The husband and I eat at the hawker center often ever since we moved in together. I love hawker centers and wet markets, perhaps it’s because it was a big part of my childhood. I used to go to the market together with my grandmother, happily pushing the trolley along. Grandma has many friends and the market is so lively with everyone greeting each other, chatting. It used to be really wet and smelly, there were even live chickens then. Then I would eat vegetarian beehoon at the hawker, sometimes looking after the purchases as grandma go get more stuff. She would cook everything from scratch, and there’s particular stores where she will get things like spices and curry powder.
These are heartwarming scenes from my childhood and seeing how all the old folks seem to know each other at the hawker center warms my heart. They always seem to bump into each other and look so happy to see someone familiar. Sometimes a big group of old people would gather and eat together, chatting away. I was telling the husband how nice it was and how those aunties seem so happy to see their friends. He was laughing and telling me how it would happen to me when I’m old like them. Not long after, we bumped into our neighbor and the exact same thing happened to me – I was smiling and chatting with them. Looks like I didn’t have to wait till I’m old. These are things that I love about neighborhoods, things that don’t seem to happen in private estates.
On the other end of the spectrum, I witnessed a couple arguing fiercely over breakfast that day. They were a Cantonese couple and looked quite old, over 60. The wife went on and on, scolding the husband for saying something infront of others, saying how he is childish and like a child and needs to change, telling him how he should mind his own business among other things. She never stopped and really put down the husband like he’s not worth anything. The husband did retort, telling her that it’s his mouth and he’s not saying it to her, asking her to mind her business and to stop screaming so loudly unless she wants the whole world to know. It angered the wife more and she went on even louder till the husband stormed off.
Whenever I see couples arguing I would wonder why is there a need to say such harsh things and hurt each other. Didn’t every couple start from falling in love? I wonder if it’s true that couples become more childish and argue more when they become old. It makes those loving old couples who are still holding hands look like a miracle. Why don’t couples communicate more and be each other’s support as they grow old together? I’ve a colleague who yearns to be posted overseas to do things she likes and far away from her husband, because she finds him boring and uninterested in everything. Then there’s this couple staying nearby who’s always arguing, from during renovation right till now. Their arguments are so violent, screaming at each other and hurling hokkien vulgarities that I could hear clearly from my place even when I close my main door.
Things like these make me wonder, how will we end up 10 or 20 years from now. Will we still be loving and cherish each other or will we start biting each other’s head off?
During such times of reflection, I make a mental note to constantly put in effort to communicate with the husband, be his pillar of strength and to remember why we fell in love and what we like about each other. No harsh words during arguments, no putting each other down and discounting each other’s feelings, no blaming each other and always try to understand each other’s point of view first. Time-out if need be, but strictly no harsh words as scars stay and take a long time to fade away. Must remember not to start screaming away and make home a stressful place to come back to!
