.::. Missing Sweden .::.

I really miss those days there, especially when old friends drop me a message. Those carefree days, my favourite beach near my place.

I've got an invitation to Kosovo, Montenegro, Albania, Macedonia and Greece! And I really would like to visit Emma again, Julia and Alex too.

I miss you girls!

.::. Amazing India Dubai .::.

I want to visit Dubai someday! Although I still think that man-made beauty could never be as beautiful as nature's beauty, one can't deny that those sky-scrappers which they are building are impressive.



Burj Khalifa also known us Burj Dubai or Dubai Tower, world's tallest building. Former tallest building, Taipei 101 is 508m tall and this is 828m tall, with 162 storeys!!!

Hyatt hotel, the most inclined building in the world. It's inclining 4 times more than Pisa, and Joey says I 'might' want to go there to take some pictures.

The Trump International Hotel & Tower.

Dubai towers Dubai. Very strange buildings! Joey says that it looks inspired by Gaudi, and I do not like Gaudi's work apart from the colourful tiles.

Looks like we must pay Dubai a visit someday, to take a picture of their amazing skyline. It's too incredible. They have too much money and nowhere to spend. Apart from these weird buildings, they build things like man-made island resembling the palm tree and the world map which can be viewed from the Moon (according to them). Then there's the underwater hotel that is built in Germany and assembled there. I wonder how much resources are they splurging on these needless luxuries! I feel somewhat sad for the environment (obviously being influenced by Europeans' somewhat), but I'm not going to pretend that I'm not impressed by humans' power.

Joey thinks that I'll be able to get very interesting magnets to add to my collection there.

The question is - WHEN should I visit Dubai?

They are building better and taller and more amazing buildings all the time!

.::. Souvenirs .::.

I'm a sucker for sovenirs when I travel, especially small and pretty stuff, things like magnets. Check out my pretty magnet board and Disney Paris puzzle!



*loves!

.::. Pray .::.

Officially, I'm a free-thinker and sometimes I tell people that I'm an atheist. But I believe in God, I believe that 'God' exists. I do pray often and seek solace in it although I am not religious.

I have visited so many churches the past 10 months and I have tried to have a better understanding of religion, namely Christianity. It is amazing how many are true believers, and the paintings of 'Jesus' and his sacrifice have been magnificent. I'm curious about how so many people could believe, without any doubt, in everything their religion says.



The first service I attended in Europe was in London's Westminister Abbey, with the boyfriend. It's where Princess Diana wedded and where all the royal events take place. I like the peaceful calm in churches, because it's always so beautiful inside and everyone is quiet and respectful. I tried to concentrate on the service, but I found it very difficult to 'surrender myself to god' and actually believe that I'm a slave to god and I'm supposed to serve him. I simply couldn't connect with these, nor could I draw strength from this. In short, I like the calm exterior but couldn't find peace within myself. I couldn't help but question 'seriously?!'

I can sense that the boyfriend is happy that I'm attending service with him (although he himself haven't attended service for god-knows-how-long). I really tried. When I visited Norte Dame in Paris, I told him that I'll pray to god humbly and hope that he answers my prayer. If he really does, I will try to learn about him. But then, nope, my prayer was not answered!

St Peter's at Vatican is the most beautiful church I have ever visited! After visiting St Peter's, all other church pales in comparison. The whole chuch was so grand and opulent, even more so than castles! I like marble, and all the sculptures inside were really stunning. I attended another service with the boyfriend here, and it lasted for about 90 minutes! I really couldn't connect to the verses, but I was really in awe of the stunning altar which was brightly lit. I even went to share 'bread' at the end, because I wanted to be fed by the cardinals in red.

It was such a stunning church, yet I couldn't feel connected in any way spiritually. Perhaps I'm too strong and independent, I can't 'submit' to god or anyone else. I just couldn't. God is someone whom I pray to when I'm in doubt or need help, but I can't submit fully and pretend that I'm not capable of dictating my own life.

I really loved Vatican, and I'm impressed by how people could submit to god without any doubt. The paintings and sculptures to workship god are really beautiful and amazing.

But at the end of the day, I simply can't, not with my heart nor my brain.

An interviewer asked me, why am I a free-thinker, because not many would admit that on their CV. I told him I found it hard to fully believe in any one religion because of all the conflicts and bloodshed religion has caused throughout history. Afterall, I'm a history student, a sociology student. Sociologists believe that people created religion. I do not believe that any god would condone bloodshed for religion, and it must be humans who caused these in the name of religion. Moreover, the bible was written by humans! Humans who are not perfect and have their own motivations! I couldn't understand why are there so many different branches of christianity and even conflicts between them when all of them follow the bible. Nobody could answer my questions nor really convince me.

At the end of the day, I still came back and went to the temple I always frequent. I felt so uneasy for weeks, because I've yet to pray there. I dislike the incense smoke and smell, and it's usually very warm and noisy. It's very unlike the quiet and calm interior of churches. Ironically, my heart found peace and calm despite the noisy surroundings. I prayed, and had faith that things will turn out fine. I simply felt like I've done what I'm supposed to do, and all should do is continue trying, wait, and have faith.

Eat, pray, love.

.::. Across the ocean, across the sea .::.



We took a stroll today, to East Coast Park.

It's actually quite a nice place really.

We brought Chinook along, and he's really alot braver now! But then, he's still timid by nature and refused to go into the water. He's also really afraid of bicycles.



It has been a quiet and calm evening, something which I needed.

Eversince I have been back, I really feel the stress. It's not like anyone is actually giving me stress, but it's just the whole environment in which I am in and the questions people ask. Jobs, money and marriage are constant topics, no matter who I talk to. As much as we may resent the way things are, we seem to be constantly reinforcing reality and subconsciously, stress.

I missed home so much while I was in Sweden. I missed the food and efficiency especially, but I was almost stress-free there. I never had trouble sleeping nor feel stressed. I simply felt so light and we don't seem to chat about stressful matters either. Europeans have such a laid-back perspective to life that it rubs off you. They don't seem to worry about much at all, not much about money nor job nor savings nor marriage nor society's/family's expectations of them. They simply seem so...free.

When I'm stressed, I need to go jogging or take a stroll. Otherwise I'll simply hide under my blankets, curl up and sleep it away.When a couple is jobless and job-hunting, there are times that it's hard to be upbeat and the frustration becomes contagious.

I think it's quarter-life crisis, 6 months early. I feel myself being swept by society's currents - do the 'right' thing, get a job, , save up, get married, have kids, earn more money to support your kids. While there's nothing wrong with that, there's this resistance within me which questions why I should follow the flow. What do I really want to do with my life?

I dread going back to the days, dragging myself to work, hating every moment of it, hoping that time passes me by so that I can get paid and clock enough time for my resume before I can quit. Everyweek passes me by, because I'm always looking forward to Fridays and the weekends are over before I know it.

In short, I was hoping that my life would be able to be over quickly. It's really a horrifying thought, living my life and hoping that days could pass me by ASAP, without really enjoying and cherishing everyday.

Being away for a year and being around so many different people, I have learnt that there are different ways to live life and that it is possible to enjoy living. Yet being back, coming back to this pressure-cooker environment, what I am most afraid of is that I'll flow with the society's current yet again.

I'm afraid that when I become a mother, I'm going to put my child through the same thing. I'm afraid that I'll become one of those mothers who enrol my child to endless enrichment lessons and put so much focus and stress on his results. But I jolly-well know that it's essential for this society, and preparing him for it is probably what I should do. I used to be an advocate of this, but now I question if it's even the right environment to bring up my child in.

Parents teach their child many things, yet they don't teach them how to be happy and how to be contented. We are trained to be never satisfied, always ask for more.Having too much time to reflect might not be a good thing. Perhaps in no time, I'll become that detached accountant again, staring at my computer screen 12 hours a day and coming home dead-tired, without any excess energy to think.

It's scary, how life passes you by. How to actually cherish everyday and do something meaningful everyday?

20 years down the road, will I be proud of what I have achieved or done?

.::. The last day .::.

It was my last day in Sweden. Obviously, we're supposed to experience something Swedish before we say goodbye to Sweden.



I brought the boyfriend to IKEA for lunch. It was my first time there too, this was newly opened about 6 months back and I have only been to the old IKEA. If I'm not wrong, this is the biggest IKEA in Sweden. But then, IKEA looks the same everywhere and even serve similar food, so it's not that special. The meatballs looks darker in Sweden though!

At Malmo's main square.

I brought the boyfriend to my favourite beach too. The weather was so beautiful and there were so many people on the beach. I really miss that kind of weather and blue skies.

We met up with Aom too, who will be leaving Sweden the next day too.

I really enjoyed the past year in Sweden. It has been a long journey, from the first day I arrived, till I got used to things and established friendships with the many different people there. Sadly, every journey has to end. All of us are back to where we came from with only memories to remind us that these were real.

.::. Interviews .::.

5 interviews later, I'm dreading more interviews and would just like to have a job. *sigh. What happened to the drive to find a 'perfect job'?

I dislike interviews, not because I am nervous or because I am afraid of the questions they ask. I dislike interviews because I have to look presentable, have good composture, look smart and interested yet not too desperate and answer the same questions again and again! Then there's the traveling part to different offices all over Singapore, sometimes at not-so-convenient locations too.

Apart from these interviews, I spent alot of time looking through those advertisements and sending out many applications practically everyday (days when I'm not watching soccer).

I must have faith. The piggy bank is empty and I need a job soon.

Job-hunting is stressful, not like having a job is not stressful. *sigh. All the stress is weighing down on me, it's suffocating!

.::. Favourites .::.

3 weeks ain't short, but it's definitely not long either. It has been a great month in Europe and there were so much laughter and memories. It was really a dream-come-true.

There's too much to share, and I'll probably not be able to. Just some bits and pieces of the trip.




Norway.

It's definitely one of my favourite countries, for its stunning and breath-taking natural beauty. I'm glad to bring the boyfriend there again this time round. But it's seriously the most expensive country ever.

Paris.

It's simply, Paris, the most romantic city in the world. I don't think it's over-rated and it still has so much to offer. It was at this moment when we pointed at the Singapore flag and took the picture together that it really hit me how far we've came together. I still remember visiting Chinese Garden's Mooncake Festival, which had lots of lanterns of World's wonders a few years back. Yet now, we are visiting the real thing!



Florence.

Both of us were tired. It was late, and we were carrying a backpack, having walked 20 minutes to look for our hostel. It was 10pm, and the sun was setting. I was in awe of the beautiful sunset and we ended up forgetting all about our fatigue and took pictures along the bridge. That's how traveling with your beloved should be.

Pisa.

For some reason, we were very excited about visiting Pisa although everyone says that it's 'just' a leaning building. We didn't even make it into the church or anything around it. We simply too many pictures there, laughing our heads off. Imagine a row of 5 people, doing the same action (i.e. trying to push the tower down), and 5 more photographers directing them. We ourselves sent quite abit of time trying to take different pictures there. It was really fun. =)

One month passed by way too quickly.