I still think of my days in Sweden a lot. Sometimes, it’s involuntary, and flashes of memories would appear in my mind. Sometimes, I revisit my memories, just like watching an old movie again. It doesn’t feel like it’s been 3 years, and yes, those were one of my happiest memories.
What I missed most was perhaps feeling so carefree. It wasn’t something Singaporeans experienced often.
A normal day would be getting up in the morning, make an omelet for breakfast, getting ready for school with my packed lunch before making my way to school. I did not stay in Lund where the school was, but stayed in the third largest city in Sweden and about 20 minutes train-ride away. Buses and trains weren’t packed, people were polite and minded their own business, there were seats on buses and trains. I usually had lunch with my course mates, all of us heating up our lunch boxes and making free hot tea. Some days we head to the library or work on our presentations, other days I head to the gym and supermarket.
Nights usually ended early unless it was one of those dinner nights at Emma’s and Anny’s in Lund. I tried to head home early, because the evenings were nights in Singapore and the husband (then boyfriend) would be online waiting for me. Both of us had webcams but we would on the webcam and not talk, but type instead. He thinks it’s strange talking into a computer. He would carry Chinook and let me see him and we would update each other on what’s happening or I’d show him my home-cooked dinner.
During days when there weren’t lessons, I woke up late, made breakfast and would walk to the beach. I loved those walks. It was always breezy with people jogging, men pushing prams. Everyone had their own piece of beach and it was a picture of calm and quietness. On the way back, I will visit the supermarket for good deals. I was very thrifty and only bought the cheapest stuff, just because I’d rather spend whatever money I had on traveling. I bought meats that were on sale and freeze them and actually, whatever that was on sale.
Once a week, usually on Saturday, I would visit the Asian market. They sold white mushrooms and broccoli, white cabbage, red/green peppers cheaply. Sometimes, a big plastic bag of white button mushrooms cost me $2 and I would eat it for a whole week. Onions, carrots and potatoes were cheap, so I usually got them from the supermarket. Somedays, I splurge on green Asian vegetables which were rare and expensive there. I still remembered how happy I was to have a stir-fried sambal kang kong.
Apart from these daily routines, I’m usually open to activities and meeting people. I usually joined whatever parties people invited me to. Their parties are usually in the faculty or dorms, with people buying food and gathering to chat and drink. I speak to all sort of strangers, met all sorts of people from all over the world. Most of them, I never do remember their names nor keep in contact after. But it’s these people who has ignited a quiet revolution in me and opened my mind to many other perspectives.
Being brought up in Singapore sometimes narrow our minds. From young, we were brought up to see only one road – to study hard, get great results, and to find a good job and climb up the corporate ladder. We can’t stop, we must keep going up and save for retirement. There’s no other way to survive. Part of me feel trapped, yet another part of me long to break free. I believe in dreams, yet I’m practical by nature. Perhaps the biggest issue is not knowing what you want exactly, and nobody can have it all.
And perhaps, that’s why life is a journey, a lifelong search for meaning.
