.::. Oh my god! .::.

Deep within me, perhaps I have already knew all along that this will come someday.

He is Christian, baptized as a child but never been to church for the past 10 years and probably doesn't know much about the bible. I'm a free-thinker who goes to the temple and follows some Chinese traditions I grew up with. Between the 2 of us, religion has never been a problem as both of us are not religious. Right from the start, we have came to an understanding that I will not convert even if I marry him some day. He doesn't expect me to, and it's not important to him. It was crucial for me, because I can never be able to do it and wouldn't have started a relationship with a religious person in the first place. I hated people who preached and evangelized, who tried to convert people and imposed their values on others. It was a form of disrespect for me, and if you really respected another individual, you wouldn't keep trying to change them but accept them as they are.

I believe in god. But I never believed in religion. I have read enough history and sociology to realize how religion could be a double-edged sword. People could be so consumed by their religion that they end up doing things against humanity, yet still believe that they are doing it in the name of god. Even people of different branches of the same religion could fight for years, resulting in countless lives lost. I don't believe that there is any religion which would condone killings and discrimination, yet as a matter of fact, lives are lost in the pursuit of religious beliefs.

I reckon it really boils down to one's belief system and values, and religion is a very sensitive issue. It's an individual's choice and way of life, it's not something that could be forced upon.

So, what do you do with stanch Christians who insist that you have to convert to Christianity to find happiness in life? I avoid them like a plague.

But what do you do when your future mother-in-law insists that you MUST go to church and convert to Christianity before marrying her son?

I know family is important and a marriage is not simply about both of us. But his paternal side are Buddhists while his mother is a Christian and brought him to church as a child. It really does not make sense to force a religion upon me and insist that I change. Moreover, we have been dating for the past 7 years and he has also told his mother about my stand on religion and to seek her understanding and acceptance some time ago. She has not ever spoken to me directly about this nor really tried to make us go to the church the past years.

Yet now, when we are planning to ROM, religion becomes a big issue.

She thinks that a couple must have the same religion, namely Christianity, for a relationship to work. She says it's too soon. Too soon when we've dated for 7 years, will be getting our flat keys within the next 6 months, have stable jobs and are in our mid-twenties? It's hurtful. Does that mean that she never expected us to get married or that she thinks that I would naturally convert when we get married despite knowing my stand on religion? I went to read up about it and indeed, Christians perceive non-believers as 'evil' and would lead Christians astray. Thus, it's essential for a non-believer to convert to find happiness in marriage. I don't think she ever knew me as a person, and she knows nothing of our relationship and how much we have been through the past 7 years. It hasn't been an easy journey for 2 of us to survive so many different stages in life for the past 7 years. It's hard enough to find your soul mate in life and make a relationship work!

The most frustrating thing is that I am never spoken directly to and it's the boyfriend who has been bearing everything. I can't even speak up for myself. I know how overbearing and dictating she can be, and he has always yielded to her wishes and avoided confrontation mostly. This makes it harder for her to swallow, since she's so used to getting her way.

I have considered what it takes to appease his mum and make things easier for us - to convert. But I simply couldn't do it. It's not me. And if I lose myself and my identity, I lose everything. You can't love someone when you don't love yourself enough. I would like to believe that it's one of the reason why he's in love with me. Given my strong individualism, it's easier to leave the relationship and lose a part of myself than lose control of my life for the next 50 years.

I don't think it's possible to change her mind either, not that I intend to. I can just hope that she can accept our differences and still give us her blessing. All I can do is prove that a relationship can work even without having Jesus in the equation. Can't she see how happy we both are together?

Religions are not intended to be sources of conflict. Some values transcend all religious beliefs, all cultures and all races, and form the basis of all relationships.

I honestly think that mutual respect is the basis of all relationship. It's one thing which the boyfriend taught me throughout the years. There are times when we quarreled and I get really frustrated and question why is he the way he is. It was he who told me so earnestly to accept him for who he is and love him for it instead of trying to change him. It made a very big impact on me and how I handles conflicts and our differences. He is a man of a few words, yet when he speaks, he makes a statement.

The thing about mutual respect is that it embraces a lot more than simply being nice or polite to someone. It encompasses accepting others the way they are and appreciating their differences without trying to judge or change them.

I can't embrace religion, for I think that it would make me narrow-minded. Do Christians really believe that non-believers are 'evil' and must be rescued lest they go to hell?

As much as I try to keep an open mind and try not to let things bring me down, I can't say that I'm not upset. It's painful, but I need to keep a part of me safe to keep myself sane. I can only trust and have faith in him. Even if things don't work out, I'm lucky to have been in a beautiful relationship for the past 7 years and there are still so many other things in life to look forward to.

I once read a quote which I really liked. Nobody can make you sad if you don't let them. Once you adopt such a mindset, it's like you are untouchable, above all things else. I still have the power to make my choices in life, and I will never yield.

How now? I be patient, wait and have faith. It may be the final challenge to go through before we can really be joined in matrimony. He always reminded me that I'm marrying him, not his family, and I hope he meant what he said. I believe that god is a reasonable person and would not make things difficult for a couple really in love.

Whatever it is, life goes on and I refuse to spend another day in my life wallowing in sorrow.

I need to find peace and start having me beauty sleep again. I can't believe that I have totally lost my appetite these 2 days. I ain't even tempted by BBQ Chicken Wings, barely finished my lunch nor my tom yum noodles tonight.

Seriously, oh my god. WTF? I thought things like that only happened in the movies.