.::. Towards 'Success' .::.

I’ve been thinking a lot, about life in general and what I want out of life. You know how things get more and more complicated as you grow up? It’s like how I teach my tuitee addition and subtraction in primary school where there’s no negative numbers. Yet after a few years, I start teaching them addition and subtraction with negative numbers. I remembered how it felt like my world shifted when I realized that negative numbers exist. It’s just like the many other things in life that changes as our perspective and cognitive depth changed.

Life and success used to be one direct route for me, and perhaps many Asians. It’s always the traditional study hard, get good results and find a good job so that you can earn enough and start a family. That’s the kind of mindset I was brought up with – that success in life is seemingly a one-way street. I don’t think my parents would have taken it well if I took the unconventional way. Junior Colleges were preferred over Polytechnics – which resulted in 2 years of misery in my study life. I always wonder how I would have turned out if I pursued Mass Communications in a polytechnic instead of heading to Junior College. I suppose I would have landed myself in a job that I liked a lot more, albeit getting paid less.

My perspective changed that year when I took my Masters’ in Sweden. I suppose that’s what exposure does to you, opening up your mind into many different possibilities and perspectives. I love myself a lot more, gained a lot more confidence and sorted many things out. You suddenly realized that there are so many possibilities and people could be happy and fulfilled doing different things (without pursuing financial security and abundance). You don’t have to be married to be happy, neither do you need a high-paying job or car or house to be successful. Those people and things that used to bother you becomes so insignificant when you look at life as a big picture. It’s hard to describe, but they represented freedom – being free to do what they liked without being bounded by conservative societal norms.

I think the previous generation’s idea of success is financial freedom. It doesn’t matter that you liked your job or not, as long as it paid the bills. This, coming from their childhood where poverty were rampant and financial security generally meant success.

So here I am, somewhere around my quarter-life crisis and still searching for what I want in life and what success means to me. I don’t want a ‘secured’ job with a good income every month when I don’t feel fulfilled by what I do for 8 hours daily. I don’t want to be in the rat race with all the superficialities and unspoken rules in the corporate world. I don’t want to spend all my life dreading Monday and getting up to work every morning, hoping that life could pass by quickly and I can ‘get there’. My dad's advice is still to 'climb higher', but putting life in that narrow perspective makes me feel so trapped. Life is afterall, a journey and everything is transient. I'm learning and conditioning myself to be happy with less material needs these days.

I'm contented with what I have now although I'm still searching. No, I'm not ready for kids yet and I still think that my life ‘is pretty much over’ when I have kids (at least for a decade or so). I think young working mums would agree, while older mums who has been through it all have forgotten how it was like or find such self-sacrifice essential. Like it or not, children suck up all your time and energy and sacrifices have to be made. As much as I love children, I think I’m not ready yet and I should be thankful that the husband wants to wait. I don’t doubt that children will be fulfilling, but it’s like…getting a bikini body – you know it’ll be worth it when you look that great but you just don’t feel like putting in that effort and sacrifices to get there, yet.

This describes my state of mind at this point in life:

Success to me is not about money or status or fame. It’s about finding a livelihood that brings joy and self-sufficiency and a sense of contributing to the world.
-          Anita Roddick, founder of The Body Shop

.::.What is the point of marriage? .::.

"結婚，到底是為了什麼" 越來越多的男人討不到老婆 因為越來越多女人不想結婚 女人說： 我想偶爾跟朋友出去，不想失去單身的自由; 我想高興吃什麼就吃什麼，不想變成理所當然的煮飯婆; 我想花錢打扮自己讓自己開心，不想每天想著要怎麼省來貼補家用; 我想當媽媽永遠的心肝寶貝，不想提心吊膽不知道婆婆什麼時候會嫌我; 我想當永遠的情人，不想在努力當個好老婆時，還要當老公的另一個媽。 

男人說： 結了婚，當然要以家庭為重，不能老是往外跑; 結了婚，當然要入得了廚房，洗手做羹湯; 結了婚，當然要為兩人的未來打拼，分擔家計; 結了婚，當然要把我的家人當作你的家人一樣; 結了婚，當然要做好老婆的本份 - 照顧好老公， 所以女人不懂... 

那我結婚到底是為了什麼？ 

我愛你跟你說過的愛我一樣多， 可是結了婚，我卻要改變那麼多只為了當你的老婆， 我只能有你這一個朋友，還要當個抓住你的胃的煮飯婆， 你有工作，不一定會養我，只因為我也有自己的工作， 你娶了我只是身邊多一個人，我嫁給你身邊卻是多了一家子人， 你們都過著習慣的生活，我卻要捨棄我習慣過的生活。 

但是男人也抱怨： 為了娶老婆我也是很辛苦， 我要有車子，要養房子，還要準備聘金還有鑽石戒指， 我省吃儉用一輩子，為了娶老婆還要一直減少存款數字， 況且當人家老婆，本來就是這個樣子， 要認命的持家，還要相夫教子...... 因為雙方都這麼辛苦， 所以越來越多女人不想結婚。 既可以讓男人保有存款數字， 也不會讓女人變成像是花錢請來的保姆， 所以男人啊，當你有天想問女人為什麼不想結婚時， 請先幫女人想想，跟你結婚有什麼好的呢？ 

女人因為婚姻 得拋下自己的父母，來照顧男人的父母。 但男人不用 女人因為婚姻 得挺個又重又大的球十個月， 只為了替男人生下一個跟男人姓的下一代; 還得承受生完小孩後的體質變差，身材變形的後遺症， 但男人不用 女人因為婚姻 得放棄一卡車追求他的好男人， 並埋沒了最美的青春; 但男人卻不為青春所懼，反而愈老愈值錢 女人因為婚姻 得放棄父母給她二十多年的姓， 被冠上某某'太太'二字; 但男人沒變。 女人因為婚姻 得早上上班，晚上煮飯做家事帶小孩， 有工作也有家事的壓力; 但男人沒差，反而多了個賺錢的人和不用給薪的女傭。 女人因為婚姻 得去適應一個完全不同的家庭和面對男人的親友團批評， 女人如果試圖尋求男人的保護時， 換來的是...男人不僅沒有保護他的女人， 反而一起落井下石...在一個女人孤力無援的環境裡。 

男人啊 若在您的身邊有這樣的一個傻女人時， 請當她的笨男人，好好的珍惜她，照顧她吧 別忘了，她不是天生就該來照顧你們全家大小的， 而是因為她愛你...... 她受傷的時候，好好傾聽她，支持她，保護她，為她拭淚， 她就會感動一輩子。 

Came across this article numerous times and it sends me into deep thought about marriage and what it means for a woman. Marriage used to be very much about security as women had to rely on men for the bacon among other things. Women nowadays contribute to the household finances equally, are independent and educated, but are still expected to play the many traditional roles. 

Many-a-times, women go through immense pressure while having to move in with in-laws and live under intense scrutiny. Things get worse when children comes along and most of the time, women have to swallow it all down and endure whatever rude comments that's being thrown at them. It seems like women is always at the losing end.

What is the point of marriage?

Marry only if you're very sure you've found the right one! Many have asked me, how do you know it's 'right'? 

You will know when the time comes. You may not know if it may last forever, but you will know that he's the right one whom you want to do this with.

Men, be nice to your wife and realize how much she has to give up for you. Some appreciation goes a long way. There's a saying that goes happy wife, happy family. An unhappy and bitter wife will bring all her unhappiness into the family.   

.::. Our Dream Home .::.

So it's been a year since we've moved in and I've finally found the time to do up a before-after and completed pictures of our dream home. It's been a long journey for us, and unlike most couples, being able to buy a HDB flat and building our love nest from scratch and finally getting hitched after dating since teenagers has been a very challenging task in so many ways. Those who has been following my renovation journey would have had a glimpse of the pain we had. Perhaps that makes it more sweet for us and makes us cherish each other more. And someday, maybe we will look back and laugh at all the horrible stuff that made us stronger.

It has been difficult to make before-after pictures because I realized that I did not take many pictures of the empty house. I mean, everything was white-washed and looked so similar!

Here's the living room.

And here's the kitchen where I spend a lot of time in.

The huge common toilet.

The MBR.

Here's the tiny MBR toilet.

Filling our living room up with things. I love our furniture that cost us an arm and a leg - all solid oak wood.

The cozy living room.

This is newly added and done up almost a year after renovation, after we've recovered financially. I sit here to enjoy the sunset often with music on. I guess it gives more sitting space for guests and makes the bay window more useful than it was.

The Eames lounge chair was also newly added - it was the husband's birthday present. Something that he has been eyeing since before we started renovation. We were too broke to get everything then and he chose to get me my papa chair first.

The huge mirror is also new. The small ikea one warped after like half a year. We got Mr K to customize one for us and it really expands the space visually. It's also supposedly good fengshui.

Here's the dining area where our guests spend most of their time at.

All my favorite things.

View from the entrance. I'm not sure if it's obvious, but the concept was to have 2 similar borders - the entrance one and my bay window one.

I love my open-concept kitchen. The husband can do his stuff on the dining table while I cook and we can still chat and see each other. And no, it's not an issue even though I cook often. I do not deep fry at home and only use very little olive oil for stir-fry though. Smells are also not a problem as the wind comes from either end of the kitchen and gets blown out quickly.

The sideboard is our messy corner where we drop our wallets and coins and letters.

This is our bedroom where we spend most of our time in. The bed was the most expensive piece of furniture at home and I love it! It's a Sealy hotel-series which I fell in love with at Four Seasons Hotel. We wanted to bedroom to be dark (dim-out curtains and grey walls) for sleeping and spacious. We also added a small cupboard on the bay window to block out an awkward small panel of
window. I think it'll be great storage when kids come along, and we actually hardly open the curtains as we like to sleep in the dark.

That about sums up the main areas of our dream home. It's not big really and I already have ideas for another renovation. I love how homes are a blank canvas which you could work your creativity upon and create a space and feel that best suits your taste and lifestyle. At the end of the day, it's the people who live together and whom you love that really matters and makes the home a homely place.

With that, we live in our dream home, happily ever after.

Dreams do come true! All of mine did.

Good luck people! =)

Dining table/sideboard - Commune at Millennia Walk
Papa Bear Chair/Eames Lounge Chair/TV console/Coffee table - Lorgan's the retro store
Sofa/bench/MBR drawers - Star Living
Bed: Sealy (frame from Sealy IMM)
Bedside tables/track lights/pendant lights/dining chairs: Taobao

.::. His Birthday .::.

Celebrated the husband’s birthday a few weeks ago. The supposedly surprise staycation that I booked (from our wedding package) was exposed when my dear friends started asking about the staycation during dinner on Friday night. =_=” So, the surprise was no longer a surprise and all my efforts in secretly packing his clothes and stuff was no longer a need.

I headed for check-in after teaching tuition. I still love the hotel we got married in. Because our suite had club privileges, I was brought to the lounge for afternoon tea while they checked me in. The service was great as usual but it was a rush to get a shower before meeting the husband. We had a late lunch and a nap before getting up for dinner. We woke up at almost 8pm, and late for our dinner reservation! I wanted to doll up for dinner, but ended up hurriedly slapping on makeup and getting ready instead.

I brought him to an Italian Steak Restaurant. It’s one of the top recommended places for steak. The steak was really good – very fragrant, tender and tasty, but the sides were disappointing, especially the potatoes. And because of the sub-par sides, Morton’s is still our favorite steakhouse. Morton’s does everything well. The sides as well as service actually.

We started with a salad, with parma ham and burrata cheese. It’s my favorite Italian starter because I love parma ham. The one we had at Changi was unforgettable. This one was alright, but the extremely sweet and juicy and fresh tomatoes stood out and scored.

We had Tuscan potatoes and mushrooms as our sides. The potatoes were horrible – soggy and soft without much flavor. Mushroom was alright – fresh but oily and abit bland.

The steak was the highlight of the night. The presentation itself was impressive and drool-worthy, with the biggest T-bone I’ve ever seen. The steak was soft and flavorful, a result of the Tuscan-style charcoal barbecue cooking. The fatty parts were oozing with juice and flavor. It was one of the best steak we’ve had (although Morton’s still ranks top albeit being a different style).

When we made the reservation, I told them that I was celebrating my husband’s birthday and requested for a nice corner table for 2. We were seated awkwardly right outside the kitchen and near the service area. They included a complimentary dessert with candle for the celebration during reservation, but this was totally forgotten when we were there. We were asked if we wanted dessert, but I would have rather they remembered to serve that complementary dessert with a candle as a surprise. I had to show the waiter the email that mentioned the complimentary dessert on my iPhone (which the waiter took a long time to read and looking really confused) with the husband looking on curiously and asking what's wrong repeatedly. It was exasperating to say the least, with all my ‘surprises’ being screwed up.

Here's the husband with his birthday dessert finally served.

Despite the great steak, I find that the service is not up-to-standard with that sort of price range. They weren't rude or anything though. How difficult is it to remember that the table is having a celebration and serve the dessert with candle after dinner? There was another customer who came as a group (probably family) and was in berms and tee-shirt with sneakers. The waiter at the service area right beside us were all staring and made comments about her dressing -  ‘machiam kopitiam’ (she was dressed as if this is a coffeeshop). I was amused, because I thought the same, but it just didn’t sound appropriate to make such comments about your customers openly when other customers could hear. That made me wonder what would they say about this customer who did not want to order dessert but showed them the email to ask for the complimentary dessert instead. I didn’t like how it feels as if customers weren’t good enough to dine there just because they weren’t dressed nice enough or didn’t order wine (most of them are expats who either dressed nicely or spent a lot on wine).

I suppose we’ll not be going back there anytime soon, unless I really miss their steak enough. I still miss Morton’s warm and homely service with a personalized menu and dessert with framed photo to help you celebrate an occasion.

And here's a picture of us. This is the 10th year I've been celebrating his birthday with him. *gasps*

We really didn’t do much but spend time together and slept our weekend away, pretending that we were atas in our suite and the lounge. We watched live soccer matches while tucked in bed, had a great breakfast and coffee while reading newspapers. The breakfast at InterContinental was great! There was a good variety, including cheeses, juices, fruits, breads, hams and even smoked salmon. I was impressed that they had chocolate milk – it’s something I don’t see that often. The service was great, and I had my bubble bath in a huge bath tub.

We then went to get Lady M’s crepe cake and went home to have a mini-celebration with the neighbors.

Love of my life. 

Happy family.

Happy Birthday my dearest husbandy!

It has been a great weekend. =)