Technically, I counted down to 2010 alone. The boyfriend was sleeping like a log beside me while the dog was curling on his bed, fast asleep. I watched Taiwanese countdown shows and fireworks and watched Leehom and Mayday sing.
The boyfriend have been working in the workshop for days without much sleep. When he picked me up for dinner on new year's eve, he has been working for 2 days without any sleep. Though he said we could do whatever I felt like doing, we ended up heading back home after dinner. Part of me felt like going to where the action was - Marina Bay countdown and fireworks. Yet part of me dread the crowd and heat. He was could barely stay awake throughout dinner and was totally knocked out right after a bath. He had no inkling that I wished him Happy New Year at the stroke of midnight nor told him that his favourite band Mayday was playing.
So there, I gave up counting down in Europe and came home for this! It wasn't as bad though, since I get to spend this festive period with my loved ones instead of feeling lonely and homesick.
2009 has been challenging. There has been many moments which left me jaded, lost and depressed, moments when I had to make important decisions in my life. All and all, it has been a great learning experience and I feel like I've grown so much in the past few months. There were so many moments which were surreal and I felt really emotional and thankful to be able to experience those moments.
We celebrated our 5th Anniversary in December. It has really been 5 years. Long-distance relationship has not been easy, yet it wasn't that hard either. I reckon it has made us stronger. He has been really supportive and encouraring throughout the past few months, though the time difference is annoying.
Perhaps he didn't realize it, but it's the first time he told me that he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. Some might think that 5 years into a relationship is a long time but I feel that the past 5 years is only a tiny fraction of what's left of this relationship...I'm thankful, for he has brought so much joy into my life (though he accounts for alot of the saddness too) and made me a better person. He's probably 'the one' but honestly, I'm not ready for marriage and all the responsibities (and problems) it brings. Love is about the 2 of us but marriage is not, especially if you don't get to stay alone. I dread the pressures, the naggings and advices which people shove into my face. I hate accounting to people and not being able to speak my mind yet have to keep up with a facade. Perhaps most of all, I resent giving up a dream of building my own love nest with my beloved. I don't see any good out of marriage at this point of time. I see it as an end to my dream and I envision all that I have to give up and put up with. I really don't want to mess this up or have this end up in divorce or endless arguments. I probably have to spend the next 5 years cultivating more courage and tolerance for this.
I loved living alone, having to clean up after myself, cook whatever I felt like, buy everything I needed, wash my own clothes and to be responsible for every single thing myself. I felt liberated and carefree. Truth to be told, if I could, I really would love having my own place, being in charge of every single detail...
My only resolution for 2010 is to be stronger and brave. There have been many moments which I felt fear and lost faith in myself. I realized that the only thing which stops me from being better and achieving more is fear. I need more courage to stand up against fear, more courage to do things I set my mind to and more courage to achieve more. I will try to be a better person, cultivate more patience and tolerance. I will be good. =)
I will spend the next half year studying harder and playing harder. This is probably my last shot at student life before a lifelong of work awaits me - cruel reality and a debt to pay. This might also be a last chance for me to tour Europe more extensively for I might not have a chance for god-knows-how-long. I will live my dream to the fullest in the months to come.
I have got to thank the parents for helping me fulfill my lifelong dream of studying abroad. The boyfriend for being my pillar of support and being so encouraging always. The girls for always being there. The roommate for company when it gets dark and cold out there. Anny, Hsiao Feng, William and Aom who has made great traveling partners. Rita and Eden for hosting us. Emma for her great desserts and contagious laughter. Fai for always making me laugh (at her) and everyone who has made Sweden such an enjoyable experience. Those strangers whom I've met along the way and taught me a thing or two about life, thank you guys!
Hello 2010...bring it on!
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