.::. Aftermath .::.

After THE presentation last Friday, Tao, my groupmate and thesis partner invited me over to her corridor for lunch.



She cooked some delicious chinese dishes and even oven-baked apples with cinnamon for lunch!

*yums!

It was a beautiful day.

I went shopping and got a ZARA cotton blouse for SGD$15!!! I went to the Asia market to get some stuff and even treated myself to a Lychee Drink ($1.20).

Last Friday was worth celebrating, because we did really well for our presentation. It was THE presentation and we were pretty stressed up about it since the previous groups were really strong. This module is about organizational culture, strategy and leadership, so we have 2 case studies to analyze and to write a one-page reflection for each everyweek. Everyone will be in-charge of one of the case study's presentation, and this week was our turn.

We got the case study on Tuesday and spent the next few days preparing for our report and presentation for Friday. Thus, this was a really stressful week. Our topic was on Organizational Identity, and I've read all the literature in preparation for this report. I dislike presentations because I worry so much about it. I'm not a natual at public speaking and I get really nervous!

Despite the drama lessons I had as a child, I was never confident about public speaking. Even during performance in those drama classes, I worried about it alot. When I was in Primary school, I remembered that I was selected to represent my class in a story-telling competition which I had to speak on stage during assembly, infront of the whole school. I spent weeks going through that story with actions and all, going through it so many times because I was so worried! I think I told my story just like how I rehearsed despite feeling really nervous and got 3rd for my level.

Then, during Secondary school, I represented the class in debate competitions despite my fear of public speaking. Part of me really wanted to get over that fear. I remembered preparing extensively for those debate sessions, going through lots of materials and formulating my arguments. We went through many rounds and got into the final which was held in the auditorium at assembly. We lost at the final and was runner-up at the end. Though I managed to get the best speaker award for some rounds, only my partner sitting beside me knew how vigourously my hands were shaking while I spoke. He was really amazed that my hands were shaking so badly, yet my voice was loud and strong. It was really mind over body, and I tried so hard to supress my nervousness, making me really tired after every session.

I also hosted the Chinese Orchestra concert and some school events during Secondary school, but those weren't that bad. Although I don't feel as nervous about public speaking nowadays, I still worry alot before it and need to spend quite abit of time to go though my presentation. Nowadays, I worry alot before the presentation. But when it comes to the real thing, I am actually relatively calm. I find confidence from my own strong voice as I speak. Performing and public speaking is still very much an internal struggle for me. I have not screwed up - yet, and usually do well, but I'm simply really worried. Sadly, I'm not one of those who enjoy performing or speaking in public though I know that I could do well if I really tried and I ain't that bad as a speaker.

So, it was really an achievement when the response was good and the lecturer even came up to us and told us that "It was good, really good, I'm impressed." A guy sitting behind us also came up to us to tell us that we did really well. And to add to our achievement, a girl whom we have never spoke in class approached us in the supermarket after class to tell us that the presentation was really good.

It really meant so much.

A moment of victory.

I think I need to have more faith and confidence in myself.