.::. Moving On .::.

Moving on is hard. Those darkest moments still haunt me.  I acknowledge them and try to work with the dread and negativity that envelops me now and then. You would think that time can dull the pain and make things better, but sometimes the wound is just held together and waiting to burst apart again.  It doesn't help that the wound is constantly tugged at.  

One can forgive, but trying to forget might take a lifetime of effort. Two people who can have some sort of relationship has to be based on basic respect and communication, otherwise it'll just be dreadful.

Would you constantly tell a vegetarian how delicious meat is and that they should eat it?  You wouldn't if you respect their beliefs and want to build a relationship with them right?  Doesn't matter if you truly think that meat tastes good and just want to share what you believe is good.

So now, why is it alright for a Christian to constantly evangelize and talk about God this and that and ask you to pray to God all the time?  Would one still do that if they truly respect another's religion and their beliefs and is serious about building a relationship?  My stomach turns, hands go cold and heartbeat hastens whenever the evangelizing starts, and I truly don't understand why it's so difficult to you know, leave me alone, stop trying to evangelize like a persistent salesman.  It's truly dreadful to go through this again and again, not being able to escape.  And it's impossible to have a proper conversation, much less a proper relationship with someone who takes every chance to evangelize and bring God into the picture.

Enough is enough. 

“To heal a wound, you need to stop touching it.”

I want and need to move on.

.::. Jaime's Birth Story .::.

Jaime was delivered after a traumatic 15-hour labor that almost ended up with an emergency cesarean.  Despite expecting Jaime to make her appearance before her expected date of delivery, she ended up baking past her due date.  I have been having the so-called braxton hicks contractions often since Week 37/38.  There were times when I thought "that was it" but the contractions always subsided after a good warm bath, and I always manage to fall back asleep.

Week 38

I'm thankful to have 2 weeks of rest before delivery though as i started maternity leave from Week 38.  Work was getting really busy and I was getting extremely tired towards the end.  I spent my rest days sleeping in, napping and reading alot, trying to prepare myself mentally.  I met with my September Mummy friends for high-tea and buffet on weekdays, in anticipation for our big days.  Weekends were spent with the husband, enjoying the last days of just the two of us, preparing for Jaime's arrival.

Here's Jaime's room, the massage area in my study and the cosy corner in our room where I will spend many sleepless nights:



How did I grow so much?



Calm before the storm.  Peaceful nights like that would be hard to come by soon.



Week 39

At my 39w2d gynae appointment, I made the decision to do an induction on 40w1d if Jaime was still not out by then.  Despite being aware that induction increases the chance of an emergency cesarean and usually results in a longer labor, I thought that Jaime might as well share the same birthday as her father instead of waiting indefinitely. Our gynae is very pro-natural and finally did a cervix check since I've decided on induction. Thankfully, it was painless though uncomfortable.  I was already 2-3cm dilated and the cervix was quite thin then. He was happy to schedule the induction for next week, but warned that baby may come sooner than that.

Nothing happened that week though, and the husband was on leave a day before my induction.  Actually everything was somewhat a blur. We did the last minute preparations and I think I had everything I wanted to eat, did most of what I wanted to do.  I had a long bath and prepared to check-in at midnight.

Celebrating the husband's birthday 3rd September in advance, because there's no knowing when I'll deliver:







Sending my sister off to her one-year exchange in Tokyo.  She won't be able to see Jaime as a baby!



Those quiet afternoons with Chikey:



40 weeks and nearing the end of my pregnancy journey:



Jaime's nursery finally done up the day I'm due to be induced:



A photo right before we left for the hospital:



The Delivery

We arrived at Mount Alvernia's delivery ward at 1230am and was ushered to Delivery Room 6 to change into the hospital robe before being hooked on CTG.  The husband went downstairs to register me (although we've pre-registered) and took a good long hour before coming.  They finally checked my dilation again and inserted the pill for induction at 230am.  I asked for the birthing ball since hospital confirmed that it's available for us by email.  However, they told me that the ball was not usable because the air wasn't enough! I had to send the husband back to grab my ball!  By 4am, I finally felt the first contractions in my lower abdomen.  At 530am, the contractions became more frequent every 3-5 minutes, but was bearable as I bounced on the ball.  The contractions were pretty unbearable while lying on the bed, but so much better on the ball.

My gyane finally came at 10am and broke my waterbag when I was about 4cm dilated.  Warm water flowed out uncontrollably.  It was then that things got real.  He said that there was meconium in my amniotic fluid, but we can still try for vaginal delivery as babies don't usually inhale while in the tummy, unless distressed.  He did mention that most doctors will usually do an emergency cesarean when they notice meconium, but medically, the chances of inhalation is very low.  I have done enough reading to know what was at stake and the consequences, but was comfortable with the doctor's advice since I wanted to avoid a cesarean as much as possible.  The contractions came in strong and frequent right after my waterbag burst.  I can barely concentrate as the doctor continued talking.  He briefed us about pain management and using laughing gas, and also said that he expected me to deliver in the evening, a good 8-10 hours more.

Barely half an hour after my waterbag burst, the contractions were really getting unbearable.  The thought of having to go through this for a full day and a possibility of a cesarean made me decide to go for epidural.  I didn't want to be on GA if I had to have a cesarean and being in so much pain for hours on end was unimaginable.  I saw the look of concern when I asked the husband to get me an epidural, because he knew that I was hoping to go without.  I was adamant though, and he went to request for it.

My anesthetist took awhile to come and he had shaking hands that I noticed even when I was in great pain.  Thankfully, the administration was painless and over in barely 10 minutes or so and I didn't feel my contractions anymore.  I was still able to move my legs and fell asleep right after.  When I was awake, I started crying, because I was worried about the meconium and was afraid that something may happen to Jaime.  The husband must have felt very helpless seeing me in that state and that was the start of my emotional roller coaster that lasted for days.

At 3pm, the nurse came to check and I was 7cm dilated, but baby was still quite high.  By 4pm, my gynae was here and I was already more than 9cm dilated and expected to start pushing in an hour as baby descends.  I started pushing at 5.40pm, and it was hard work.  No matter how hard I tried to push, Jaime didn't seem to be moving down despite ample clearance.  I was so thankful that I had epidural, because everytime I pushed, the nurse helped to stretch my cervix with her fingers quite forcefully.  Luckily I didn't feel anything, but I could anticipate the soreness after.

After an hour of pushing, Jaime's heartbeat was getting irregular and our gynae was saying that I may need a cesarean if she still doesn't come out soon.  I seriously pushed with all my might with every contraction while the doctor prepared forceps and gave me some pitocin to increase contraction strength.  Jaime was finally out at 7pm sharp and she spluttered instead of wailing.  They placed her on my lower tummy when she was out, and I remembered being scared because I felt her weight on me but she wasn't wailing like how babies are supposed to.

The pediatrician was already in the room when Jaime was out and quickly placed her on the heating area and gave her a thorough check.  I was in despair as she was taken away and the husband didn't even get to cut the umbilical cord as meconium particles were noticed upon delivery.  I looked on as my gynae helped to deliver my placenta by gently applying pressure to my lower abdomen.  He started sewing me up and took almost 45 minutes as I suffered 4th degree tears.  I couldn't feel the pain but can feel the stitches, and thought that I'm going to have a tough time recovering.  Jaime was found to have a cleft palate, and she was heaving heavily.  She had to be sent to NICU right after a quick photo with me (with the oxygen tube right near her nose).  Lying there helpless was really one of the worst thing that could happen as everything I envisioned did not materialize.

The husband had to leave the delivery ward to do the admission for Jaime.  By the time he's back, I was crying uncontrollably again.  All the fear and pain was overwhelming, and I was worried sick.  It was really upsetting that I didn't get any skin-to-skin nor managed to breastfeed Jaime upon delivery like I envisioned. The husband also didn't get to cut her cord nor did we get any time together in the delivery ward for bonding.  I was feeling absolutely torn and spent by then, but still insisted that they keep dinner for me (hah!).  The nurses was hesitant to serve me dinner although my gynae gave the green light.  I insisted multiple times before they agreed to keep my dinner for me to eat later on.  They were worried that I may regurgitate after food, but I was so hungry after going without food for 24 hours.  I didn't even vomit since epidural was administered, only the laughing gas made me puke.

Jaime's first photo:



The first time I held Jaime:



Our first family photo:



Our parents came the first night, although I was totally not in the mood for visitors to see me in that state.  It was almost 9pm by the time I got into my ward and I finally had dinner.  I was totally spent and fell asleep right after the husband left.  It was the first of few night that I feel asleep in tears, those were the dark days.

Jaime's first night all alone in NICU.  To think I wanted to room-in with her after delivery.



By 3am the first night, I was famished again.  I pressed the call bell for some milo, and the nurse came in asking if I'm done feeding baby - that triggered my tears again, because there was no baby.  I couldn't feed my baby, I haven't even taken a good look at her nor cuddled her.  The thought itself was overwhelmingly upsetting.  The epidural has worn off by now and I was in pain.  I was so thankful that the catheter was still in me as I can't imagine getting off bed nor touching down there.  Even shifting my weight on the bed was painful and the nurses came to help change my pad and clean me up - very humiliating but necessary. I simply lay there in pain and the painkillers made me very drowsy and weak.

The gynae and PD came in the morning.  Luckily the gynae took off my IV drip and kept my catheter for another day as my tear and inflammation was quite bad.  Jaime was breathing better but they put her on antibiotics drip just in case as there seemed to be some particles in her lungs.  The husband came shortly and knew how much I wanted to see Jaime.  He actually got a wheelchair to push me to the NICU as they helped me get out of bed with my pee bag gingerly.  It was excruciating seeing her hooked up in tubes. The nurses didn't let me carry her fearing that her IV needle may need to be reinserted.  No mother would want to see her newborn in that state and not being able to carry nor feed her nor be with her right after delivery.

Jaime was breathing normally and off the oxygen hood the following day:



And my happy baby can still smile:



The lactation consultant came that day, and taught me how to squeeze colostrum for syringe collection.  It hurt, but it gave me something to do for Jaime and I squeezed relentlessly that few days (and nights) and sent the little syringes up to the NICU.

The first few days were terrible.  I was so emotional and felt terrible whenever I hear babies crying.  Many things became triggers for my tears to flow.   I cried myself to sleep everynight and some nurses told me they understood, to try not to cry.  Some nurses saw my swollen eyes and was concerned if it was caused by drug allergies.  There was once when my mum came and said things like latching my baby would help my uterus to shrink quickly - as if I didn't want to if I could!  And pumping/hand-expressing was supposed to help shrink the uterus too.  Then I totally lost it when she asked if I had enough breastmilk to store - it was the second day after delivery and I was struggling to squeeze barely few ml of colostrum, and here she was asking if I had enough to store.  I started brawling again after she left, and the poor husband was at a loss again.  He kept telling me Jaime was fine, but it was everything that I couldn't do and all the worries that was overwhelming for me.  He was totally perfect and I knew there were many times when he held it in to be strong for me, for us.

My pillar of strength:



Thankfully, the dark days got better day-by-day.  I slowly stopped crying as I focus on providing more breastmilk to feed Jaime.  Then I got out of bed on the 3rd day and went to see her daily.  They finally allowed me to carry her and feed her, and she would be discharged after 5 days of antibiotics drip.

My first syringe of colostrum on the second day.  The husband sent the syringe up to the NICU and took a photo of it saying 'good job'.  On hindsight, this was quite pathetic but that 2 words meant so much then.



The second time I held her, the night before I was discharged.  We sent up a syringe of colostrum and the nurse finally let me carry her.



My first pump after being discharged at home:



Feeding her at the NICU:



My angel:



Finally bringing Jaime home:



A family photo for the record:



Jaime's first photo at home =)



Things could have been worst as there's really no knowing what could go wrong.  I'm thankful that Jaime's safe and healthy, although having to send her for surgery at such a young age pains me greatly.  I'm still not sure how I can go through that.  We've come such a long way, from trying to conceive to finally getting pregnant and delivering her safely.  There's still a long way to go and there's no doubt that we will try our best to be parents to Jaime.

The most difficult thing is not handling a newborn, it's having to handle all the comments and advice that everyone feels inclined to give.  Everyone wants to have a say about what and how you do things, right down to what you ate and what you should not do.  Eeryone thinks they know better and that you should follow what they say.  Of course, everyone has good intentions, but it's really tiring.  The hardest thing about motherhood is having to accept help because you can't do everything by yourself, and there are things that you have to compromise on.

From all of these, what my gynae said truly hit home.  We were obviously concerned about what causes cleft palate and if there's any way to avoid or detect it the next pregnancy.  He said that there's nothing we can do to avoid it, and detecting it may be difficult since it's deep within the mouth and not picked up by even tests like Harmony/Panorama.  Also, since cleft palate babies are perfectly healthy and could even live normally without surgery, what could we do if we knew earlier?  Nobody in the right mind would terminate the pregnancy just because of a cleft palate.  He also said that we wouldn't know for sure how things will turn out for our children till the very end.  Some babies are born with certain congenital diseases but go on to live perfectly normal lives, yet some are born perfectly healthy with issues coming up later on in life.  Unless we choose not to have children, otherwise, these are things that we have to face and live with.

Here's to parenthood and a lifetime of worries~

.::. We are expecting .::.

It has been some time, but we are happy to announce that we’re (finally) pregnant.  In the past 5 years, people have been dropping comments and let’s say that Chinese New Year is not my favorite occasion.  No, I don’t enjoy seeing those not-so-close relatives who relentlessly comment about your weight and how I should already have children.  Worst is when you've your husband's side relatives asking your mum why her daughter doesn't want to have children!

We wanted to wait initially, since we married young (by today’s standards) and had little savings after our wedding and house.  We always knew that we wanted children, it was a matter of when or how.  We spent the first year recovering financially, clearing all our interest-free debts from electrical appliances and building up our savings.  By the second and third year, we had healthy finances and travelled quite a bit.

By the time I’m 29, almost 4 years after our wedding, we were ready to get off contraception and start 
trying.  In the past few years, I went for yearly fertility check-ups in preparation, in case I had any fertility issues or cysts that had to be removed. Well, I suppose many people would expect it to just happen like that, but it doesn’t for many.  First few months off contraception, I was full of anticipation and faced disappointment month-after-month.  Then half a year went by, I started seeing a famous TCM at Clementi.  It wasn't cheap and cost me more than 300 bucks a month; but the worst part was the wait at the crowded clinic, the acupuncture and needles with the daily Chinese medicine to drink.  It came in sachets, and I had to empty like 20 packets in a cup before drinking it with warm water.  I also had to take my basal temperature every morning and pee on an ovulation stick daily a week after my period.  I kept at it for 6 months or so, but the doctor started urging the husband to do a fertility check instead, since he couldn’t find anything wrong with me.  It was a struggle in many sense. It was stressful, from pee-ing on ovulation kits to recording your temperature everyday plus the cocktail of supplements and Chinese medicine I took daily. I struggled to stay on in my previous job, hoping to conceive and quit after giving birth (to find a new job).  I also stopped planning travels ‘because I might be pregnant’. 

A year went by just like that, though the husband was traveling a lot that year, always at the worst time.  Even his re-service doesn't fail to fall on dates when I'm fertile.  The plan was to have my first child at 30!  After a year of trying, which is the time most ‘normal people’ conceive, the husband finally agreed to go or a checkup.  To our relief or perhaps not, he was generally fine although mobility was on the low side.  We were officially classified under ‘unexplained fertility’ and were asked to continue trying for awhile more before considering seeking additional help.

I read extensively, combed forums, read about others’ experience and did everything I could.  I cooked healthy homecooked meals, drank herbal soups and bazhen soup every month, exercised regularly.  It was frustrating, because my period came every month like clock-work.  I bought the most sophisticated ovulation kits and my ovulation and temperatures were totally predictable.  I even had excel spreadsheets and apps to analyze everything.  More than a year after trying, I finally switched jobs since well, I can't keep waiting to be pregnant forever.  Then we stopped trying for a few months in between to avoid pregnancy during probation.

Another 6 months went by and we still had no news although everyone seemed to be having babies.  Some months were difficult, I grieved when I saw red.  I wondered why this was so difficult when we have such a solid relationship and would have been great parents.  We had our own place, a car, good jobs, strong financials; I didn’t quite comprehend what was wrong.  Having said that, these waves of emotions came and went since I’m mostly happy and refuse to wallow in negativity.  I truly believed that the right things will happen at the right time.  I focused on doing things I love, picked up the violin and started travelling again.  I more or less ‘gave up’ and was planning to consider IUI sometime after Chinese New Year.

Then it happened.  

During our 12th anniversary/5th wedding anniversary trip to Langkawi, almost 2 years since we started trying for a baby. It was one of those quarter-end closing weeks, I had bad cramps for the whole week and felt really hungry.  It was unusual, because I seldom have cramps, especially when it lasted for days and there was no blood.  The backaches and sore boobs came in, and the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was strange.  I resisted the temptation to test, fearing another disappointment.  I was hoping to hold on to the weekend, 
till I my period was few days late.  

I ended up testing on Friday morning and again on Saturday morning before I told the husband.  I actually wrote him a card the night before, intending to break the news the following morning if the test kit confirms it again!  I was obviously excited and re-tested again with the first pee.  He was sleeping soundly till I had to wake him up and make him read the card.  In his half-asleep state, his only visible 
reaction was looking touched with wet eyes – not sure if it’s from sleep. Hah.

Me being the planner, have already made my first gynae appointment right after I tested positive on Friday.  We had to go the weekend before Chinese New Year since it’ll be 2 more weeks if we miss that weekend.  Unfortunately, he had to make a work-trip urgently and might come back right before CNY.  This means that I have to go to the first appointment myself, good or bad, he’ll either miss hearing the heartbeats the first time or not be with me if the pregnancy was not viable.  Moreover, it was also my birthday weekend and I was supposed to cook reunion dinner for my whole family.  Anyhow, I was pretty upset that week. =(

Thankfully, he did make it back for the first appointment.  I’m relieved, partly because I’ve had a very 
easy 6 over weeks.  I eat normally, did not have any nausea nor food aversion, didn’t felt that tired and didn’t feel much different apart from sore boobs and frequent urination (these toilet runs are real).

By this point, it was official.  Life as I know it, is over.  

.::.Unconditional Love.::.

When one loves unconditionally without expecting anything in return, love overflows from within and amazing things happen.

.::.Relationships.::.

Some days, I wonder if ‘happily ever after’ really exists or rather, what are the chances that a relationship can achieve ‘happily ever after’.  How many couples are still happy together after a few decades together?

Looking at many older couples around me, I’m a tad sad to observe that many of them don’t seem to be happy together.  Many seem to stay together for convenience or simply to ‘have a complete family’ among many other ridiculous reasons that may include money.  Many of them do not even sleep together in the same room or bed anymore.  Many can’t stand each other, some don’t talk, some scream at each other often, some put each other down constantly.  Why I wonder?  Why?  How do they live like that?  How can they be happy?

I look at older couples put each other down, from saying hurtful things like ‘You are so fat!’ or ‘You are so uncivilized!’ loudly in public places and infront of their children.  It’s painful to watch, even more painful to not be able to say anything because they are our elders and it’s supposedly rude to speak up against them.  It goes against all my principles to bite my tongue and pretend I don’t notice instead. But it makes me sad, to keep quiet and pretend not to notice.  When you do not speak up against bad behavior, you are actually condoning it and encouraging it.  Yet, for the betterment of everyone (or so I believe for now), I felt like I had to keep quiet and look away.  Knowing myself, I’m not sure how long I can stay silenmt and pretend not to notice nor speak up against such terrible behavior!  I don’t think I can stand being around such negative energy.

How can people be so mean I sometimes wonder?  I'm appalled that even very religious people can be very mean and difficult, despite spending all that time on the teachings that are supposed to make them a better person.  

One simply need a strong moral compass to know what’s right (and wrong) and how to spare a thought for others.

And a mental note to myself, I hope that I will never scream at the husband like that and put him down.  I hope that regardless what happens, we can always be kind to each other and never have to hurt each other with unnecessary words.  I hope that we will never put each other down especially NOT infront of our children. I hope that we can be good role models that our children can look up to and respect.  

Nobody should say such things to others, regardless the circumstances!  Period.

.::. Things I'm Thankful For .::.

As we grow older and start working, life inevitably revolves around work and seemingly endless to-do lists.  Most of us spend most of our weekday at work, and all we have left is a few hours of free-time to do things that really matters.  Many don't even have that few hours and it's easy to lose sight of what is truly important and be thankful for what we have.  It's easier to complain than to be thankful.

Personally, I’m most thankful to have the husband and being in a healthy, happy relationship minus all the drama and ambiguity that some struggle with.  Perhaps because of this, it has made it much easier for me to be positive, at peace and happy every single day.  But it's also perhaps we are happy and thankful for each other that we have a healthy and happy relationship.  

On a daily basis, I’m thankful that there are so many simple things that make me happy:

-          I’m happy when I wake up after a good night’s sleep, especially during the rainy, cooling nights.
-          I’m happy when I see the husband in deep sleep or preparing for work when I open my eyes
-          I’m happy when I see Chikey and his wagging tail
-          I’m happy that I am healthy and have a job
-          I’m happy that I don’t dislike my job and it helps me to fulfill all my other goals
-          I’m happy when I get my coffee and fill my tummy with yummy food
-          I’m happy when I think of what to eat next
-          I’m happy when I get to knock-off work on-time
-          I’m happy when I can cook a home-cooked meal for us
-          I’m happy when Chikey snuggles up to me
-          I’m happy when I go for my music lessons and spend time on my piano/violin
-          I’m happy even when I do my music theory homework!
-          I’m happy when I teach tuition, knowing that my kids adore me and I have made an impact on their lives
-          I’m happy when I try new recipes and cook yummy food
-          I’m happy when I go to the gym, being able to go and strengthen myself
-          I’m happy when I do grocery shopping and grab some good deals
-          I’m happy when I get to meet my friends and hear updates from them
-          I’m happy when I do housework and make my home a better place
-          I’m happy when I pick the husband up from work
-          I’m happy when I have enough to give back to the community
-          I’m happy when I can travel and experience all the beauty in the world
-          I’m happy when I see beautiful sunsets
-          I’m happy when it rains and the weather becomes cooling
-          I’m happy when it’s sunny and there’s clear blue skies

The list can go on forever, because I'm always happy about all these little things.  I think the husband has an easy job, because I’m really easy to please.  Just buy me some yummy food and I would be smiling like I won the lottery. I think we are very similar in this aspect, that we both dislike drama and negativity, just like things simple and to be happy.  Being happy makes it easier to face the other challenges and negativity that sometimes seep into life, although I try consciously to distance myself from negativity.  I really don’t quite understand why some people spend their life complaining and being unhappy, or choosing to see all the bad in their lives!  It’s never about circumstances, it’s always about your own thoughts.

Being alive, healthy and able is itself such a blessing – if only everyone could think this and be happily thankful.

.::. My Angel .::.

Quarter-ends are especially bad, I've been working late the whole week AND keeping up on all my tuitions and music classes. Sometimes, I wonder how I do it too, maybe it's good training before kids come along.

So today, I'm slogging at work and about to rush to tuition when the husband called. He finished work early and was about to reach home. He picked me up from work, had a quick dinner with me near my tuition place and gave me the car keys so I could drive home while he took a bus home. *awww* My heart melted a little and swelled with love, feeling really thankful. Thank you darling. Thank you for being so thoughtful when I really needed it.

We could have had dinner near my office and I send him home before driving to tuition, but I was too tired to handle driving and rushing then.

He's probably the most unromantic man who's also an angel. It's these little thoughtful gestures that make me so very thankful for him. 

I'm pretty much brain-dead by now, but some moments are worth writing down and remembering - so I can remember all the good when he drives me nuts. =P

.::. My Love .::.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I have been wanting to write about love, about my love, yet love is such a difficult concept to describe so lets just leave it at that. Has it been almost 11 years?

.::. Insurance .::.

This struck home recently as a close one suffered from a sudden heart-attack at barely 40 years-old. Due to proximity and criticality, she was admitted to a private hospital nearest the workplace. Few days and an operation later, the hospital bill came to a 6-digit figure. She’s still in the ICU, and it’s still a long journey ahead. With just the basic MediSave without additional cover, it covers a very small fraction of total cost. It’s really a stressful period as the family have to cope emotionally and financially.

Just this year, we finally sat down to do some financial planning for the family. For years now, since before marriage, I have been trying to get the husband to examine his insurance policies and coverage. Being financially trained, I see the importance of insurance and financial planning early in life, as soon as possible. The husband has been someone who does not like to handle stuff like that. His policies were bought by his parents and he was always told that he ‘has everything’ and is covered, no need for more insurance. This dragged on for years as he was reluctant to take any action.

Finally, we looked through his policies this year as I was also looking to increase my coverage. He has a hospitalization plan that does not cover the deductible portion plus a cap for total claim amount and an NTUC plan that covers a grand total of $25K. Needless to say, I was horrified and insisted on getting him covered. The $25K coverage will not even cover his funeral expenses, I morbidly exclaimed.

My advice to all working adults is to get full hospitalization cover as soon as possible. I’m the ‘buy term and invest the rest’ type, and also have (early) critical illness coverage - 不怕死，只是怕不死。(loosely translated as ‘not afraid of death, only afraid that one do not die’). Any illness or accident can potentially wipe out decades of savings with unimaginable financial and emotional stress for the family.

My dad is someone who does not believe in insurance and always complained about the profits made by insurance companies. He also thinks that it’s ‘expensive’ since insurance companies have the right to increase the premiums anytime during the coverage. However, when premiums increase, it usually reflects the increase in healthcare cost. He also thinks that Medisave ‘is enough’ and he does not mind being treated in public hospitals. However, I beg to differ and have come across so many instances where Medisave is grossly inadequate and that public hospitals might not give the best or even ‘sufficient’ care when you need it most.

I will always remember the sight when we visited his grandmother at Changi Hospital. It was a 6 or 8 bedded non-aircon ward with no full walls across the whole level. ‘Rooms’ were separated by chest-level walls, and you can look across the whole level and hear everything. There were many old people, some in worse condition than others. Many were groaning in pain or perhaps trying to talk. It was a very disturbing sight that never fail to haunt me. I hate hospitals. I have also been to many public hospitals, and the nurses were curt and sometimes rude and lack patience and compassion. Doctors were often trainees who does not seem to be very sure of what they are doing. I have also heard of many horror stories and bad experiences around me. Compare that with a private hospital - the whole environment, doctors and nurses are really a world apart. It really hit me that you get what you pay for. If I ever need the hospital and critical care, I really would want a comfortable environment and not have to worry about bills.

Of course, the best insurance is always taking good care of one’s health with regular exercise and a balanced diet. Go for regular checkups and listen to your body. However, one really wouldn’t know when sickness may hit, especially with longevity. Get insured before anything happens and you become uninsurable. I’m very thankful to have met a really great insurance agent who gives me constant updates and informs me whenever he’s out of town. I am also invested in healthcare stocks and funds, which I believe is a growing yet resilient industry.

Health is wealth and nothing is more important than one’s health! While physical health is the focus here, mental health is also something one should be mindful of.

If you are not covered by insurance yet, please do your family a favor and consider getting covered.

.::. Remembering LKY .::.

It has been the talk of the town and seen an amazing outpouring of love for a man who built Singapore. It was really heart-warming to see a divided Singapore coming together during such times. Despite divided political inclinations, I believe most of us Singaporeans see and appreciate what this man has given us.  I do have mixed feelings though. From the love and pride for Singapore, I feel sad that a great man who has built Singapore have left. Part of me feel lost and somewhat worried about Singapore’s future, but another part of me is looking forward to changes that could make Singapore a better place. Perhaps more compassionate and less economically driven by productivity, less like a corporate and more like a family or a place where people feel it’s home. We are no doubt very lucky, but in many ways I wished that we could have done more for our people, especially those who were left behind as we chugged forward.

Revisiting LKY’s life, there’s so much to learn from this man. No man is perfect, but I believe that he has done his best given the circumstances and there’s so much to learn from him.

1.       Love and monogamy

I think this is absolutely underrated in today’s society that places much focus on success at the workplace and amount of wealth. A good and loving marriage is seldom in the spotlight as life’s successes. Moreover, most capable and high-profile people usually crave for power and attention with resultantly common extra-marital affairs and scandals. The love he shared with his wife is so precious. If you ask me, life wouldn’t be in vain as long as one have loved and was loved deeply. Anyone who’s capable of such love over a lifetime can’t be that bad a person.

2.       Determination and faith

This man dedicated his life to building Singapore. His determination and faith is imprinted all over Singapore and how we have evolved over the past 50 years. Simply looking at Singapore today speaks volumes about his determination and faith as we defy everyone’s expectations to become one of the richest country despite having zero natural resources.

3.       Consistency

He is known for being consistent in everything he did. His days were a routine revolving around work, family and exercise. Despite his heavy workload, he always had time for exercise and family, keeping a healthy work-life balance. When asked about his secret to longevity, he said to exercise and eat less but healthily. He was constantly improving himself and keeping himself updated with everything that was going on. Anyone can have goals and many have great ides, yet how many could persist and consistently work towards what they believed in?

4.       Frugality

His frugal ways are extinct in today’s generation. Just look at our elitist MPs who drives cars which are worth more than HDB flats and indulge in all the luxury that you can think of. Many of our leaders today are born with a golden spoon in their mouth and had a very smooth journey in life. How can they really understand how is life really like for the less-privileged in Singapore? Many of them have private sector careers and worry more about how they look rather than focusing on serving the people. LKY was a man who wore the same clothes for years till they had holes and never cared for luxury items. If you were like him, all you think of is probably how to improve things or to tweak plans for Singapore as you take in the developments in the world daily. There will be no time for luxury or fashion! This was a man who truly understood the people then and set out to meet the peoples’ basic needs, building a country where people can be safe, with means to bring up families in a comfortable home in a clean and green city. If Singaporeans were as frugal as him, there really wouldn’t be much complaints. If we did not expect to go on holidays, do not expect much shopping and luxury items, had home-cooked food and took the public transport – how many of us will still struggle to survive and own a HDB? Even kids staying in rental flats have iPhones these days!

5.       Opinionated

He was a man who stood for his beliefs and spent his life defending them. He had very strong opinions and arguments, he always made his points and was able to substantiate his opinions. He never deviated and had something to say to rebut what others’ had to say. He had such clear thoughts that are so closely weaved together. I remember reading his book as a teenager and his thoughts were enlightening although I might not always agree and wouldn’t be so sure that it’s a good idea to be so forthright about it. He is always so pragmatic. What he said about the cost of sustaining an old person despite available technology and the dwindling fertility of women after 35 left a mark on me. He always looked at the big picture. While it’s true that these are individual choices and freedom, but the issues and cost to society as a whole is real. I also agreed with his thoughts about human genes and his view on religion. I love that he insisted to be correct, not politically correct.

We can all argue and point out his high-handed ways that might have destroyed some people and families. But perhaps that is makes him a true leader, because he made those hard decisions and stood so firm, resulting in the birth of Singapore which has benefited so many of us. It also made him human, for it’s not possible to please everyone no matter how great you may be. 

Maybe one can argue that we are so economically driven and competitive that makes Singaporeans are a stressful and unhappy lot. I believe that one’s happiness is a choice and we are not forced to stay here. If somewhere else suits you better, you can always leave for greener pastures. But keep in mind that Singapore is an amazing place to live in and one of the most efficient countries in the world. After visiting more than 30 countries and spending a year in Europe, I still love Singapore and probably wouldn’t want to leave. We can also choose to be more frugal, have lower expectations, consume less and have a less stressful life. Instead, most of us choose to slog for a bigger apartment, a better car, luxury goods and holidays. These are not needs but wants, and how can we blame a man who has fulfilled all our basic needs so well that we are complaining about not having enough wants fulfilled?

The man is no more. While I’m very thankful and grateful for all that Singapore is, I think we need change. It might be a necessity to push everyone so hard then, but now that we are already a developed country, I wish to see a more compassionate Singapore and more policies to support it. It’s all great if we compare ourselves in the region, but when compared against developed countries, we are lagging behind in many areas and there’s so much to learn from other developed countries. My wish for Singapore is to become a developed country with happy people. It may probably take another lifetime for policies to be put in place and people to change their mindset about success and happiness.

.::. Home Alone .::.

This week, the husband is traveling. Again. He has been traveling pretty often, but this time feels abit more unbearable. I usually love having the time to myself and pack my week with activities like meeting up with my friends or going to the gym, or getting my hair done or simply go window shopping and have dinner by myself. But this week, I'm preparing for my exams and days feel so long when they are sleep-work-study on repeat mode. Doesn't help that work has been busy, I have been stressed-up, exams are next week and it's almost that time of the month soon.

This is one of the rare cold weeks that I feel somewhat lonely and long for a warm body to hug in bed. No, Chikey who has been snuggling up to me these days don't count!

Can't wait for exams to end (hopefully forever!) and the husband to be back soon! #fighting

.::. Jan's Ark .::.

I suppose many have heard of the story ‘Noah’s Ark’ – it’s probably my favorite biblical story and the very few that I actually connect with.  In short, it’s a story about how Noah built an ark to save his family and animals from a big flood that he believed would come. It has been used in a few movies, and what I really liked about it was how Noah put in all his heart to prepare for a potential challenge. He simply strengthened his ship and kept working on it, just so he can be prepared and ready when the storm comes.

I find inspiration and connect with his determination to be prepared for future challenges. It’s the human factor that inspires me more than the ‘God’ part of the story. I believe that if we are constantly strengthening ourselves and preparing ourselves for future challenges, we will be able to manage any difficulties that come our way. A solid ground work will always be a good base to fall back on when things get tough. Sometimes this simply mean a conscious effort to be positive, to have visions and plans, or to work on mental and physical strength.

Approaching the 10^th year of my relationship with the husband, I have the same thoughts about our relationship. It’s like throughout the 10 years, we have been building our ark, strengthening it bit by bit. With every storm we weather, we may lose some parts of our ark and emerge embattled – but we always continue working on it, repairing it and fortifying it. The first few years might have been challenging when we only had a little sampan that broke all the time while we hung on to it to keep afloat. Thankfully, after many years of hard work, we now have a strong and fortified ark that hopefully could bring us through all the challenges and storms in life. All’s calm now, but it sure feels like there might be storms ahead and every little thing we could do to strengthen our ark now would bring us a long way.

Jan’s ark is ready and strengthening! Bring it on! =)

.::. His 29th, Our 10th .::.

We celebrated the husband's birthday few weeks back. It's his 29th birthday and the 10th year we're celebrating it together. The husband is a very simple (and very kind) man who always put others before himself and never asks for anything. He always says that he already have everything and isn't that sort who will boast about his knowledge or flaunt what he has. He's mostly quiet, but one will only get to know him if they bother trying to make conversation and wait for him to warm up. He's the most loyal person I know and you can definitely trust him with secrets and know that he will never tell a single soul.  He's nice, very nice in fact, but don't mess with him, he will fight back if you cross his limits. Sometimes, he amazes me and I love him a little more everyday. I think that despite our differences, we have a lot in common when it comes to our views about life. That's my amazing husband whom I adore.

I always struggle to think of what to get him, although I know that having me by his side is probably all he asks for and the best thing I could give. =P 10 years ago, we started going out and I still remember getting him a Levis' short-sleeved shirt for his 19th birthday that he still wears today. That's the extent of his thriftiness - he never shops and I buy him most of his clothes, and even shoes.

This year, we celebrated his birthday at NOX. It was a great experience dining in complete darkness and not knowing what you are eating. It's also a very expensive experience that is probably not worth another visit. We could have gotten very good steak at a fancy restaurant with that price.

Having said that, I was pretty excited to try NOX and the husband was somewhat taken aback when he realized that we were dining in the dark. I like that they have put in a lot of thought into the whole experience, and all the food were served in small portions which is slightly warm but definitely not hot enough to scald you. The waiting area was also dim, so that you can adjust your eyes to and from the complete darkness. I didn't quite like the atas service that I found pretty impersonal and even somewhat snobbish although polite. The visually-impaired who served us in the dark were very well-trained though. We did manage to guess most of the food correctly though we totally did not expect pig's tongue! And me who have been abstaining from foie gras had it in the dark. The husband took a lot longer that normal to eat in the dark and the whole dinner took us 2 hours for 12 small portions - 4 starters, 4 main course and 4 desserts. It really makes me cherish my sight and we both decided that our sight is probably the most important as compared to hearing and other disabilities.

We did enjoy the whole experience though, and most importantly, the company!

Here's a picture of us this year, and obviously there's no other picture because we dined in the dark. This tiny birthday cake cost me $20 by the way (I didn't dare tell him that). Morton's serves their warm chocolate cake free if you're celebrating your birthday there!

And here's the most important person in my life whom I'm going to annoy for the rest of my life. May you be blessed with an abundance of happiness, laughter and love. Stay happy, stay grounded, stay true.

It's the people who think that they have everything and want nothing who really knows happiness.

Happy Birthday my dearest.

.::. It's the little things .::.

Few weeks back, we celebrated Edward's one-year-old birthday with our friend. Edward's a really big baby and he was running around the whole place the entire afternoon. Looking at how quickly the children grow up around us makes me acutely aware of how time passes us by.

Here's a picture of Edward enjoying his snack.

The point is, I wanted to remember this day.

I love attending my friends' children's birthday parties and weddings, mostly because it's where you get to meet your friends and catch up. The few that meet often are people whom I really care about. I was intending to spend the evening chatting with these people till the husband suddenly said that he needed to go to town 'to collect something'. It sounds very fishy, because well, the husband does not buy much. And what do you buy that needs you to collect from town by 8pm?

I kept asking him about it but he stood his ground. The husband is good with secrets like that. He secretly enjoys being able to fool an unsuspecting wife who would keep guessing and hounding him. He never lets any clue out though. After awhile, it became apparent that we were going to Marina Bay Sands. He refused to admit it till we were there. Putting all the pieces together, I proudly guessed that he was bringing me to watch the fireworks. He, as usual, smiled and refused to divulge anything. Well, many people were at MBS trying to catch the national day rehearsal fireworks, and it was around 8pm too! Makes sense right?

Apparently not. I was happily rushing with the hoards of people, thinking that we're trying to get up to street level for a good spot before the fireworks starts. Before I knew it, I was pulled into the MBS theatre!

He was bringing me to watch the 'Sound of Music'! As usual, he manages to pull off another surprise with an unsuspecting wife. You should see the proud smirk on his face, sometimes teasing how 'dumb' I can be. We laugh at each other that way, but I was overflowing with love yet again.

I didn't even know 'Sound of Music' was on! We enjoy musicals, and my favorite is still 'Wicked'. But then again, 'Sound of Music' holds a special place in my heart because I used to watch the movie again and again on tape as a child. It was also why I always wanted to visit Innsbruck and the mountains in Austria.

I get really happy about these small things. It's these little things that make me feel exceptionally blessed and loved. *thankful*

.::. Retirement Planning – Start Now! .::.

I suppose many of us would have our own vision of retirement, and it’s eventually something which we would like to be able to do someday. It does seem to be increasingly difficult in Singapore as the years go by with the relentless increase in prices. People always find it incredulous when I say I’d like to retire soon – but that soon is probably a good 10 – 15 years away and it takes years of planning, saving and investing to eventually get there. My definition of retirement is being able to sustain a comfortable standard of living and being able to do what I like, whenever I like it. I don’t see myself needing much, spending my time on exercising, cooking and picking up some hobbies. I see myself volunteering, perhaps in animal shelters or working with less privilege children, maybe teaching and helping to set up schools in remote areas. I might set up a small online retail business, perhaps DIY some stuff and learn sewing. The husband and I have a private joke – that we will work in MacDonald’s together for some extra income and free food after retirement. Imagining us both old and in Macdonald’s uniform always puts a smile on my face.

Having said that, the current projection is to be financially free when we are around 45 – 50 years-old. It’s when our mortgage is fully paid and when our future children become almost fully independent. And of course, without kids in the picture, we can probably shave 10 years off the number. Perhaps it’s my financial background or perhaps it’s how my family has embedded the importance of money and savings since I was a child – I committed to my first regular savings plan when I was 21. It was an ILP which I have terminated this year, and I was lucky to make 1% p.a. despite the high fees throughout the 8 years. I was lucky to buy units very cheaply during the financial crisis that covered the hefty ILP fees. ILPs are definitely not the best way to grow your money, but without that, I wouldn’t have saved that 5-figure sum that was left untouched throughout the years. I also started a 15-year endowment plan when I was 25 for forced savings, and it matures when I’m 40. Many people started earlier, but many people have not started too. All too often, we hear complaints about how things are expensive and how retirement is but a dream – but these people need to understand that retirement requires years of planning and saving, sometimes making some sacrifices today for tomorrow’s freedom. What’s the point of complaining but not trying to find a way around it?

While I come from a middle-income family, my parents started out poor and have been thrifty all along. I started working at 15, during the June school holidays. A friend referred me for a job at Republic Plaza’s Coffee Bean. I worked for about a year there, part-time during school time. When my peers hung out at malls after school, I made coffee and cleared tables till late. It wasn’t that common around me, because most of my peers came from good families with ample pocket money to spend while my dad has always been very stingy with my pocket money. I hated asking for money, having to justify for why I needed it. I hated being dependent and not able to make my own decisions. I worked till I was 16, when I spent the last few months concentrating on my O’Levels. After O’Levels, I intended to take the Polytechnic route, and started working at DFS in the airport as a cashier at the Liquor and Tobacco shops. Money was pretty good and every single receipt keyed-in earned us an additional 5 cents in addition to our hourly pay. I ended up in Junior College, and worked every school holidays and sometimes during weekends for road shows selling things like Singtel/SPH subscriptions. I took up whatever odd jobs that the agency offered, mostly sales. I started teaching tuition after JC, throughout my university years. When I took up my first job upon graduation, my starting pay was lower than what I earned from part-time tuition during tertiary days. It was a big deal, because I charged barely $20/hr and my student base grew through word-of-mouth. Money was good, because they formed their own groups. Most of the days, I taught for 6 hours a day, back-to-back as they came to my place. Although I’ve wanted to stop teaching as it’s really tiring to teach 2 hours after work, I’m still teaching a few students now, for interest and some extra pocket money. Teaching has always given me the most satisfaction among all my ‘jobs’.

My parents would think that I’m a spendthrift, although I have always saved a large part of my income before spending. I’ve indeed spent a lot of what I earned on CDs and gadgets during my teenage years, and I’ve spent quite abit traveling around the world in the past few years. I guess there has to be a balance, in trying to save up but still being able to experience as many things as possible in life. Every penny spent on traveling has been worth it, as it has opened my eyes and changed me in incredible ways. The husband and I have also created many memorable travel experiences and developed together as a couple. We have always traveled quite frugally, never spending much on accommodation and food. I often wonder when can I travel Europe and enjoy their beautiful hotels and restaurants instead of backpacking and staying in hostels. We did have many unforgettable adventures with our backpacks though, and those memories are priceless. Now, we have also made the conscious decision to delay the purchase of a car and save as much as possible these few years before kids come along and expenditure rises. We can probably afford a car comfortably now, but that would also mean at least $12,000 a year lost in savings. I put aside more than half of my income nowadays, transferred to different accounts to prevent myself from seeing it and spending it. It makes me feel perpetually ‘poor’ and I sometimes delay my purchases till the next paycheck. This helps to rein in my expenditure.

Most people start their retirement planning too late and underestimate the power of compounding interest. What you choose to save instead of spend today will have far-reaching effects in the years to come. There’s also a big difference between saving up first before having children and having children first before saving up! People don’t get it why we want to delay having kids and see no difference in the expenditure now or two years down the road. I beg to differ!

I have started my own portfolio of investments late last year, and would expect to make about 12% return this year through dividends and capital gains. To illustrate the power of compounding interest with a very simplistic illustration, assuming 10% p.a. compounded interest: If A were to save $12,000 a year for 10 years between ages 25 and 34, but stop saving after expenditure rises when kids come along, he will end up with $966,663 when he is 50. Compare that to B who starts saving $12,000 a year from age 35 till 50, he will have $474,536. Although B saved more than A, B has about half of what A has at age 50. Moreover, A doesn’t even save anything between ages 35 and 50!  If the portfolio generates 6% dividends, a $1 million portfolio would have about $60,000 p.a. income, and that would be sufficient for a decent retirement lifestyle without even liquidating anything.

Of course, there are many variables throughout the years and cynics will have many reasons why this wouldn’t work. Some may even complain how difficult it is to even survive in Singapore, let alone save. Circumstances do change, but that doesn’t mean that plans should not be in place to react accordingly. As a matter of fact, it was worked for many regular working-class people, and some of them have shared their knowledge freely. For most, it’s not that difficult to save $1,000 a month when you have very little commitments in your twenties. It can be your bonus and AWS with a few hundred every month. Even if you save less, you will get there eventually with consistency throughout the years. Some may say that a 10% return is neither guaranteed nor achievable, but there are many books that one can read to improve their financial literacy to help you achieve that. Singapore shares represented by STI have generated a 8.8% total annual return for the past 10 years, not taking into account dividends. There are many Singapore companies which have given out a consistent dividend payout of around 5% the past many years. With a long time-horizon and taking advantage of market downturns, it really isn’t that difficult.

The good thing about such planning is that anyone can do it. You don’t need to come from a rich family or have a huge capital to start. It’s possible for any regular working adult who is willing to save a couple of hundreds a month, every month, for a good 10 years. It becomes increasingly difficult to have a good job beyond a certain age and our employment income faces an increasing risk as we age. You don’t want to be 50 and have to work till 60 or even 70 because you do not have enough to retire.

I do hope that Singaporeans would become more financially savvy and start planning their finances early in life. Investing is not the same as gambling. Singaporeans are very lucky to have no tax for capital gain and dividends received, and investing is a very good way to accumulate and preserve your wealth without letting inflation erode it. Hopefully, I will be able to impart my financial literacy to my future kids and help them have a head-start in life.

And maybe, someone might be inspired to start their own retirement planning. =)

.::. The Getaway .::.

We went for a short trip a few months back during one of the long weekends. It was our first trip of a very busy year and a trip that I absolutely do not want to do anything.

I have never been a beach vacation kind of person. I don't exactly like being in the sun and bum around all day. It just wasn't me, until recently. Maybe it's a sign of aging, or maybe I'm simply too tired that I really looked forward to not doing anything for a few days.

We flew AirAsia from Changi to Kuala Trengganu. There was a slight delay of the flight, other than that no complaints. We took a taxi to the jetty where we took the public ferry to Taaras, previously known as Berjaya. There are direct flights to Redang from Singapore, but they do not fly daily. We were somewhat worried by the bad reviews we read online - there were strikes, very horrible food and some bad service complaints. And when I emailed them to check things out, I got an auto-reply saying that internet was down till further notice! They were already really bad when I was asking about private transfers and ferries, it was so frustrating but I assumed that it was a language issue - certainly not a good impression!

We went ahead anyway, because of the beautiful beaches. While waiting for the afternoon ferry (because the hotel did not have private transfer), we took a slow walk to their Chinatown and market, buying a huge bag of mangoes for $4! We counted and there were 13 mangoes - RM$10/kg. They were all ripe and sweet. We were stuffed with mangoes the next few nights till I swore of mangoes for a long time.

Thankfully, the hotel did pick us up from the jetty (some people waited for hours). We were in awe of the beautiful beach upon arrival. They checked us in promptly, asking about our departure and said that they would prepare a breakfast box for us since we were leaving very early in the morning.

We didn't have much time before it turned dark, and we spent the evening lazing on the beach chairs and checking out activities tomorrow. To our disappointment, ALL the activities such as island hopping and seeing the sunrise weren't available because there was a minimum amount of people needed and nobody wanted that. We could only do the snorkeling trip.

We didn't have an underwater camera, but here's one of the views.

The snorkeling trip wasn't cheap at like around SGD$60 per person for half a day trip. It was badly organized really, with insufficient vans to pick everyone to the jetty. They simply dropped us there and we stood around waiting, not knowing what was going on. Then, after like 30 minutes of waiting we were ushered to the speed boat with 13 of us squeezed on it. A french woman was so upset about it, though we were totally chill. I'm too determined to enjoy my holiday anyhow.

The service was bad - they spoke zero english and didn't even tell us how many stops there were or when should we go down or how long will we stay there. The snorkeling was amazing though, way better than Tioman and both of us enjoyed it.

By the time we were back to the hotel and showered for our late lunch, it was already late afternoon. We spent the afternoon on the beach with me reading a funny novel while he fell asleep. Absolutely blissful.

From where I was lying.

Absolutely stunning beach!

The second day, we slept in and spent another day on the beach. The husband stayed there while I went for a facial and massage at the spa.

I really enjoyed the me-time and spending a few days just doing nothing.

By the way, the food was quite bad and the service was hit and miss. We confirmed our breakfast box during checkout the night before, but they said that there wen't informed (though they did during check-in). They said that they would arrange it, but we didn't have any breakfast boxes the next day! I insisted that we did ask for it, they eventually did prepare it for us but many other guests weren't aware. Internet was also pretty bad, and only available near the reception area. Food was really pretty bad and I would bring some cup noodles if I go back again.

The room was nice and comfortable, though it's pretty expensive. There's not much activities really - the karaoke room wasn't open and the games room had carom without the thing to shoot. There's only a small souvenir shop that's open in the day with a few Pringles chips and nothing but the resort actually. We would have brought some snacks and chips if we knew.

We had to go home after 2 days on the beautiful beach. Really reluctant to, though the bad food made it easier to leave.

It's amazing how we still feel the same way about each other after 10 years.  Always thankful to have him on this journey.