For a very long time, for some strange reason, music disappeared from my life. I loved music as a child. My dad used to like classical orchestra music and some Chinese pop songs. He always played it loudly on his huge speakers. I also sang karaoke with my aunts and uncles with the huge black disks. I went for those Yamaha music classes at Clementi. I always remembered the tutu-kueh that my dad bought for me after every lesson. But soon, I got bored as the Yamaha group classes spent most of the time singing and clapping and playing using only one hand for the year or two that I had classes there. I stopped lessons after some time, but have learnt how to read notes and play some simple songs. By the time I was in primary school, I wanted to learn the piano, but my parents didn’t allow me to learn. They told me to focus on streaming in Primary 4 before thinking about the learning piano. I naively thought that I could start learning the piano if I did well. When I was finally done and got into ‘EM1’, I asked to learn the piano again. They again refused and asked me to focus on the demanding curriculum in ‘EM1’, and make sure that I do well for PSLE. By then, I was playing the keyboard in our school ensemble and they thought that it was enough. I never asked to learn piano again after that but self-learnt some pieces I liked on the organ that I had at home.
By the time I was in Secondary school, I spent most of my money buying mando-pop and Jpop CDs. My dad used to scold me endlessly about my ‘spendthrift’ habits, money that I saved from that little pocket money I had and money that I’ve saved from working after school when I turned 15. We had a karaoke system at home and some cheap VCDs that my dad got from China. I spent lots of time singing and playing some songs on the piano that my parents got for my sisters. I even wrote some songs with basic cords and sent them out to record companies during those crazy days. By the time I was done with JC, music started draining out of my life. I stopped playing the piano ever since my sisters got better than me. I stopped listening to music because I preferred silence and had simply had no time. I started dating the husband and spilt my time teaching tuition and working part-time outside school. I finally saved enough for my first trip on the plane when I turned 21 with the husband. I’ve no idea when or how, but music just crept out silently and made way for everything else.
By the time I was in Secondary school, I spent most of my money buying mando-pop and Jpop CDs. My dad used to scold me endlessly about my ‘spendthrift’ habits, money that I saved from that little pocket money I had and money that I’ve saved from working after school when I turned 15. We had a karaoke system at home and some cheap VCDs that my dad got from China. I spent lots of time singing and playing some songs on the piano that my parents got for my sisters. I even wrote some songs with basic cords and sent them out to record companies during those crazy days. By the time I was done with JC, music started draining out of my life. I stopped playing the piano ever since my sisters got better than me. I stopped listening to music because I preferred silence and had simply had no time. I started dating the husband and spilt my time teaching tuition and working part-time outside school. I finally saved enough for my first trip on the plane when I turned 21 with the husband. I’ve no idea when or how, but music just crept out silently and made way for everything else.
I loved the quiet and stillness during the year when I was in Sweden. It was calm and tranquil and I loved seeing the scenery go by when I was traveling on trains or buss around Europe. I loved wandering on the cobbler stones roads and watching the world go by. During those days, the basking violinists on the streets left a deep impression on me. Sometimes it was freezing cold, and sometimes it was sunny and warm, but the violinists on the streets always sounded so beautiful. For the first time ever in my life, I wished that I could play the violin as beautifully.
By the time I’m back, it was all forgotten and tucked behind my mind. I got busy with life again, and then the house and wedding came. It took some time before we’re finally settled down and comfortable before I entertained thoughts of learning the violin again as I’m finishing my ACCA exams. I don’t think the husband truly understands this side of me that he has never seen before in the past 10 years. He might have heard me sing, but never have he heard me play. I don’t think he even believed that I could play any instrument. Even for my closest friends, they probably haven’t heard me play either. Probably only nana who played alongside me on the keyboard in the primary school ensemble remembers me playing.
My beautiful piano was delivered few months ago, and I have been taking piano classes for the past month. I can’t believe it’s happening, that I could be crazy enough to empty my bank account for a long-lost dream at this point of time. I now have a 4-year-old a Yamaha U1 Silent piano that I got second-hand from a parent whose child does not want to learn the piano anymore. Parents buy such expensive toys for their children nowadays! I'm now playing Grade 2 songs on the piano, and it was a struggle trying to relearn what I used to know.
My beautiful piano was delivered few months ago, and I have been taking piano classes for the past month. I can’t believe it’s happening, that I could be crazy enough to empty my bank account for a long-lost dream at this point of time. I now have a 4-year-old a Yamaha U1 Silent piano that I got second-hand from a parent whose child does not want to learn the piano anymore. Parents buy such expensive toys for their children nowadays! I'm now playing Grade 2 songs on the piano, and it was a struggle trying to relearn what I used to know.
So here I am, half year into learning the violin and playing Grade 3 songs. Although my teacher tells me repeatedly that I’m doing very well and learning very quickly, I always feel that I’m not doing well enough nor fast enough. Maybe it’s me trying to make up for so many lost years, but it suddenly hit me that I’ve lived with a void for so many years. I have forgotten how music fills me with so much happiness and brings upon a firework of emotions in me. I have forgotten how much I enjoy playing music and it really makes me wonder why did I ever stop.
As an adult learner, it’s really an uphill climb that takes some determination and commitment. Although it really helps that I can already read music and have a good feel musically, violin itself is a difficult instrument to learn. It’s getting more difficult as I’m finished Book 2, but my bowing has improved exponentially. I don’t dare to imagine a day that I can play without tapes and can sound really smooth, but I’m just working on sounding better than I did yesterday. I practice almost everyday now and sometimes even I amaze myself at the progress I’m making. I was learning Minute 3 aka Lovers’ Concerto and it was my first time trying to play slurs. It was so awkward and I sounded really horrible, yet after like 3 hours of practice, I started getting used to the bowing and it actually started to sound like a song. Slurs now feel natural! Learning the violin trains my patience and taught me that everything takes time. To get from here to there, it simply takes time and effort. I know that no matter how difficult things may seem initially, it will get easier and I just need to keep going at it. Things simply do not happen overnight, the whole process takes time. It finally hit home that everyone has 24 hours a day and it’s a consistent and persistent choice daily that one has to make to get to where they want to be.
I have no idea what hit me, but after learning the violin, something reignited in me and I feel more alive than ever upon reconnecting with music. I suddenly seek the piece of me that I forgot existed. I suddenly have this urge to play the piano again and to be better than I used to be. Sadly, when I touched the piano again, I can’t remember how to play the songs that I used to know by memory. Playing music sometimes enable you to lose yourself in the melody and to go into another world that is far from harsh reality. I wished that the husband could join me in my musical world and feel what I feel, and I wish that my children can know music and have a place to escape to when reality gets too harsh. I’m thankful that the husband has been supportive all these years – 谢谢你重荣我的随心所欲。He even bought me a music stand and violin stand when I mentioned in passing that I needed to get them. And when I was insistent about getting a piano, so I can learn and have my children grow up in a musical environment, he grudgingly agreed after some resistance with space and noise concerns.
It's amazing how much progress I have made this year, and my teachers are sending me for Grade 3/4 exams next year. I'm really enjoying the process and have hopes that I could finish Grade 8 just so that I can make it my retirement job in future. How amazing it would be to fill my days teaching children music, bringing them into a whole new world. =)
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