.::. Parents .::.

One of the best things that you could do for your parents is to let them worry less about you, live well, be well, be happy. Yet it may be easier said than done when what they want for you might not be what you want for yourself, and it becomes a delicate balance.

.::. Insurance .::.

This struck home recently as a close one suffered from a sudden heart-attack at barely 40 years-old. Due to proximity and criticality, she was admitted to a private hospital nearest the workplace. Few days and an operation later, the hospital bill came to a 6-digit figure. She’s still in the ICU, and it’s still a long journey ahead. With just the basic MediSave without additional cover, it covers a very small fraction of total cost. It’s really a stressful period as the family have to cope emotionally and financially.

Just this year, we finally sat down to do some financial planning for the family. For years now, since before marriage, I have been trying to get the husband to examine his insurance policies and coverage. Being financially trained, I see the importance of insurance and financial planning early in life, as soon as possible. The husband has been someone who does not like to handle stuff like that. His policies were bought by his parents and he was always told that he ‘has everything’ and is covered, no need for more insurance. This dragged on for years as he was reluctant to take any action.

Finally, we looked through his policies this year as I was also looking to increase my coverage. He has a hospitalization plan that does not cover the deductible portion plus a cap for total claim amount and an NTUC plan that covers a grand total of $25K. Needless to say, I was horrified and insisted on getting him covered. The $25K coverage will not even cover his funeral expenses, I morbidly exclaimed.

My advice to all working adults is to get full hospitalization cover as soon as possible. I’m the ‘buy term and invest the rest’ type, and also have (early) critical illness coverage - 不怕死，只是怕不死。(loosely translated as ‘not afraid of death, only afraid that one do not die’). Any illness or accident can potentially wipe out decades of savings with unimaginable financial and emotional stress for the family.

My dad is someone who does not believe in insurance and always complained about the profits made by insurance companies. He also thinks that it’s ‘expensive’ since insurance companies have the right to increase the premiums anytime during the coverage. However, when premiums increase, it usually reflects the increase in healthcare cost. He also thinks that Medisave ‘is enough’ and he does not mind being treated in public hospitals. However, I beg to differ and have come across so many instances where Medisave is grossly inadequate and that public hospitals might not give the best or even ‘sufficient’ care when you need it most.

I will always remember the sight when we visited his grandmother at Changi Hospital. It was a 6 or 8 bedded non-aircon ward with no full walls across the whole level. ‘Rooms’ were separated by chest-level walls, and you can look across the whole level and hear everything. There were many old people, some in worse condition than others. Many were groaning in pain or perhaps trying to talk. It was a very disturbing sight that never fail to haunt me. I hate hospitals. I have also been to many public hospitals, and the nurses were curt and sometimes rude and lack patience and compassion. Doctors were often trainees who does not seem to be very sure of what they are doing. I have also heard of many horror stories and bad experiences around me. Compare that with a private hospital - the whole environment, doctors and nurses are really a world apart. It really hit me that you get what you pay for. If I ever need the hospital and critical care, I really would want a comfortable environment and not have to worry about bills.

Of course, the best insurance is always taking good care of one’s health with regular exercise and a balanced diet. Go for regular checkups and listen to your body. However, one really wouldn’t know when sickness may hit, especially with longevity. Get insured before anything happens and you become uninsurable. I’m very thankful to have met a really great insurance agent who gives me constant updates and informs me whenever he’s out of town. I am also invested in healthcare stocks and funds, which I believe is a growing yet resilient industry.

Health is wealth and nothing is more important than one’s health! While physical health is the focus here, mental health is also something one should be mindful of.

If you are not covered by insurance yet, please do your family a favor and consider getting covered.

.::.What is the point of marriage? .::.

"結婚，到底是為了什麼" 越來越多的男人討不到老婆 因為越來越多女人不想結婚 女人說： 我想偶爾跟朋友出去，不想失去單身的自由; 我想高興吃什麼就吃什麼，不想變成理所當然的煮飯婆; 我想花錢打扮自己讓自己開心，不想每天想著要怎麼省來貼補家用; 我想當媽媽永遠的心肝寶貝，不想提心吊膽不知道婆婆什麼時候會嫌我; 我想當永遠的情人，不想在努力當個好老婆時，還要當老公的另一個媽。 

男人說： 結了婚，當然要以家庭為重，不能老是往外跑; 結了婚，當然要入得了廚房，洗手做羹湯; 結了婚，當然要為兩人的未來打拼，分擔家計; 結了婚，當然要把我的家人當作你的家人一樣; 結了婚，當然要做好老婆的本份 - 照顧好老公， 所以女人不懂... 

那我結婚到底是為了什麼？ 

我愛你跟你說過的愛我一樣多， 可是結了婚，我卻要改變那麼多只為了當你的老婆， 我只能有你這一個朋友，還要當個抓住你的胃的煮飯婆， 你有工作，不一定會養我，只因為我也有自己的工作， 你娶了我只是身邊多一個人，我嫁給你身邊卻是多了一家子人， 你們都過著習慣的生活，我卻要捨棄我習慣過的生活。 

但是男人也抱怨： 為了娶老婆我也是很辛苦， 我要有車子，要養房子，還要準備聘金還有鑽石戒指， 我省吃儉用一輩子，為了娶老婆還要一直減少存款數字， 況且當人家老婆，本來就是這個樣子， 要認命的持家，還要相夫教子...... 因為雙方都這麼辛苦， 所以越來越多女人不想結婚。 既可以讓男人保有存款數字， 也不會讓女人變成像是花錢請來的保姆， 所以男人啊，當你有天想問女人為什麼不想結婚時， 請先幫女人想想，跟你結婚有什麼好的呢？ 

女人因為婚姻 得拋下自己的父母，來照顧男人的父母。 但男人不用 女人因為婚姻 得挺個又重又大的球十個月， 只為了替男人生下一個跟男人姓的下一代; 還得承受生完小孩後的體質變差，身材變形的後遺症， 但男人不用 女人因為婚姻 得放棄一卡車追求他的好男人， 並埋沒了最美的青春; 但男人卻不為青春所懼，反而愈老愈值錢 女人因為婚姻 得放棄父母給她二十多年的姓， 被冠上某某'太太'二字; 但男人沒變。 女人因為婚姻 得早上上班，晚上煮飯做家事帶小孩， 有工作也有家事的壓力; 但男人沒差，反而多了個賺錢的人和不用給薪的女傭。 女人因為婚姻 得去適應一個完全不同的家庭和面對男人的親友團批評， 女人如果試圖尋求男人的保護時， 換來的是...男人不僅沒有保護他的女人， 反而一起落井下石...在一個女人孤力無援的環境裡。 

男人啊 若在您的身邊有這樣的一個傻女人時， 請當她的笨男人，好好的珍惜她，照顧她吧 別忘了，她不是天生就該來照顧你們全家大小的， 而是因為她愛你...... 她受傷的時候，好好傾聽她，支持她，保護她，為她拭淚， 她就會感動一輩子。 

Came across this article numerous times and it sends me into deep thought about marriage and what it means for a woman. Marriage used to be very much about security as women had to rely on men for the bacon among other things. Women nowadays contribute to the household finances equally, are independent and educated, but are still expected to play the many traditional roles. 

Many-a-times, women go through immense pressure while having to move in with in-laws and live under intense scrutiny. Things get worse when children comes along and most of the time, women have to swallow it all down and endure whatever rude comments that's being thrown at them. It seems like women is always at the losing end.

What is the point of marriage?

Marry only if you're very sure you've found the right one! Many have asked me, how do you know it's 'right'? 

You will know when the time comes. You may not know if it may last forever, but you will know that he's the right one whom you want to do this with.

Men, be nice to your wife and realize how much she has to give up for you. Some appreciation goes a long way. There's a saying that goes happy wife, happy family. An unhappy and bitter wife will bring all her unhappiness into the family.   

.::. Religion & Respect .::.

"Do to no one what you yourself dislike." —Tobit 4:15

  "And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise." - Luke 6:31

How would Christians feel if you knowingly and purposely give them Buddhist scriptures or readings about other religion? How would they feel if you keep telling them again and again that Jesus is not god and does not exist?

Anyone who respects another's religion will never knowingly do that.

After receiving angbaos with bible quotes and christianity books, I've yet again received more booklets about Christianity.  At this rate, I am going to receive bibles soon.

And how do I feel?  How am I supposed to feel?

I swallow this, because I love my husband, because I try to avoid conflict.  I put up a facade and take all these that come my way, just because these are people I call my family.  Family who will never get to know who I am as a person, family who only thinks about changing my religion and do not respect me as a person nor my personal choice of religion. It's really a form of torture to me, having to constantly put up with these.

Why oh why, do Christians selectively follow bible verses?  What happened to respect? Doesn't the bible teach about respect?

.::. The Wedding .::.

They say that a woman is most beautiful on her wedding day, but I know that was definitely not me at my most beautiful.  I knew it wouldn’t be my happiest day ever since the MIL opposed to our marriage just because I wasn’t a Christian.  I had no expectations of my own big day, I anticipated the worst.  I was constantly anticipating something bad, right till the very end.  I didn’t believe that things would go smoothly till we boarded the plane and flew off after the wedding.    There were nights when I had nightmares of my wedding being hijacked by evangelists or horrible scenes with people screaming.  I had dreams of forced divorce and it was just difficult to look forward to my own wedding.  So many things can go wrong, and many did.  I can’t forget that expression nor those words.  One can forgive, but how can one forget?

I’m thankful that so many are happy for us, and we are truly blessed by beautiful people around us.  My parents are probably happy, but I’m not sure if getting married actually takes a load off their shoulders or actually makes them even more worried.  I dread it that they now have to put up with whatever remarks said about me, and be troubled by our marriage life.  I have always did things on my own and never wanted them to be worried about me in any way, yet marriage brought about so many issues just because I chose who I chose.  It’s strange how your spouse is the only family you can choose and marriage makes a whole bunch of people your ‘family’, yet divorce would make these same bunch unrelated strangers.  

Having said that, it seems like many were happy that day.  Everyone seemed more excited and happy than me.  Even the husband was laughing in every photo.  He promised me that we would marry me 3 years into the relationship, and he really did 8 years into the relationship. The girls have been such great support amidst all the chaos, and really took care of everything for me.  It gives me great solace to be surrounded by my loved ones.

And honestly, I don't have much memories of that day.  Everything went by in a flash and I just went through the motions.  A good photographer really makes a difference, and what I know of that day was all through the photos.  I wished we had the budget to get Lightedpixels!

The best advice I've gotten during this period:

A wedding is for a day, a marriage is for a lifetime.

How true.

And here we go again, embarking on yet another journey.

.::. Moving In .::.

The husband has decided to move in ASAP and I scrambled to get the home functional last weekend.  After relentless arguments, things have perhaps reached breaking point, and the MIL even left the snow skin durian mooncake I bought on his bed.  Indeed, maturity does not come with age.  If only we had trust our instincts and insisted not to use the relative, perhaps we could have avoided all the trouble.

It isn’t the best situation now, but at least we still have each other.  Perhaps one can never have it all.

So I went home and packed some clothes yesterday to move in with the husband ‘officially’.  Many have asked me if I would feel sad moving out of my own home.  I always said no, it has always been my dream to have my own place and having my beloved to share it with is really the best thing I could have.  Little did I know that moving out would feel so bad.  The siblings were doing their stuff as usual while mum was cooking and dad’s meditating.  It was just another day at home, yet it’s the day I’m moving out.  I didn’t even feel this bad when I left home for Sweden.  Mum says ‘move then move lor’ when I told her I’m moving out.  Even asked me to pack all my stuff into boxes so that they can help me move when possible.  I still have so much stuff at home!  Thankfully my parents are those traditional and practical type, so no scene nor big fuss, just normality.

I really feel like a grown-up now, like I’ve stepped into yet another stage in life and having to handle all the grown-up problems as they come.  Promoted perhaps.   I am now responsible for myself and our little family.  Even as an independent individual, this feels daunting.  From all the household chores, to the bills and everything else, it’ll be just us.  Sometime down the road, we’ll have children and end up as parents caring for a totally dependent baby. I can’t really imagine how life will be.

I cried the first night we moved in officially.  I’m was feeling so emotional, and perhaps that’s what everyone goes through.  It’s just, not something you can prepare yourself for no matter what you do or think.

It has been crazy, with all the household chores and realizing that we do not have this and that.  I’m always planning my time right after work, rushing to get errands done and buy all the things we need.  The husband who keeps saying ‘slowly’ is now asking me why don’t we have this and that.  Week nights pass by so quickly and there’s simply so much to do.

The husband must have a harder time than me.  The guy who has never stayed in HDB and probably haven’t done much housework.  He washed his first load of clothes yesterday as I went to get an ironing board and household items. I forgot to pass him instructions, and came home to a load of clothes ‘dipped in drain water’.  His pants color ran and stained his 3 shirts, my white bra and underwear.  The most amusing thing is that, he said he put his 3 white shirts in the protective bag.  He actually thought that the protective bag would ‘protect’ the clothes from stain.  Hello? The water used is the same!  The bag only protects the material from too much friction and such.

I guess it’ll take us some time to settle down, get everything we need, get used to living together and splitting the work load.

So far, so good.  I wake up at 545am every morning and seeing the husband right beside does give you alittle more motivation to get out of bed to work hard for our future together.

.::. Carpentry nightmare continues .::.

Day 102 - Friday 

Backsplash was still not up although kitchen was ready more than a month ago. The relative must have sat on it as usual, everything is stuck at his end. I finally got a call from a Binson guy (just found out that he’s the project coordinator from the relative’s company) on Friday, asking if they could come and install backsplash later that evening. The husband got him to contact me directly since he was travelling. I told him that I’ll be available from 6pm onwards, and he requested for a later timing – between 9-10pm. Although it was a tad late, I agreed, since I really did not want to drag this any longer. Binson asked for my permission to give the backsplash guy (Ah liang) my phone number, and I obviously agreed, so that he could contact me if anything crops up.

So there I was, waiting alone at our home on a Friday night till almost 11pm and there was still no sign of my backsplash guy, no calls from Binson nor Ah Liang. I tried to call Binson up, but his phone was off. The husband landed at 10pm and asked me to go home when I told him what happened. We have not moved in and it was getting really late.

Ah liang finally called me at around 11pm, telling me that he’s at Balestier. It was way too late by the time he arrives, and I asked him to arrange for Saturday installation. He wasn’t able to give me a timing and told me that he will call me again to ‘let me know tomorrow’. It’s as if my life and schedule revolved around these people. I told him that I’ll be available from 3pm onwards, and he could come anytime after that, but give me a call first.


Day 103 - Saturday 

Ah liang gave me a call at 10am, telling me that he can come now, arriving at about 11am. I already had something on and again told him after 3pm. We waited all till 630pm till he finally called and told us that he can’t make it today. He didn’t have any evening slots the week ahead too, and promised to come at 10-11am on Monday. I made him double-confirm that and had to get my parents to come over to wait for him since both of us were obviously working.

Day 105 - Monday

I was at a meeting, till my dad told me that ah liang was still not here when it’s already past 11am. I asked my dad to call ah liang directly since I wasn’t able to, and the husband did not reply to my message. Ah liang told my dad after lunch at around 2pm. The husband later got the message and called Binson. Binson told my husband that I wanted to liaise with ah liang directly and he was not in the loop. Basically, he does not know what happened and the flippant attitude was like it’s none of his business.

I was so angry!  This Binson simply arranged this and did not follow up, not knowing that the backsplash was not done. Now, he’s putting words into my mouth saying that I wanted to liaise directly (I said no such thing), shrinking all responsibility. He told the husband that ah liang will come at 1pm.

So, ah liang says 2pm, Binson says 1pm. I called this Binson up, wanting to confirm the timing and confront him on the point that I wanted to liaise with ah liang directly. And when I told him that his guy did not come on Friday night, asking him if he told my husband that I wanted to liaise directly with ah liang, he hung up on me. I was so pissed and tried to call him again. After several attempts, he finally answered and told me that if I wanted to talk to him, talk to him properly. I continued, telling him that I did not say I wanted to liaise with ah liang directly, he hung up again! And refused to pick up my call anymore.

I was so **** angry.   

This Binson was so rude and simply shrunk all responsibility by saying I wanted to liaise with ah liang directly. What sort of customer-facing person would have such attitude and have the nerve to hang up on disgruntled customers when his guy did not turn up as scheduled on 3 different days. Then, refused to even confirm timing nor apologize and simply shrink all responsibility, like it’s not his problem. No apology, no explanation, simply hang up and tell you that he will only talk to you if you ‘talk to him properly’. I was seriously fuming mad. He’s a project coordinator, and did not even do his job and have the nerve to have such attitude.

It’s already bad enough to stand us up 2 days in a row, and another to not turn up when I had to ask my parents to help and waste their time like that. I called Ah liang up again, and luckily he had the basic manners to apologize and explain himself. Even the sub-contractor had better manners than the project coordinator from a huge ID firm. Having said that, our backsplash is not white as we requested, and the silicon was not done properly, there’re visible gaps/holes, probably a job done hurriedly.

Something is very wrong with this relative’s company. Apart from poor workmanship, extensive delays, everyone is complaining about the bad service and staff refusing to pick up calls nor account for anything after the contract is signed. The communication between customers’ specifications and sub-contractors or carpenters is non-existent resulting in wrong works everywhere. It’s honestly appalling and the most frustrating thing is their attitude – not apologetic and still arrogant and rude which makes everything unbearably frustrating. Bad reviews from disgruntled customers are spurting in the cyberspace and forums, and our experience was exactly similar despite being relatives.

I suppose that given the relative’s attitude and poor management, his employees are embolden to act the same way towards customers too. After going through this nightmare for the past 3 months, I really do not wish that anyone has to go through this. I see no merit in engaging their services, and no one part of our experience was even bearable nor acceptable. We had no choice but to appease the MIL, but everyone else have and can make the choice.

Nobody deserves such bad service and quality. Nobody!  

Day 106 - Tuesday

MIL sent us an email, saying that we 'resort to tactics' as we got the sinks to be installed not knowing that our solid top was not granite..she also claimed that our tiler should have done the granite as granite is cut by the same cutter..this is despite the fact that she made us choose them because 'she wants the best for us'..yet when it's apparent that workmanship was so poor with such bad attitudes and delays, we were blamed for being fussy and unreasonable among many other things.  I can't comprehend why, and this was my response:

(1) Right from the start, we wanted granite. We have included it in the contract, just so that things are clear and there will not be disputes as such later on. We have also communicated this through email, sms, face-to-face discussions and reconfirmed this with the carpenter, knowing that they were extremely prone to errors. We have done everything within our means to remind and reconfirm our requirements.

(2) I'm not sure where you get the information that tilers cut granite. Have you seen the cutter that tilers use? Have you seen how thick granite is? People choose granite because it's hard and scratch resistant. It is not possible to cut it using the tilers cutters. Which brings us back to the point that we only wanted one contractor to complete all works to avoid such issues. Anyone would agree that granite is part of carpentry and should be done by the carpenter side.

(3) As from point (1), everything was communicated right from the start. It's not reasonable to accuse us of ' resort to using tactics since we have made it very clear right from the start. If it was not possible, they should not have signed the contract and informed us during our discussions or communications. We did 'look out for one another' by relaying our requirements again and again throughout, by sending reminder emails and sms even though it should be something very straightforward.

(4) The only reason why we went ahead to fix taps and basins was because we did not know that it was solid top and not granite. We only suspected that ours was not granite when we visited our neighbor's house and realized that their black galaxy granite was so shiny with beautiful grains. It was then that we started getting neighbors and other contractors over to confirm that it was not granite before confronting Yuri and Uncle Simon.

(5) I do not know Binson personally, and neither would any of the other customers he liaises with. Anyone can appear to be jovial in front of their boss to protect his rice bowl. However, how does he handle his customers behind your backs is something which you do not get to experience first hand. Whatever it is, it is extremely rude to hang up on your customer and tell them rudely that 'If you want to talk to me, talk to me properly' and hang up yet again. I agree that things like this can happen, but customers are bound to be disgruntled when they wait for 3 different days and still nobody shows up. Backsplash was ready to be up a month ago. I had to get my parents to go down and wait to accommodate their time since I do not wish to drag
things any further. The least he could do was to apologize to a disgruntled customer instead of hanging up twice with such attitude and refusing to answer further calls nor confirm timing. Even the installer Ah Liang had the basic manners to apologize. It seems like such customer service is condoned and accepted. There is bound to be pressure especially when all their jobs are delayed and there are so many disgruntled customers. Does he do the same to other disgruntled customers when there are delays and issues? Is such a person suitable to be a project coordinator when things were not coordinated and he hangs up on customers instead of apologizing?

I agree and understand that everyone makes mistakes. However, the most important thing is to admit the mistake, accept the consequences, apologize and learn from them. We are not unreasonable people, yet it's really frustrating that we receive such treatment and getting the blame for the mistakes they have made. They initially admitted to the mistake and agreed to change it for us, but now you're saying that my contractor was supposed to do it?

I was asked if I thought that his company was shit and useless when we went down that day. My answer is simple - ask your customers and measure your own performance. How many customers are happy? How many jobs are completed on time? How many customers requirements were met? How many customers call to complain? If anyone refuse to see and admit the truth, nobody can make them.

It's pointless (and very disappointing) for us to continue insisting and trying prove what we wanted and end up having the tables turned and getting blamed for 'using tactics'. I will take it as a lesson learnt and move on, and I hope that we will not have to go to such situations again. 

Day 113

After several email correspondence between us and MIL/relative, they are still pushing the blame on the solid top (instead of granite). And it seems like MIL thinks I'm at fault for 'scolding' the Binson guy who coordinated our backsplash but did not show up on 3 different occasions.  It seems like this Binson guy has resigned.

Today, the backsplash guy Ah Liang called me and said that someone from relative company got him to arrange a time with me on this Saturday because my backsplash color was wrong and he will dismantle it to change. I arranged it at 3pm this Saturday.

Then, it seems like MIL will be coming down and she's saying that backsplash cannot be white unless crystal glass is used which costs more. According to her, backsplash guy will be coming to talk and she will iron things out with him - not change it as I've been told.

I've checked around and it seems possible if they use transparent glass and spray it white. They have all sorts of excuse for every mistake they make. If white was not possible, why didn't they tell us beforehand?! If it's not possible, we should have been informed and decide if we wanted to top up to have a white backsplash correct? 

Day 114

Called the backsplash guy just to confirm my understanding of what's going to happen on Saturday.  It was the guy doing measurement who answered instead of installer.  Installer simply said wrong color, coming to dismantle while this measurement guy said that they delivered according to that the relative ordered and it is greenish glass sprayed white. He will bring samples over and said that the pure white one which we requested for is more expensive. Honestly, I do not care since that was what we requested for and should be delivered as nothing was raised to us before.

The shocking thing is, the backsplash guy said that he will not be doing anything till the relative's company pays him.  He's a new supplier, and it's only his 3rd month working with them. He only got paid the first month and partially the second month. Afterwhich the relative went MIA. He had no choice but to visit his showroom and realize that many other customers and suppliers are also waiting for the relative who refused to picked up calls.  The whole world is looking for the relative and no supplier is willing to take up his jobs now. He will only come to let them know that he has delivered accordingly. I told him it's pointless showing me samples, since I will simply choose the white one like what I requested originally. It's pointless to come if he's not going to change it.

He also said that many other customers' homes were worse than mine, he kept getting scolded. Some asked him why is he here, they have called the police. Some showed him the bad workmanship saying that bangalas did everything and they weren't satisfied with any single piece of carpentry. Some of them started way before me, which is already more than 3 months. Basically, all jobs under them are screwed and he has went into hiding and simply not contactable. The binson guy is biting all the bullets while his boss refuses to answer calls. Perhaps that's why he was so rude and hung up on me, and the MIL/relative is so protective of him..

I can't be sure if everything he said was true, but there are indeed many complaints online and everyone is suffering from the same extended delays, poor workmanship, wrong specifications.

I still can't believe that MIL is still on his side and blaming us without admitting to any fault when things have come to this stage. It's obviously his problem when everyone is suffering the same problems while he point fingers at everyone else but himself.  The amazing thing is, it seems like he has changed a company name and moving his showroom.  Suing him is probably useless since there's only an empty shell left, but Singapore is so small, where can you hide?

Karma will find its way.  

If you have relatives like that, who needs enemies?

.::. Day 93 .::.

Today, we celebrate another little milestone in our journey. We had our first meal at our home. We sat down and finished the last 2 episode of Amazing Race on the sofa. We cleaned our home the first time together - he vacuumed while I mopped.  The home is almost ready now, and it really feels like home.

View from entrance.

View from kitchen.

Dining table with bench.

Living area.

View from corridor.

View from sofa.

Corridor.

MBR mattress (we haven't bought a bed frame). Surprisingly, we still have quite abit of space in the room!

The fridge came later in the day, and the shoe cabinet is not getting enough attention since my door is always open. I love the entrance's crystal light.

The kitchen looks like this now.

There's so much to be thankful for, so much to look forward to and so much to celebrate.

I'm thankful for such a great and loving husband, such nice neighbors (they got me a 'opening soon' and 'open' sign plus a door stopper for my 'cafe' and even drove me to grocery shopping and carried them up for me), really supportive parents who helped me moved stuff and waited for my deliveries while I was at work, amazing friends who will visit and bring my kitchenaid over tomorrow!

Really looking forward to afternoon tea with the girls tomorrow.  =)

.::. The MIL .::.

Every one of us have heard horror stories about MIL and how difficult it is to maintain a good relationship with your MIL.  Little did I expect that it will become one of the biggest problem in my life some day.  Afterall, I'm pretty easy-going and generally try to avoid conflicts as much as possible.  I always keep my distance and avoid people who I do not click with.  It keeps my inner-circle close and I only care about those who matters.

I've been having nightmares. Literally.  I dreamt that his uncle called me, and asked me to go down to see his mother.  Something terrible happened. And when I went there, his maternal family was there.  I can't remember the details, I only remembered that they tried really hard to convince me to convert to Christianity, and I chose to leave the husband.   I told the husband, I can't do this anymore, I wanted a divorce. I'm sorry. And if someday, things change, he can come back for me but I can't stay married to him and endure these from his family anymore. The sadness I felt was so intense, I felt so helpless.  I woke up in tears, it felt so real and I continued brawling for quite some time.  I was so very sad.

Do not do unto others what you do not want others do unto you.  The golden rule, and I believe it must be in the bible somewhere right?  I can't understand how these staunch evangelist can try so whole-heatedly to change others' religion at the expense of relationships around them and still think they are doing others a favour.  How would they feel if I kept trying to tell them that my god is real while theirs isn't?  How would they feel if I kept trying to convert them?  How do you have any relationship with someone who tries so hard to change your beliefs without knowing who you really are nor respect you as an individual with different beliefs?

It's a struggle trying to make sense of the dynamics of the MIL-DIL relationship.  When we just started dating 7 years ago, everything was great.  She invited me to come over often, told me how her son changed for the better after he got to know me, encouraged us to go dating more often.  Then somewhere along the way, things started to change.  We start to get questions like where are we going, why ain't we eating at home, and you start feeling the shift in attitude.

The worst part for me was knowing that she opposes to our marriage just because I was not a Christian.  It was so hurtful when she say things like we are too young when we were 26, it was too soon when we have dated for 7 years, that his father opposed to our marriage although he obviously said no such thing.  Did she think that she could convince her son to make me convert although it was communicated to her quite some time ago that I will not?  Or did she think that her son probably wouldn't end up marrying me despite our 7 year relationship?  Everything went downhill since then. I seemed to have become the enemy who has led her son astray.  I was going to hell while her precious son will go to heaven, and our kids will suffer because the bible says the world will end someday.  I guess I would be the one pushing my children to hell because I wouldn't bring them up as Christians? Can't she see or feel our love for each other throughout the years?  Can't she see how happy we are together?  Can't she realize how much anguish she is causing everyone?

It's extremely painful, knowing that you are not accepted and unworthy just because of your religion (or lack thereof).  Afterall, I have made the effort to attend every single family dinner or gathering the past 7 years without fail, turning up more often than his own sister and uncle.  I was the one who bought his family presents without fail every Christmas.  Surely all these count for something over the years?  I've came to realize that these doesn't mean much.

The husband once told me that it doesn't matter, because I'm marrying him, not his family.  And now, he says that I'm marrying into his family.  I guess there's no running away from these problems, and only very lucky girls end up with good husbands and good MILs.  Sometimes you get good MILs but horrible husbands, so I suppose that I'm getting the better deal.

I do worry about how these will evolve over the years, and both of us are struggling to handle these in our own ways.  We don't talk much about it, because both of us are hurting, and I know that he can only try this hard to appease everyone and fulfil his duties as a son and husband and still perform at work.  One woman is the one who gave birth to him, gave him life and brought him up, while the other is his chosen life partner, the one whom he loves and seeks to protect, and be the mother of his future children. I know that at the end of the day, the person who hurts most is the one both of us love.  I never doubted her good intentions, yet I wonder if she realizes how much anguish, frustration and pain she has inflicted on him. I guess I finally understood what he meant after going through all these with him.

As much as I believe that love never fails and can conquer many things, there are many moments of doubt and despair.  Despite all, there's still this blind faith that everything happens for a reason.  God must have the power to touch everyone, yet there must be a reason why there exists so many religions in the world.  Perhaps it's his way of reaching out to many more people, or a tool to teach people things like tolerance, respect and acceptance.  And there must be a reason why someone like me have so much blind faith despite not having a religion, and the Christian way is not the only way to live a happy and fulfilling life.

I will try all I can to make this work.  But I ever told him that there's a limit to everything, and I am up to my neck, so don't blame me when I retaliate. I can't and won't change myself, and there has to be a balance.  I do not have the capacity to love and be loving when I do not love myself enough.  And when the day comes when leaving him is less painful than staying married to him, it's gonna be a very difficult choice.

I pray that her god will let her see the light, let her see how her seemingly good intentions are inflicting so much pain to people around her, give her the capacity to love others even when they have different beliefs, give her the capacity to accept that god made everyone an individual instead of trying to change them into what she thinks is best, give her the wisdom to see the consequences of her actions and most importantly, to find happiness in life.

I know a few truly Christian friends, and one ever told me, love more, love them anyway.

And I will love, give all I have to be a good wife and create a happy family for the both of us and try to love this woman who gave me the best husband I can ever ask for.

Love more, and perhaps I will hurt less.  

After all, love never fails.  Right?

.::. 一哭二闹三上吊 .::.

Another lesson learnt today.

It's impossible to reason with unreasonable people.

And it amazes me how some people can be so deluded, so unreasonable.  You talk to them about A, they pull out B, C D, E, F.  The most unreasonable people always win, once they start crying, screaming and saying the most ridiculous things.

I have no idea how carpentry delay could end up with talk about god and heaven, about childhood hardship and hatred.  Having two 50-year-olds screaming and crying right in-front of you was too much drama and too much to bear.

Unreasonable people always wins, because people with reason would always step back and give in to them.  But they win at the expense of the relationships with the people around them.

I guess there are just some people who will live their whole life not finding happiness.

I don't hate people like that.  In fact, I don't spend any part of my life hating people.  Life's too short for that.

I pity them.  I truly do.

At the end of the day, the big guy would make judgement wouldn't he?  I suppose everything happens for a reason, and everyone will reap what they sow.

.::. Dinner with Grandma .::.

Had dinner with his family at East Coast Park's Jumbo last weekend.  It was his mother's birthday.  I like it there.



Jumbo.



Here's grandma.  She's already like 90.



And a closer view.  She loves sea cucumber and crab.  You see her eyes lighting up when you tell her that we're going to have that.



And here's the super huge crab.  I only eat the pincers.  *yums!

.::. Reunion Dinner .::.

I had 2 reunion dinners on Chinese New Year eve this year, one at 6pm and one at 8pm.

Although the husband would like me to join his reunion dinner, I insisted on going for my own reunion dinner.  It's probably the last year which I could actually insist after all, and I didn't really want my family to have our reunion dinner on another day just because of me.  It ended up that the timing was possible for me to make it to both!



Mummy and the sisters.

How can you have reunion dinners without Yusheng?

Second round at the Overseas Restaurant.  The food was pretty good, the roasted pork is famous.

Looks like the kid are having fun among themselves.

As much as eating out on reunion dinner is the norm nowadays, don't you miss those good old days when  families cook a feast and gather together?

Nothing beats good-old home-cooked food, especially during such festive days.  My grandmother used to really put in effort to cook many sumptuous dishes on during such festive seasons and all of us would squeeze in the tiny kitchen and eat around a charcoal steamboat.

Chinese New Year is getting less interesting these years.  I remembered making all kinds of CNY goodies with my aunts and grandmother from young.  We would spend hours and many weekends in the kitchen, kneading dough, mixing flour and even making egg rolls one by one from scratch.  You'll have to quickly roll it when it's very hot, otherwise it'll harden once it's cools.  It was hard work, but good fun and made up a huge part of my childhood memories.

As such traditions die off, I wonder what would my kids remember of Chinese New Year in future?  Simply another day when you eat in a restaurant and call pizza/Mac delivery because no shops are open?