Sunday, October 4, 2009

.::. Shit Happens .::.


Things don't seem to be going my way since I've been here. I'm not sure if it feels like things are harder to cope because I'm all alone in this really cold foreign land with very different culture. Settling down took some time and tears, homesickness took some time to go away and getting into the swing of things took me way too much time too. Everything seem so foreign, so new, so much getting used to and fighting my way through.

We had to rewrite one of our reports. I guess we didn't get the style here, especially how they reference practically every single thing you write, even if it's your opinions based on what you have read or simply facts. It's humiliating and demoralizing that when we went to the lecturer to ask for directions humbly, the only advice she gave us was to ask us to go back to our countries to brush up on our English first before coming back here. Then she went on to tell us that she had one student who took her exam and she didn't understand what she was writing at all, so she suggested that it might be better for us to back out now. All this when she didn't even read our report since we didn't reference correctly and didn't pass the test for plagiarism. I felt like screaming at her, that I've been educated in English and have been taking exams in English all my freaking life! All we needed was some direction and comments instead of such 'advices'. I reckon that we should be grateful that she gave us another chance to submit the report instead of getting us suspended or something, but still...it kicked me off balance. I thought that it was rude and discriminating, I don't think that teachers should be this untactful. I lost all my respect for her that day.

Sadly, racial discrimination is still evident in Sweden despite the fact that it's supposedly such a developed country. Fai told us about how there are travel agencies for Swedish men to book holidays together with prostitutes in Thailand. I hate it when there are group of young men walking past me, saying things like 'Welcome to Thailand" or bow to me in the thai way in a very discriminating manner. What's the point of being developed and educated when you can't even respect another human who happen to walk past you? I'm also rather surprised that there's really hostilty between Taiwanese and Chinese here. Indeed, there are political conflicts between the two countries, but I don't see why it matters where you are from when you meet people here. To me, it's another form of discrimination, just like thinking that someone from middle-east are associated with terrorist and be hostile to them?

Maybe the tolerant attitutes being taught in Singapore is deeply embedded in me. We are taught to be tolerant, of other races, of other religions, of immigrants that understanding any hostility to another individual that stems from history and politics eludes me. Getting out of my small little corner in the world has really opened my eyes and made me realize that Singaporeans are a protected lot. Our views tend to be narrow and our focus tend to be on practical things which affects us directly. Things are too rosy back home, we are too self-centered and our focus is all on striving for efficiency and working our ass off. We don't really care about many issues, such as environment nor politics. Most of us don't have a cause which we would like to fight for or believe in, nor a passion which we are willing to make sacrifices for.

It has been difficult to get the morale back and the reports done again. We are working on four reports due within a week. It has been tiring fighting for survival the whole weekend. But I think we managed to survive. Finally, we got the hang of it. =) 2 down, 2 to go.

I was feeling so stressed that I felt that I had the need to get out, take a walk to the beach. I went though it was so windy and I felt like I was fighting the wind every single step. It's probably good exercise, walking against strong wind. The winds are howling outside my windows these days. But the main point is, I lost 500kr at the beach! I zipped it in my jacket pocket because I wanted to get something from the supermarket on the way back. But I put it with my phone. And when my roomate called me, I unzipped my pocket to get the phone. I think I unknowingly dropped my 500kr then. I only realized it when I was at the supermarket. And I realize that it's pointless to try to go back for it since it's so windy and have most probably flew away the minute it slipped out of my pocket. It's upsetting! 500kr can get me a nice trench coat from H&M! *sigh. I shall not ponder about it since it's just money afterall, and I can't do anything about it. I hope lossing some money has averted some disasters.

It's okay, I'll learn from these and grow, develop more as a person. Afterall, it's me who wanted to experience something different and get out of my comfort zone. Just that I didn't expect it to be this difficult.

So yea. Monday blues. It's so freaking wet and windy these days. Hello, hell week...

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