Every one of us have heard horror stories about MIL and how difficult it is to maintain a good relationship with your MIL. Little did I expect that it will become one of the biggest problem in my life some day. Afterall, I'm pretty easy-going and generally try to avoid conflicts as much as possible. I always keep my distance and avoid people who I do not click with. It keeps my inner-circle close and I only care about those who matters.
I've been having nightmares. Literally. I dreamt that his uncle called me, and asked me to go down to see his mother. Something terrible happened. And when I went there, his maternal family was there. I can't remember the details, I only remembered that they tried really hard to convince me to convert to Christianity, and I chose to leave the husband. I told the husband, I can't do this anymore, I wanted a divorce. I'm sorry. And if someday, things change, he can come back for me but I can't stay married to him and endure these from his family anymore. The sadness I felt was so intense, I felt so helpless. I woke up in tears, it felt so real and I continued brawling for quite some time. I was so very sad.
Do not do unto others what you do not want others do unto you. The golden rule, and I believe it must be in the bible somewhere right? I can't understand how these staunch evangelist can try so whole-heatedly to change others' religion at the expense of relationships around them and still think they are doing others a favour. How would they feel if I kept trying to tell them that my god is real while theirs isn't? How would they feel if I kept trying to convert them? How do you have any relationship with someone who tries so hard to change your beliefs without knowing who you really are nor respect you as an individual with different beliefs?
It's a struggle trying to make sense of the dynamics of the MIL-DIL relationship. When we just started dating 7 years ago, everything was great. She invited me to come over often, told me how her son changed for the better after he got to know me, encouraged us to go dating more often. Then somewhere along the way, things started to change. We start to get questions like where are we going, why ain't we eating at home, and you start feeling the shift in attitude.
The worst part for me was knowing that she opposes to our marriage just because I was not a Christian. It was so hurtful when she say things like we are too young when we were 26, it was too soon when we have dated for 7 years, that his father opposed to our marriage although he obviously said no such thing. Did she think that she could convince her son to make me convert although it was communicated to her quite some time ago that I will not? Or did she think that her son probably wouldn't end up marrying me despite our 7 year relationship? Everything went downhill since then. I seemed to have become the enemy who has led her son astray. I was going to hell while her precious son will go to heaven, and our kids will suffer because the bible says the world will end someday. I guess I would be the one pushing my children to hell because I wouldn't bring them up as Christians? Can't she see or feel our love for each other throughout the years? Can't she see how happy we are together? Can't she realize how much anguish she is causing everyone?
It's extremely painful, knowing that you are not accepted and unworthy just because of your religion (or lack thereof). Afterall, I have made the effort to attend every single family dinner or gathering the past 7 years without fail, turning up more often than his own sister and uncle. I was the one who bought his family presents without fail every Christmas. Surely all these count for something over the years? I've came to realize that these doesn't mean much.
The husband once told me that it doesn't matter, because I'm marrying him, not his family. And now, he says that I'm marrying into his family. I guess there's no running away from these problems, and only very lucky girls end up with good husbands and good MILs. Sometimes you get good MILs but horrible husbands, so I suppose that I'm getting the better deal.
I do worry about how these will evolve over the years, and both of us are struggling to handle these in our own ways. We don't talk much about it, because both of us are hurting, and I know that he can only try this hard to appease everyone and fulfil his duties as a son and husband and still perform at work. One woman is the one who gave birth to him, gave him life and brought him up, while the other is his chosen life partner, the one whom he loves and seeks to protect, and be the mother of his future children. I know that at the end of the day, the person who hurts most is the one both of us love. I never doubted her good intentions, yet I wonder if she realizes how much anguish, frustration and pain she has inflicted on him. I guess I finally understood what he meant after going through all these with him.
As much as I believe that love never fails and can conquer many things, there are many moments of doubt and despair. Despite all, there's still this blind faith that everything happens for a reason. God must have the power to touch everyone, yet there must be a reason why there exists so many religions in the world. Perhaps it's his way of reaching out to many more people, or a tool to teach people things like tolerance, respect and acceptance. And there must be a reason why someone like me have so much blind faith despite not having a religion, and the Christian way is not the only way to live a happy and fulfilling life.
I will try all I can to make this work. But I ever told him that there's a limit to everything, and I am up to my neck, so don't blame me when I retaliate. I can't and won't change myself, and there has to be a balance. I do not have the capacity to love and be loving when I do not love myself enough. And when the day comes when leaving him is less painful than staying married to him, it's gonna be a very difficult choice.
I pray that her god will let her see the light, let her see how her seemingly good intentions are inflicting so much pain to people around her, give her the capacity to love others even when they have different beliefs, give her the capacity to accept that god made everyone an individual instead of trying to change them into what she thinks is best, give her the wisdom to see the consequences of her actions and most importantly, to find happiness in life.
I know a few truly Christian friends, and one ever told me, love more, love them anyway.
And I will love, give all I have to be a good wife and create a happy family for the both of us and try to love this woman who gave me the best husband I can ever ask for.
Love more, and perhaps I will hurt less.
After all, love never fails. Right?
I've been having nightmares. Literally. I dreamt that his uncle called me, and asked me to go down to see his mother. Something terrible happened. And when I went there, his maternal family was there. I can't remember the details, I only remembered that they tried really hard to convince me to convert to Christianity, and I chose to leave the husband. I told the husband, I can't do this anymore, I wanted a divorce. I'm sorry. And if someday, things change, he can come back for me but I can't stay married to him and endure these from his family anymore. The sadness I felt was so intense, I felt so helpless. I woke up in tears, it felt so real and I continued brawling for quite some time. I was so very sad.
Do not do unto others what you do not want others do unto you. The golden rule, and I believe it must be in the bible somewhere right? I can't understand how these staunch evangelist can try so whole-heatedly to change others' religion at the expense of relationships around them and still think they are doing others a favour. How would they feel if I kept trying to tell them that my god is real while theirs isn't? How would they feel if I kept trying to convert them? How do you have any relationship with someone who tries so hard to change your beliefs without knowing who you really are nor respect you as an individual with different beliefs?
It's a struggle trying to make sense of the dynamics of the MIL-DIL relationship. When we just started dating 7 years ago, everything was great. She invited me to come over often, told me how her son changed for the better after he got to know me, encouraged us to go dating more often. Then somewhere along the way, things started to change. We start to get questions like where are we going, why ain't we eating at home, and you start feeling the shift in attitude.
The worst part for me was knowing that she opposes to our marriage just because I was not a Christian. It was so hurtful when she say things like we are too young when we were 26, it was too soon when we have dated for 7 years, that his father opposed to our marriage although he obviously said no such thing. Did she think that she could convince her son to make me convert although it was communicated to her quite some time ago that I will not? Or did she think that her son probably wouldn't end up marrying me despite our 7 year relationship? Everything went downhill since then. I seemed to have become the enemy who has led her son astray. I was going to hell while her precious son will go to heaven, and our kids will suffer because the bible says the world will end someday. I guess I would be the one pushing my children to hell because I wouldn't bring them up as Christians? Can't she see or feel our love for each other throughout the years? Can't she see how happy we are together? Can't she realize how much anguish she is causing everyone?
It's extremely painful, knowing that you are not accepted and unworthy just because of your religion (or lack thereof). Afterall, I have made the effort to attend every single family dinner or gathering the past 7 years without fail, turning up more often than his own sister and uncle. I was the one who bought his family presents without fail every Christmas. Surely all these count for something over the years? I've came to realize that these doesn't mean much.
The husband once told me that it doesn't matter, because I'm marrying him, not his family. And now, he says that I'm marrying into his family. I guess there's no running away from these problems, and only very lucky girls end up with good husbands and good MILs. Sometimes you get good MILs but horrible husbands, so I suppose that I'm getting the better deal.
I do worry about how these will evolve over the years, and both of us are struggling to handle these in our own ways. We don't talk much about it, because both of us are hurting, and I know that he can only try this hard to appease everyone and fulfil his duties as a son and husband and still perform at work. One woman is the one who gave birth to him, gave him life and brought him up, while the other is his chosen life partner, the one whom he loves and seeks to protect, and be the mother of his future children. I know that at the end of the day, the person who hurts most is the one both of us love. I never doubted her good intentions, yet I wonder if she realizes how much anguish, frustration and pain she has inflicted on him. I guess I finally understood what he meant after going through all these with him.
As much as I believe that love never fails and can conquer many things, there are many moments of doubt and despair. Despite all, there's still this blind faith that everything happens for a reason. God must have the power to touch everyone, yet there must be a reason why there exists so many religions in the world. Perhaps it's his way of reaching out to many more people, or a tool to teach people things like tolerance, respect and acceptance. And there must be a reason why someone like me have so much blind faith despite not having a religion, and the Christian way is not the only way to live a happy and fulfilling life.
I will try all I can to make this work. But I ever told him that there's a limit to everything, and I am up to my neck, so don't blame me when I retaliate. I can't and won't change myself, and there has to be a balance. I do not have the capacity to love and be loving when I do not love myself enough. And when the day comes when leaving him is less painful than staying married to him, it's gonna be a very difficult choice.
I pray that her god will let her see the light, let her see how her seemingly good intentions are inflicting so much pain to people around her, give her the capacity to love others even when they have different beliefs, give her the capacity to accept that god made everyone an individual instead of trying to change them into what she thinks is best, give her the wisdom to see the consequences of her actions and most importantly, to find happiness in life.
I know a few truly Christian friends, and one ever told me, love more, love them anyway.
And I will love, give all I have to be a good wife and create a happy family for the both of us and try to love this woman who gave me the best husband I can ever ask for.
Love more, and perhaps I will hurt less.
After all, love never fails. Right?
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