Monday, November 30, 2009

.::. Amazed .::.

I think I've gotten used to life here. It's either that, or this semester's modules are 'softer' and not as demanding. It helps when you know that you'll be going home in 3 weeks!

I've gotten used of the cold. I've gotten used to the dark skies at 3pm. I've gotten used to rainy days and gloomy skies. Amazing, but true. These things don't bother me much these days, but that definitely doesn't mean that I like these. Days when there are sunlight and blue skies (for a few hours in the late mornings), we usually try to go out for walks.

The learning experience here is...intense. Times when you do not expect to learn or realize new things, it hits you hard. I guess I've been meeting quite a few different people lately, listening to many life stories, feeling their thoughts. It's like looking at the world through their eyes - better than photography.

As much as I love listening to others' life stories, I love sharing about Singapore, especially to those who are fascinated by this small little country which does not exist geographically (a Chinese guy told me that and I was pissed). It's through talking about Singapore that I realized that I'm really a true-blue Singaporean. I'm amazed that I actually remember our history and know all the answers to peoples' questions. It gives me a chance to reflect on how precious or fragile we are. Most people are interested in 'Singlish' and I usually do my little show, "what you doing? Really ar? dunno lei.." and you can literally see amazement on their faces. They simply don't understand me.

I miss speaking Singlish and I'm proud to say that I can speak Chinese fluently and switch between 'Singlish' and English effortlessly. It feels really good to be able to communicate in languages confidently and I think it takes a long time to be able to internalize languages and use it right. Earlier on, Lee Kwan Yew admitted that he was wrong in the billingual education policy and that it 'was not possible' to learn two languages well at the same time. I beg to differ. I learnt both languages rather well and I realized how precious it is now.

I think it's ridiculous to complain about how difficult Chinese is as a language or how pointless it is. These are just excuses that people give when they do not put in enough effort or put it as their priority. I've met many Europeans here who could speak easily three to four languages fluently. Chinese as a languge is so important now that China is up-and-coming. It really makes a hell lot of difference when you are able to speak Chinese to fellow asians here. I am acutely aware of the cultural differences between Asians and 'white people'. Sadly, many of them still have the mind set that Asians are less competent or that they are superior. There were times that I wished I spoke English with an American or British accent, people probably think alot more about you. Languge skills ain't the problem, it's just the impression people have of you.

It's apparent that many are wary of the rise of China. I secretly hope that one day, they will be the one who feels insecure and wished they spoke Mandarin, or know how it feels like to feel 'inadequate'.

Well, as a Singaporean I jolly well know that I should not generalize or discriminate. It's just that cultural differences are acutely felt here and certain mindsets are deeply entrenched, whether or not people are willing to admit it.

I still believe that it's not where you came from that matters, it's who you are as a person.

I'm amazed by my own thoughts and 'transformation' after spending barely four months here. Something within me has changed, and I would like to believe that I've became stronger and more sure of what I want from life. My greatest fear is to be sucked into the daily routines of climbing the corporate ladder, so much so that I lose sight of the bigger picture. I've enlarged my vision here, but I might easily narrow that vision once I get back.

I hope that I remember all the thoughts I've had here, remember all that I've felt and learnt here. There are people who are proud of skipping classes and not paying attention in class, but I'm this nerd who haven't missed any classes since I'm here and mostly pay attention and suck whatever I could. Sometimes, it's the attitude that makes you a better person. I almost regret those times when I did not try hard enough in the things I do. Almost.

There's something to be learnt from everything. Wisdom and knowledge needs to be cultivated and internalized.

Contentment comes from being able to appreciate life and what it has to offer. There's really nothing much I yearn for now, except to go back to the place I call home.

Mental note: improve Chinese, improve English and hone my Japanese.

No comments:

Post a Comment