.::. Loving Work? .::.

Today, I visited my place after work and hosted an almost stranger who requested to view our place.  I'm pretty open in that sense, I wouldn't mind sharing my place with people, and getting to know different people.  I would like to invite people to my home.  It's like the many Swedish and friends who welcomed me into their homes with open arms while I was alone in a foreign land.  It was so heartwarming, and makes the world a better place when people are so open and friendly.  If all of them closed their doors and seen me as a strange Asian, I suppose my experience in Sweden wouldn't have been as great as it has been.

There was the usual talk, showing him around and discussing how we intend to do up our place.  He just returned to Singapore after spending a few years abroad.  He's in the financial sector and I shared that I was sort of in finance too.  Then, he asked me a question out of the blue.

He asked me if I liked my job.

I was taken aback and dumbfounded for a moment.  Little did I expect this from a near stranger who I met for the first time.  I blinked twice and didn't know exactly what to say for a moment.

Then, I said no.  Quietly.  Guiltily.

This is a question which haunts me all the time.  This is the question which I have been asking myself for a long time.  I knew the answer, and have never stopped searching for what I liked doing.  Keep searching, Steve Jobs said.  I never stopped, yet I don't feel like I'm nearer to the answer.

It's the first time someone actually asked me this.  The first time I actually said it out loud and conceded that I do not like my job very much.

It's apparent that he's jaded and also searching.  Well, it pays the bills I said.  It isn't that bad, since I'm in an industry that was fun and glamourous.  There were perks like having great food and drinking nice champagne often.  But when it comes to the job itself, I guess I'll have to admit that I don't like it that much.  It isn't a difficult job, isn't that challenging but it can be frustrating and very operational at times.

I don't hate my job, it's alright.  But there's a huge difference between being passionate about what you do and finding your job bearable isn't it?  And it is after being in the workforce for some time that I finally admit that you can't excel in something you are not passionate in.  It's one thing being good at what you do, and another excelling in what you do.  

It comes back to the question, what do I like to do?

It's complicated, because you might not be good in what you like to do and what you like to do may not pay the bills.  Someone once told me in a matter of fact - then be good at what you like to do.  It sounded so simple, coming from someone who is actually good at what she likes to do.  Yet she chose to leave what she liked to do for a better paid job.  She told me that it wasn't worth it and she might well go back to what she likes to do soon.

It's those people who get to do what they like to do whom I deeply admire.  Anyone can give you any advice and tell you how difficult and realistic this world is.  Yet how many could actually go against all forces and pursue what they like?

No, I haven't found the answer.  And yes, I'll keep searching.  

Maybe one day, I can get to admire myself and my courage.

Thank you for making an impact today stranger.