.::.Relationships.::.

Some days, I wonder if ‘happily ever after’ really exists or rather, what are the chances that a relationship can achieve ‘happily ever after’.  How many couples are still happy together after a few decades together?

Looking at many older couples around me, I’m a tad sad to observe that many of them don’t seem to be happy together.  Many seem to stay together for convenience or simply to ‘have a complete family’ among many other ridiculous reasons that may include money.  Many of them do not even sleep together in the same room or bed anymore.  Many can’t stand each other, some don’t talk, some scream at each other often, some put each other down constantly.  Why I wonder?  Why?  How do they live like that?  How can they be happy?

I look at older couples put each other down, from saying hurtful things like ‘You are so fat!’ or ‘You are so uncivilized!’ loudly in public places and infront of their children.  It’s painful to watch, even more painful to not be able to say anything because they are our elders and it’s supposedly rude to speak up against them.  It goes against all my principles to bite my tongue and pretend I don’t notice instead. But it makes me sad, to keep quiet and pretend not to notice.  When you do not speak up against bad behavior, you are actually condoning it and encouraging it.  Yet, for the betterment of everyone (or so I believe for now), I felt like I had to keep quiet and look away.  Knowing myself, I’m not sure how long I can stay silenmt and pretend not to notice nor speak up against such terrible behavior!  I don’t think I can stand being around such negative energy.

How can people be so mean I sometimes wonder?  I'm appalled that even very religious people can be very mean and difficult, despite spending all that time on the teachings that are supposed to make them a better person.  

One simply need a strong moral compass to know what’s right (and wrong) and how to spare a thought for others.

And a mental note to myself, I hope that I will never scream at the husband like that and put him down.  I hope that regardless what happens, we can always be kind to each other and never have to hurt each other with unnecessary words.  I hope that we will never put each other down especially NOT infront of our children. I hope that we can be good role models that our children can look up to and respect.  

Nobody should say such things to others, regardless the circumstances!  Period.

.::. Back to the Grind .::.

It has been a blurry month or two recently.  Ever since the mad rush for quarter-end closing before our Aussie holiday, to the budgeting period once I got back.  Then I fell sick for a good 10 days.  Gosh, the things we take for granted.  You know what’s the happiest things that can happen daily?  It’s having a good night’s sleep and good food for me. I’d be beaming if I had these 2 any day.  No day can actually be bad with these 2 things!

It must have been a very long time since I’m this sick.  After 3 doctor visits, 2 course of antibiotics, at least 1kg of honey, 10 pears with almond drink, 1.5L of Almond Fig soup, I’m finally on the road to recovery.  It’s no joke coughing your lungs out daily, not being able to sleep and totally tire out by coughing itself.  The horrors. 

After so many days of rest, I’m finally back up, starting to exercise again and to tick of some to-do list in preparation for the year-end.

On a side note, Australia was bae, totally exceeded my expectations.  Surprisingly, everyone we met were nice and friendly.  The nature and landscape they have (without overcrowding) was amazing.  I finally see why so many wish to migrate to Australia, even I would consider moving for the weather, nature and fresh food!  We had so much fun this trip, and I think it reignited the wanderlust that has been dormant in me for some time.

Already looking forward to concluding this year and planning the year ahead! =)

.::. Things I'm Thankful For .::.

As we grow older and start working, life inevitably revolves around work and seemingly endless to-do lists.  Most of us spend most of our weekday at work, and all we have left is a few hours of free-time to do things that really matters.  Many don't even have that few hours and it's easy to lose sight of what is truly important and be thankful for what we have.  It's easier to complain than to be thankful.

Personally, I’m most thankful to have the husband and being in a healthy, happy relationship minus all the drama and ambiguity that some struggle with.  Perhaps because of this, it has made it much easier for me to be positive, at peace and happy every single day.  But it's also perhaps we are happy and thankful for each other that we have a healthy and happy relationship.  

On a daily basis, I’m thankful that there are so many simple things that make me happy:

-          I’m happy when I wake up after a good night’s sleep, especially during the rainy, cooling nights.
-          I’m happy when I see the husband in deep sleep or preparing for work when I open my eyes
-          I’m happy when I see Chikey and his wagging tail
-          I’m happy that I am healthy and have a job
-          I’m happy that I don’t dislike my job and it helps me to fulfill all my other goals
-          I’m happy when I get my coffee and fill my tummy with yummy food
-          I’m happy when I think of what to eat next
-          I’m happy when I get to knock-off work on-time
-          I’m happy when I can cook a home-cooked meal for us
-          I’m happy when Chikey snuggles up to me
-          I’m happy when I go for my music lessons and spend time on my piano/violin
-          I’m happy even when I do my music theory homework!
-          I’m happy when I teach tuition, knowing that my kids adore me and I have made an impact on their lives
-          I’m happy when I try new recipes and cook yummy food
-          I’m happy when I go to the gym, being able to go and strengthen myself
-          I’m happy when I do grocery shopping and grab some good deals
-          I’m happy when I get to meet my friends and hear updates from them
-          I’m happy when I do housework and make my home a better place
-          I’m happy when I pick the husband up from work
-          I’m happy when I have enough to give back to the community
-          I’m happy when I can travel and experience all the beauty in the world
-          I’m happy when I see beautiful sunsets
-          I’m happy when it rains and the weather becomes cooling
-          I’m happy when it’s sunny and there’s clear blue skies

The list can go on forever, because I'm always happy about all these little things.  I think the husband has an easy job, because I’m really easy to please.  Just buy me some yummy food and I would be smiling like I won the lottery. I think we are very similar in this aspect, that we both dislike drama and negativity, just like things simple and to be happy.  Being happy makes it easier to face the other challenges and negativity that sometimes seep into life, although I try consciously to distance myself from negativity.  I really don’t quite understand why some people spend their life complaining and being unhappy, or choosing to see all the bad in their lives!  It’s never about circumstances, it’s always about your own thoughts.

Being alive, healthy and able is itself such a blessing – if only everyone could think this and be happily thankful.

.::. Cra-cray Days .::.

Some days, my schedule goes like this:

0700 Get out of bed
0830 - 1730 Work
1800 - 1845 Piano Lesson
1915 - 2000 Violin Lesson
2030 - 2300 Conference Calls
0000 Bedtime!

Thursdays are always crazy, but Thursday is almost Friday so it's okay (it rhythms!).

Today was exceptionally crazy, because it's quarter-end closing week and yesterday was a public holiday.  Losing one day on quarter-close week is bad timing.  I hope I don't have to work till midnight like the last quarter!  It's going to be a long day tomorrow.  I'm in between calls now, and tired.

Weekdays are mostly crazy, and fulfilling.  I teach tuition on 2 other days and often have conference calls at night.  I always have Friday nights free, and usually another weekday night free.  Some days I rush back to cook and food-prep the day before, other days I use the slow cooker to cook soup.

Life's cra-cray, but good.  Weekends are always gym and mini-holidays around our little island.  It gives me immense pleasure when my tuitee who got 17 marks last year and failed all his tests improve to a good 57 marks the last exams.  My tuitee adores me and sometimes I threaten to 'quit' if he doesn't work hard.  It makes me feel great that I'm making a difference to someone's life.  Work pays the bills and helps me to be financially free, but it really helps when the company has values that align with your own and we get to give back to the community often.  Violin and piano is challenging, I wished I had more time, but the progress I make gives me a huge sense of achievement.  I'm nearer to my goals everyday and most importantly, I'm happy.

Happy with everything.

Time for next call!

.::. My Love .::.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I have been wanting to write about love, about my love, yet love is such a difficult concept to describe so lets just leave it at that. Has it been almost 11 years?

.::. Productive Years .::.

I was reading this article on Bloomberg sometime back. It says that the first 10 years of one’s career would determine the amount of wealth one can make. It makes sense doesn’t it? If you start with a low salary, increment will be slow and people always benchmark your pay based on your last drawn pay. Some may get promoted quickly with some luck, but the odds are against the majority of us. Basically, what it says is that after 35, chances of your pay increasing significantly is very low. This corresponds with the well-known fact that it becomes a lot harder to find another job after you hit 40s. Of course there are always exceptions and outliners, but this probably holds true for majority of us normal people. 

This has triggered a string of thoughts, with the backdrop of across-the-industry job cuts in O&G where I’m currently in. The struggle is real. It can be very unsettling and uncomfortable seeing people you see everyday disappear just like that. We get immediate dismissal here. Get called into a meeting, and someone will inform you that you’re dismissed with immediate effect and you are not even allowed to go back to your desk to pack your stuff or bid your team goodbye. HR and your manager will pack your things for you and escort you out. That’s it, the people you see everyday will just become a memory. People disappear, leave without saying goodbye and come to work not knowing if today will be their last day at work. It doesn't help that they don't do it all at once, and news simply keep coming from everywhere, all the time.

It makes me very sad, though life goes on and people move on. Afterall, a job isn’t everything and losing a job isn’t the end of the world, for most of us anyway. Looking at these unfolding makes me even more wary and determined to work towards financial freedom. Despite being able to survive for easily a year without a job, I really don’t appreciate any setbacks to my retirement plans. I’m most afraid of increasing monthly fixed expenses. As it is now, daily household expenses and insurance comes up to quite a tidy sum of fixed expenses. I can’t imagine how things will become with kids and I can’t understand how people cope with a home with car and maid plus kids. If fixed expenses come up to a few grand a month, how does one save and how long can they survive if they lose their jobs?

It’s so easy to project an increase in salary over the years and correspondingly upgrade your lifestyle. What people don’t seem to take into account into the whole equation is the increasing risk of losing a job as one ages. One may earn more when they are 40s and in a managerial role, but also has a higher risk of losing the job when there’s a downturn and find it harder to find a similar-paid job. Even for civil servants with relatively secured jobs or professionals with specialized skill, one mistake or accident and they may lose their jobs.

Some people tell me not to plan or worry, live a day as it comes. Really? I can’t. I need to work towards my goals to feel secure and fulfilled. I know what it feels like to not have enough money and worry about the next paycheck. It’s not something that I would like to go through again this lifetime. I want to know that I can have the option of not spending my time working for money when I am in my 40s and can instead choose to do something I love with my time, regardless of how much I make. I can imagine spending my time teaching and volunteering, spending time with children and animals, playing music and doing yoga.

I can’t imagine how people could say that they want to continue working for corporations and do not want to retire. It may be great if one really love the job so much, but what I see alot is fear, that they do not know what to do with their free time and themselves. They’ve become so used to the routine of work-life and letting work dictate most of what they do with their time (and life) till they have forgotten how it feels like to spend time doing what they really want or like. Maybe they have forgotten what they wanted and it’s easier to continue a routine without having to give much thought to it.

I always talk about retiring, and people are always shell-shocked and ask what am I going to do? Oh my, there are so many possibilities! These are the same people who tell me that they have ‘no time’ to learn a new instrument that they have always wanted, no time to cook for their families because they have ‘no time’.

For now, I can continue dreaming and work towards the day when I can finally be free to do whatever my heart desires.

.::. Remembering LKY .::.

It has been the talk of the town and seen an amazing outpouring of love for a man who built Singapore. It was really heart-warming to see a divided Singapore coming together during such times. Despite divided political inclinations, I believe most of us Singaporeans see and appreciate what this man has given us.  I do have mixed feelings though. From the love and pride for Singapore, I feel sad that a great man who has built Singapore have left. Part of me feel lost and somewhat worried about Singapore’s future, but another part of me is looking forward to changes that could make Singapore a better place. Perhaps more compassionate and less economically driven by productivity, less like a corporate and more like a family or a place where people feel it’s home. We are no doubt very lucky, but in many ways I wished that we could have done more for our people, especially those who were left behind as we chugged forward.

Revisiting LKY’s life, there’s so much to learn from this man. No man is perfect, but I believe that he has done his best given the circumstances and there’s so much to learn from him.

1.       Love and monogamy

I think this is absolutely underrated in today’s society that places much focus on success at the workplace and amount of wealth. A good and loving marriage is seldom in the spotlight as life’s successes. Moreover, most capable and high-profile people usually crave for power and attention with resultantly common extra-marital affairs and scandals. The love he shared with his wife is so precious. If you ask me, life wouldn’t be in vain as long as one have loved and was loved deeply. Anyone who’s capable of such love over a lifetime can’t be that bad a person.

2.       Determination and faith

This man dedicated his life to building Singapore. His determination and faith is imprinted all over Singapore and how we have evolved over the past 50 years. Simply looking at Singapore today speaks volumes about his determination and faith as we defy everyone’s expectations to become one of the richest country despite having zero natural resources.

3.       Consistency

He is known for being consistent in everything he did. His days were a routine revolving around work, family and exercise. Despite his heavy workload, he always had time for exercise and family, keeping a healthy work-life balance. When asked about his secret to longevity, he said to exercise and eat less but healthily. He was constantly improving himself and keeping himself updated with everything that was going on. Anyone can have goals and many have great ides, yet how many could persist and consistently work towards what they believed in?

4.       Frugality

His frugal ways are extinct in today’s generation. Just look at our elitist MPs who drives cars which are worth more than HDB flats and indulge in all the luxury that you can think of. Many of our leaders today are born with a golden spoon in their mouth and had a very smooth journey in life. How can they really understand how is life really like for the less-privileged in Singapore? Many of them have private sector careers and worry more about how they look rather than focusing on serving the people. LKY was a man who wore the same clothes for years till they had holes and never cared for luxury items. If you were like him, all you think of is probably how to improve things or to tweak plans for Singapore as you take in the developments in the world daily. There will be no time for luxury or fashion! This was a man who truly understood the people then and set out to meet the peoples’ basic needs, building a country where people can be safe, with means to bring up families in a comfortable home in a clean and green city. If Singaporeans were as frugal as him, there really wouldn’t be much complaints. If we did not expect to go on holidays, do not expect much shopping and luxury items, had home-cooked food and took the public transport – how many of us will still struggle to survive and own a HDB? Even kids staying in rental flats have iPhones these days!

5.       Opinionated

He was a man who stood for his beliefs and spent his life defending them. He had very strong opinions and arguments, he always made his points and was able to substantiate his opinions. He never deviated and had something to say to rebut what others’ had to say. He had such clear thoughts that are so closely weaved together. I remember reading his book as a teenager and his thoughts were enlightening although I might not always agree and wouldn’t be so sure that it’s a good idea to be so forthright about it. He is always so pragmatic. What he said about the cost of sustaining an old person despite available technology and the dwindling fertility of women after 35 left a mark on me. He always looked at the big picture. While it’s true that these are individual choices and freedom, but the issues and cost to society as a whole is real. I also agreed with his thoughts about human genes and his view on religion. I love that he insisted to be correct, not politically correct.

We can all argue and point out his high-handed ways that might have destroyed some people and families. But perhaps that is makes him a true leader, because he made those hard decisions and stood so firm, resulting in the birth of Singapore which has benefited so many of us. It also made him human, for it’s not possible to please everyone no matter how great you may be. 

Maybe one can argue that we are so economically driven and competitive that makes Singaporeans are a stressful and unhappy lot. I believe that one’s happiness is a choice and we are not forced to stay here. If somewhere else suits you better, you can always leave for greener pastures. But keep in mind that Singapore is an amazing place to live in and one of the most efficient countries in the world. After visiting more than 30 countries and spending a year in Europe, I still love Singapore and probably wouldn’t want to leave. We can also choose to be more frugal, have lower expectations, consume less and have a less stressful life. Instead, most of us choose to slog for a bigger apartment, a better car, luxury goods and holidays. These are not needs but wants, and how can we blame a man who has fulfilled all our basic needs so well that we are complaining about not having enough wants fulfilled?

The man is no more. While I’m very thankful and grateful for all that Singapore is, I think we need change. It might be a necessity to push everyone so hard then, but now that we are already a developed country, I wish to see a more compassionate Singapore and more policies to support it. It’s all great if we compare ourselves in the region, but when compared against developed countries, we are lagging behind in many areas and there’s so much to learn from other developed countries. My wish for Singapore is to become a developed country with happy people. It may probably take another lifetime for policies to be put in place and people to change their mindset about success and happiness.

.::. Home Sweet Home .::.

The last few months simply flew by. We have been too busy living life, enjoying our freedom and couple-hood.

Both of us have been traveling quite abit and missing each other all the time. I don't exactly mean it that way. It's just that he usually flies out on Saturday when I'm flying in on Sunday! And so we miss each other and go 2 weeks without seeing each other. I have been to Shanghai, Hanoi and Seoul the past few months, and the husband has been to China and Italy for work trips too. I really enjoyed all my trips this year, every single one of them. Hanoi with the husband was so much fun!

We have finally collected our new dining chairs from Crate and Barrel. Those 2 year-old ones from Taobao ain't of that good quality and not very comfortable. We have been chair-hunting on and off the past year, but the husband has an atas butt that can't seem to find a comfortable and nice-looking chair that is also affordable. Everytime a chair catches my attention and pass the look test, the husband has to do a sit test. Most of them fail the sit test, apart from a few that cost like $800 each. We finally settled for these.

It was supposed to take 3 months to indent and arrive in Singapore in October. But since we have been traveling and couldn't find the receipt, we waited and waited for the call that never came. We had to call  Crate and Barrel, only to realize that the chair is already there. Pretty bad customer service for such a brand!

Home looks like this now. I love how the chairs fit into the whole place, and they are pretty comfortable chairs!

The thing about home is that no matter where you go, you will always be back and thankful for a place you can call home.

Feeling all warm and blessed these days, in a very peaceful and thankful state-of-mind. =)

.::. When September Ends .::.

These 2 months have been really crazy. Where did all the time go?

I have been in a contented state of mind this whole year, very thankful that everything is on track. Most of my goals for the year have been achieved. Some goals that I have set for myself when I just graduated has been achieved 2 years ahead of schedule. In no time, we will be stepping into the last quarter of the year.

The husband still remains the core of my life. I guess people really mean it when they say 'your other half', because he has already become literally the other half of me. I feel very thankful for love, for sharing others' love and being part of people's journey. So much love going around these days!

This last quarter I'm looking forward to our travel plans and celebrating our 10th Anniversary. *gasp* Yes, it's been 10 years since we started dating. It hasn't always been a smooth journey and looking back, we have been through so much together that I'm thankful for the state of contentment and stability now.

There's lots to be done these few weeks and October will be packed.  So many photos to share, but let's leave it till next time.

I'm ending September with deprivation of sleep and overflowing love for my loved ones. Totally looking forward to the last quarter! Bring it on!  =)