.::. Simply Better .::.

These 2 years have been very fulfilling and packed, and something that resonates deeply with me recently is this saying : 

‘It doesn’t get easier, you just get better.’

Remember the times when you have to do something new and how difficult or even impossible it seems? I have been there many times these two years. 

Most recently, it was at my new job where the learning curve have been extremely steep. During my second month was the quarter-close and budgeting deadlines when everyday was a race against time. For the first time in my working life, I wished that the weekend wouldn’t come, just so I can have more time before my Friday deadlines. One Friday, I left office near midnight, it was also a first in my working life. But the thing is, I knew that I was just slow and figuring things out, and it would become a lot easier the next time. After 2 months at my new job, many things have become easier although I’m still learning.

I also started driving to work last year when I was still working in Tuas South. I was always nervous about driving, simply because I barely drove since I got my license donkey years ago. I drove a few times and during our USA trip, but my parents never liked me to drive. They were always worried that I couldn’t get out of my own gate and my dad told me that it’s cheaper to take a taxi in case ‘something’ happened. So when we got our own car, the husband made me drive while he sat beside me. We all know how things go when men sits in a car with a female driver. He’s the strictest teacher, constantly reminding me and screaming at me when he thinks that I did not check my blind spots (even if I did!). He also made me parallel park. A few weeks with him later, I drove myself to work a rainy day when I overslept and had to cab to work, yet refuse to pay half a tank of petrol when my car is sitting downstairs. He was supposed to drive with me together to work the next day, since he was on leave and wanted to be with me on my first drive to work. I asked him for permission to drive to work, he said up to me, but later told me to drive carefully and keep a safe distance as it’s raining. Since then, I drove myself to work and picked him up from work.  I constantly ‘hear’ his reminders even when I was driving alone. I still get nervous about driving to a new place now and then, especially during peak hours or when it was raining. I still remember how stressed I was driving up my violin teacher’s condominium carpark – it was those old condominiums with narrow ramps and waist-height walls. I had to go up 6 ramps before I reached the visitor lots and I counted every single one, heaving a sigh of relief after I made it safely every. A few months on, it came so naturally to me that I actually went higher than I needed to. Nowadays, I actually enjoy driving most of the time and I’m no longer scared or nervous about tight spaces nor parallel parking. Weekends are my favorite me-time when I get to drive to the gym and do some shopping. Amazing what a few months can do, isn’t it?

Having played the violin and piano for more than a year, I’m constantly amazed by my own progress.  Whenever I am frustrated when it comes to a new piece, my violin teacher never fails to remind me how I used to struggle with ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars’ just a year ago. 15 months after I first picked up the violin, I passed my Grade 3 ABRSM exams. I don’t think I imagined this much of progress in one year, yet one could actually do so much in a year. I struggle with piano more than violin though, because coordinating 2 hands and 2 melodies and reading from different clefs is really a challenge. I take months to play a song well, yet what used to be difficult could become easy after some time. I’m finally playing Yiruma’s River Flows in You now!

With all these lessons over these 2 years, I am no longer daunted by new challenges! As long as you keep working on it, everything would become easier after some time - only that it did not get easier but you simply got better!

.::. Taking Stock .::.

As we are concluding Q3 and going into Q4, I’m glad that 2015 has been another great year, though not exactly lucky for me. I got into an accident, hurt my feet and lost my wallet the first time in my life.

Most of the goals that I’ve set for this year has been checked off the list though.

I have finished my ACCA exams, and is now officially a CPA Affiliate! Not that I’m going to find another job to be an accountant; nor does this change much of anything. I’m glad that I’m done with studying. Studying while working is really tough, especially if you would actually want to have a life. So glad I'm done with this one. =)

An unexpected event threw us off our plans though – we got a car. Yes, I know, absolutely foolish financially when we do not need a car and have free transport to work. It’s an additional expense of almost $2k if not for some help from this parents. It's still a substantial sum of money that could be invested for early retirement and holidays. Although I’m now excited about having our first ride, I can’t say that this has not weighed us down financially and perhaps mentally. I dislike liabilities and hate having to worry about money. After all the sums, we can probably afford it, but things will be different if kids come into the equation and we can no longer enjoy those amazing holidays. If not for the over-trade rebate from the MIL’s old car, and relatively cheaper COE now, we probably wouldn’t have done it. Having said that, since it’s a done deal, we must make sure that we get most out of the car. I’m already planning weekends out with Chikey, and the many places that I always wanted to go but couldn’t without a car. This almost translates to pay more to spend more. =_=”

And with 9 months on my violin, 6 months of piano classes, I’m preparing for Grade 3 ABRSM exams early next year! It brings me so much joy to be able to do what I love and make so much progress over the months. It’s hard work, but it’s a process that I actually enjoy, more than studying for ACCA!

Fitness wise, I’ve been pretty consistent this year till recently. I love BodyPump and BodyCombat, and all the muscles that I'm building. It feels great being stronger and having the energy to do all I do, though my mum constantly reminds me that I'm too 'fat'. It's annoying, but it's also amazing how because of her, I have learnt to not let peoples' opinion of me bother me too much over the years. Life is too short to bother about what people think. 

And here is a picture of us, scaling 2 volcanoes in Indonesia after our exams. It was another great adventure. We climbed Ijen in the dark, leaving the hotel at midnight and reached the top before daybreak. I hope that we stay fit enough to do this again! And I hope that I get to sit down and write about this trip, and our 10th anniversary trip to Maldives last December. And there was Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh.

The haze is making me so allergic and I’m relying on my inhaler at times. Apart from necessary, I’m hiding at home as much as possible. I have been coughing since weeks ago too. I hope this haze goes away soon! Shooo~

.::. Reconnecting with Music .::.

For a very long time, for some strange reason, music disappeared from my life. I loved music as a child. My dad used to like classical orchestra music and some Chinese pop songs. He always played it loudly on his huge speakers. I also sang karaoke with my aunts and uncles with the huge black disks. I went for those Yamaha music classes at Clementi. I always remembered the tutu-kueh that my dad bought for me after every lesson. But soon, I got bored as the Yamaha group classes spent most of the time singing and clapping and playing using only one hand for the year or two that I had classes there. I stopped lessons after some time, but have learnt how to read notes and play some simple songs. By the time I was in primary school, I wanted to learn the piano, but my parents didn’t allow me to learn. They told me to focus on streaming in Primary 4 before thinking about the learning piano. I naively thought that I could start learning the piano if I did well. When I was finally done and got into ‘EM1’, I asked to learn the piano again. They again refused and asked me to focus on the demanding curriculum in ‘EM1’, and make sure that I do well for PSLE. By then, I was playing the keyboard in our school ensemble and they thought that it was enough. I never asked to learn piano again after that but self-learnt some pieces I liked on the organ that I had at home.

By the time I was in Secondary school, I spent most of my money buying mando-pop and Jpop CDs. My dad used to scold me endlessly about my ‘spendthrift’ habits, money that I saved from that little pocket money I had and money that I’ve saved from working after school when I turned 15. We had a karaoke system at home and some cheap VCDs that my dad got from China. I spent lots of time singing and playing some songs on the piano that my parents got for my sisters. I even wrote some songs with basic cords and sent them out to record companies during those crazy days. By the time I was done with JC, music started draining out of my life. I stopped playing the piano ever since my sisters got better than me. I stopped listening to music because I preferred silence and had simply had no time. I started dating the husband and spilt my time teaching tuition and working part-time outside school. I finally saved enough for my first trip on the plane when I turned 21 with the husband. I’ve no idea when or how, but music just crept out silently and made way for everything else.

I loved the quiet and stillness during the year when I was in Sweden. It was calm and tranquil and I loved seeing the scenery go by when I was traveling on trains or buss around Europe. I loved wandering on the cobbler stones roads and watching the world go by. During those days, the basking violinists on the streets left a deep impression on me. Sometimes it was freezing cold, and sometimes it was sunny and warm, but the violinists on the streets always sounded so beautiful. For the first time ever in my life, I wished that I could play the violin as beautifully.

By the time I’m back, it was all forgotten and tucked behind my mind. I got busy with life again, and then the house and wedding came. It took some time before we’re finally settled down and comfortable before I entertained thoughts of learning the violin again as I’m finishing my ACCA exams. I don’t think the husband truly understands this side of me that he has never seen before in the past 10 years. He might have heard me sing, but never have he heard me play. I don’t think he even believed that I could play any instrument. Even for my closest friends, they probably haven’t heard me play either. Probably only nana who played alongside me on the keyboard in the primary school ensemble remembers me playing.




My beautiful piano was delivered few months ago, and I have been taking piano classes for the past month. I can’t believe it’s happening, that I could be crazy enough to empty my bank account for a long-lost dream at this point of time. I now have a 4-year-old a Yamaha U1 Silent piano that I got second-hand from a parent whose child does not want to learn the piano anymore. Parents buy such expensive toys for their children nowadays! I'm now playing Grade 2 songs on the piano, and it was a struggle trying to relearn what I used to know.

So here I am, half year into learning the violin and playing Grade 3 songs. Although my teacher tells me repeatedly that I’m doing very well and learning very quickly, I always feel that I’m not doing well enough nor fast enough. Maybe it’s me trying to make up for so many lost years, but it suddenly hit me that I’ve lived with a void for so many years. I have forgotten how music fills me with so much happiness and brings upon a firework of emotions in me. I have forgotten how much I enjoy playing music and it really makes me wonder why did I ever stop.

As an adult learner, it’s really an uphill climb that takes some determination and commitment. Although it really helps that I can already read music and have a good feel musically, violin itself is a difficult instrument to learn. It’s getting more difficult as I’m finished Book 2, but my bowing has improved exponentially. I don’t dare to imagine a day that I can play without tapes and can sound really smooth, but I’m just working on sounding better than I did yesterday. I practice almost everyday now and sometimes even I amaze myself at the progress I’m making. I was learning Minute 3 aka Lovers’ Concerto and it was my first time trying to play slurs. It was so awkward and I sounded really horrible, yet after like 3 hours of practice, I started getting used to the bowing and it actually started to sound like a song. Slurs now feel natural! Learning the violin trains my patience and taught me that everything takes time. To get from here to there, it simply takes time and effort. I know that no matter how difficult things may seem initially, it will get easier and I just need to keep going at it. Things simply do not happen overnight, the whole process takes time. It finally hit home that everyone has 24 hours a day and it’s a consistent and persistent choice daily that one has to make to get to where they want to be.

I have no idea what hit me, but after learning the violin, something reignited in me and I feel more alive than ever upon reconnecting with music. I suddenly seek the piece of me that I forgot existed. I suddenly have this urge to play the piano again and to be better than I used to be. Sadly, when I touched the piano again, I can’t remember how to play the songs that I used to know by memory. Playing music sometimes enable you to lose yourself in the melody and to go into another world that is far from harsh reality. I wished that the husband could join me in my musical world and feel what I feel, and I wish that my children can know music and have a place to escape to when reality gets too harsh. I’m thankful that the husband has been supportive all these years – 谢谢你重荣我的随心所欲。He even bought me a music stand and violin stand when I mentioned in passing that I needed to get them. And when I was insistent about getting a piano, so I can learn and have my children grow up in a musical environment, he grudgingly agreed after some resistance with space and noise concerns.

It's amazing how much progress I have made this year, and my teachers are sending me for Grade 3/4 exams next year. I'm really enjoying the process and have hopes that I could finish Grade 8 just so that I can make it my retirement job in future. How amazing it would be to fill my days teaching children music, bringing them into a whole new world. =)