These bosses have enjoyed high salary with great benefits and expenses charged to companies.  Companies have to pay their creditors and banks first, and they almost always do not have enough to do so.  Banks have to write off these bad debts, but customers end up with nothing. It might not be that they are out to cheat, it may be poor management or bad judgement or a combination of everything.  However, people behind these companies become richer at the expense of many oblivious customers – people who believe that they are saving or making money easily.  It's so easy to capitalize on human's fear and greed.

If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.

Everyone knows this, but how many truly have enough judgement when they need it?

Sunday, May 28, 2017

.::. Childhood .::.

That day, we had one of those conversations about our childhood.  Apt isn't it, now that we're going to be parents who will determine what kind of childhood our child has.

I don't talk about my childhood much, those weren't times that I would like to remember, but it made me who I am today.  Those years had pretty dark times when I struggled. I was a very unhappy child.  No doubt I had happy days, but there were so many moments deeply entrenched in my memories that still give me tinge of sadness when I think about it.

When I was very young, I liked to talk to my mum and told her everything.  I was very talkertive and kept at it non-stop even when lights were out.  She always asked me to stop and go to bed, and I was always upset about it.  I hated it when she compares me to her friends' children or some neighbor's children, she always did that.  Someone's child was always better and more obedient than I was.  I still remember this girl from kindergarten who's my mum's colleague's daughter, she's called Yun Qian, and I really disliked her.

Then there were the times when my mum would always blame us for our existence and express her regret for having us.  Mums have no idea how unwanted and unloved that makes one feel.  I remembered being really upset and there were times when I threatened to jump down the building and commit suicide.  I also constantly told my parents that I will move out as soon as I could and would send them to an old folks' home because I really didn't want to see them.  Some days, I got so upset that I rolled and screamed on the floor, dashed out of the house with my bike to release some of these anguish.  I had so much pent-up anger and wrote in my diaries simply because I knew that my mum reads all of it.

I remembered that I was overjoyed when I got 99 marks for an exam and came home to share the joy with my parents.  I was top in class and beaming with excitement.  My parents didn't share my joy nor give me any word of praise.  They asked me why didn't I get full marks and miss that one mark.  I was indignant and annoyed.  Then, I got full marks in another exam and came home in anticipation of what they would say.  They told me that I was lucky and that I'll not be able to do it again.  I was deeply upset and words couldn't quite explain the emotions I felt as a child then.  I was always scolded for reading storybooks, always nagged for not studying my textbooks instead.  I wonder if it was then that I somehow decided that being good was enough; that there wasn't any point in striving to be 'the best'.

I hated it when my mum complains and screams.  She does it all the time.  I still remember how fiercely she screamed, cursing and swearing because my dad didn't hang the clothes from the laundry.  I was taught to wrap all my books in plastic and iron my own pinafore, wash my own shoes when I went to primary one.  Just because my mum hates doing that.  She even got my dad to teach me how to tie shoe laces and insisted that she didn't know how to do it, just so she doesn't need to do it.

When my mum became a housewife, things became worst.  She never stopped complaining every single day, screaming and shouting, blaming everyone at home for everything.  It was terrible going home after a long day and it was so repulsive that one wouldn't want to hear her say anything much less help.  I never understood why didn't my mum find cooking for her children a joy.  I looked at other people's mums and can't help but question many things.  I never ever understood why one can complain so much and be so bitter for so long, blaming everyone else for their plight.

I've to say that the husband has brought so much happiness and contentment into my life, and I'm really thankful for that.  He has taught me love and patience, taught me kindness and how to give selflessly without expecting anything in return.  Taught me to see things that truly matters in life.

I will do everything in my ability to give my child a happy childhood and never make her feel like she's inadequate or not good enough.  She will not feel what I felt and she will be loved no matter what she does or do not do.

I enjoy doing housework and making our house a home.  I also enjoy cooking for my loved ones to see them smile.  I actually enjoy doing things for people I love, irregardless of whether or not I get anything in return.

I wish with all my heart that Jaime will have a childhood filled with fond memories that she can look back and smile. 

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

.::. Mothers' Day .::.

Technically, it was my first Mothers’ Day this year and it’s funny how people start wishing you ‘Happy Mothers’ Day’.  No, I don’t exactly feel like a mum yet, but I always envisioned what kind of mum I will be, or rather what kind of mother I hope to be. I don't agree that 'all mothers are the same', simply because they are all different.

I hope to accept my child as she is and love her unconditionally, regardless of her abilities and achievements. 
I hope to give her the best I can to nurture her and to inculcate the right values/skills.
I hope to give her a warm and loving family to come home to.
I hope that she will always feel secure and comfort at home.
I hope that she will be comfortable to confide in me and know that I will always listen.
I hope that she will never have to feel inadequate and insecure.
I hope that she will never have to hear me compare her to someone else better.
I hope that she will realize her strengths and accept her shortcomings.
I hope to put comfort food on the table where she can refuel after a long day.
I hope that she flourishes in the love of the husband and I, and find someone as wonderful as the husband.
I hope that she will never hear her parents screaming and cursing at each other.
I hope to be the mother that I always wished I had.

People always say that you'll understand your mum more when you have your own child.  I'm not sure about that. I never quite understood why my mum sometimes blame us for our existence and how we seem to be the cause of her misery.  I never understood why she never enjoyed making our house a home and complained incessantly over the years.  I never understood why she didn't enjoy cooking and doing housework for the family.  I never understood why she always compared us to other people's children and made us feel inadequate and not good enough for her love.  I never understood why she constantly pointed out our shortcomings and blamed us for everything under the sun, including falling sick.  Nothing seem to be enough, we were always too fat, too lazy, too everything.  I always envy people when they get to enjoy their mum's delicious home-cooked food.  My mum complains about my cooking when I spent the whole day cooking from scratch.

Tough love maybe.  I always felt that it's a miracle that I turned out mentally strong and being able to rise above these all.  For this, I have to be thankful.  I don't miss home nor the feeling at home where there's too much negativity.  I always looked forward to the day when I can have my own place.  When my mum first found out I was pregnant, she shared horror stories about pregnancy like how her friend had to be hospitalized and all - who tells a pregnant woman such things? And she said I was negative when I told her to stop sharing such negative things with me! 

Perhaps God is fair, and I'm thankful for what I have now.

I will keep these in mind, to remind myself not to put my child through all I've been through.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

.::. First Movements .::.

I was writing this post about my first trimester and all, but haven't quite finished that post and it's still sitting in my draft folder.  Yet here I am, already halfway into my second trimester.

I'm 17 weeks today.  We just had our gynae appointment over the weekend, and we are expecting a baby girl.  I think it just felt a little more real after knowing that she's a girl.  Like wow, I'm really going to have a daughter.

Actually, the whole point of sitting down to write amidst this crazy quarter-end closing cum budgeting week is to remember today.  Or perhaps the last few days.

I think I felt her movements.  Jaimie's movements. Our daughter's movements.

For the last few days, I felt strange movements in my tummy.  It wasn't like the usual cramps or tightening of my tummy.  It actually felt like someone was scraping my tummy lightly from inside and it came and went.  I started noticing it more often and wondered if it's her.  Then today, when I was concentrating on my endless excel spreadsheets, she was moving again.  It's as if she's asking for my attention as she moved relentlessly.  I had a passing thought, gosh, that's alittle annoying, I can't concentrate.  Then it hit me, that's my baby, moving inside me and living, growing inside me.

Then it felt, special.  I got alittle emotional feeling thankful to have her, thankful to be able to experience pregnancy as a woman, thankful to bear my beloved's child.

I hope I remember this moment and this warm wave of gratitude and awe.

Jaimie, you're going to be such a lucky girl.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

.::. We are expecting .::.

It has been some time, but we are happy to announce that we’re (finally) pregnant.  In the past 5 years, people have been dropping comments and let’s say that Chinese New Year is not my favorite occasion.  No, I don’t enjoy seeing those not-so-close relatives who relentlessly comment about your weight and how I should already have children.  Worst is when you've your husband's side relatives asking your mum why her daughter doesn't want to have children!

We wanted to wait initially, since we married young (by today’s standards) and had little savings after our wedding and house.  We always knew that we wanted children, it was a matter of when or how.  We spent the first year recovering financially, clearing all our interest-free debts from electrical appliances and building up our savings.  By the second and third year, we had healthy finances and travelled quite a bit.

By the time I’m 29, almost 4 years after our wedding, we were ready to get off contraception and start 
trying.  In the past few years, I went for yearly fertility check-ups in preparation, in case I had any fertility issues or cysts that had to be removed. Well, I suppose many people would expect it to just happen like that, but it doesn’t for many.  First few months off contraception, I was full of anticipation and faced disappointment month-after-month.  Then half a year went by, I started seeing a famous TCM at Clementi.  It wasn't cheap and cost me more than 300 bucks a month; but the worst part was the wait at the crowded clinic, the acupuncture and needles with the daily Chinese medicine to drink.  It came in sachets, and I had to empty like 20 packets in a cup before drinking it with warm water.  I also had to take my basal temperature every morning and pee on an ovulation stick daily a week after my period.  I kept at it for 6 months or so, but the doctor started urging the husband to do a fertility check instead, since he couldn’t find anything wrong with me.  It was a struggle in many sense. It was stressful, from pee-ing on ovulation kits to recording your temperature everyday plus the cocktail of supplements and Chinese medicine I took daily. I struggled to stay on in my previous job, hoping to conceive and quit after giving birth (to find a new job).  I also stopped planning travels ‘because I might be pregnant’. 

A year went by just like that, though the husband was traveling a lot that year, always at the worst time.  Even his re-service doesn't fail to fall on dates when I'm fertile.  The plan was to have my first child at 30!  After a year of trying, which is the time most ‘normal people’ conceive, the husband finally agreed to go or a checkup.  To our relief or perhaps not, he was generally fine although mobility was on the low side.  We were officially classified under ‘unexplained fertility’ and were asked to continue trying for awhile more before considering seeking additional help.

I read extensively, combed forums, read about others’ experience and did everything I could.  I cooked healthy homecooked meals, drank herbal soups and bazhen soup every month, exercised regularly.  It was frustrating, because my period came every month like clock-work.  I bought the most sophisticated ovulation kits and my ovulation and temperatures were totally predictable.  I even had excel spreadsheets and apps to analyze everything.  More than a year after trying, I finally switched jobs since well, I can't keep waiting to be pregnant forever.  Then we stopped trying for a few months in between to avoid pregnancy during probation.

Another 6 months went by and we still had no news although everyone seemed to be having babies.  Some months were difficult, I grieved when I saw red.  I wondered why this was so difficult when we have such a solid relationship and would have been great parents.  We had our own place, a car, good jobs, strong financials; I didn’t quite comprehend what was wrong.  Having said that, these waves of emotions came and went since I’m mostly happy and refuse to wallow in negativity.  I truly believed that the right things will happen at the right time.  I focused on doing things I love, picked up the violin and started travelling again.  I more or less ‘gave up’ and was planning to consider IUI sometime after Chinese New Year.

Then it happened.  

During our 12th anniversary/5th wedding anniversary trip to Langkawi, almost 2 years since we started trying for a baby. It was one of those quarter-end closing weeks, I had bad cramps for the whole week and felt really hungry.  It was unusual, because I seldom have cramps, especially when it lasted for days and there was no blood.  The backaches and sore boobs came in, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was strange.  I resisted the temptation to test, fearing another disappointment.  I was hoping to hold on to the weekend, 
till I my period was few days late.  

I ended up testing on Friday morning and again on Saturday morning before I told the husband.  I actually wrote him a card the night before, intending to break the news the following morning if the test kit confirms it again!  I was obviously excited and re-tested again with the first pee.  He was sleeping soundly till I had to wake him up and make him read the card.  In his half-asleep state, his only visible 
reaction was looking touched with wet eyes – not sure if it’s from sleep. Hah.

Me being the planner, have already made my first gynae appointment right after I tested positive on Friday.  We had to go the weekend before Chinese New Year since it’ll be 2 more weeks if we miss that weekend.  Unfortunately, he had to make a work-trip urgently and might come back right before CNY.  This means that I have to go to the first appointment myself, good or bad, he’ll either miss hearing the heartbeats the first time or not be with me if the pregnancy was not viable.  Moreover, it was also my birthday weekend and I was supposed to cook reunion dinner for my whole family.  Anyhow, I was pretty upset that week. =(

Thankfully, he did make it back for the first appointment.  I’m relieved, partly because I’ve had a very 
easy 6 over weeks.  I eat normally, did not have any nausea nor food aversion, didn’t felt that tired and didn’t feel much different apart from sore boobs and frequent urination (these toilet runs are real).

By this point, it was official.  Life as I know it, is over.  

Sunday, February 12, 2017

.::.Unconditional Love.::.

When one loves unconditionally without expecting anything in return, love overflows from within and amazing things happen.