.::.Relationships.::.

Some days, I wonder if ‘happily ever after’ really exists or rather, what are the chances that a relationship can achieve ‘happily ever after’.  How many couples are still happy together after a few decades together?

Looking at many older couples around me, I’m a tad sad to observe that many of them don’t seem to be happy together.  Many seem to stay together for convenience or simply to ‘have a complete family’ among many other ridiculous reasons that may include money.  Many of them do not even sleep together in the same room or bed anymore.  Many can’t stand each other, some don’t talk, some scream at each other often, some put each other down constantly.  Why I wonder?  Why?  How do they live like that?  How can they be happy?

I look at older couples put each other down, from saying hurtful things like ‘You are so fat!’ or ‘You are so uncivilized!’ loudly in public places and infront of their children.  It’s painful to watch, even more painful to not be able to say anything because they are our elders and it’s supposedly rude to speak up against them.  It goes against all my principles to bite my tongue and pretend I don’t notice instead. But it makes me sad, to keep quiet and pretend not to notice.  When you do not speak up against bad behavior, you are actually condoning it and encouraging it.  Yet, for the betterment of everyone (or so I believe for now), I felt like I had to keep quiet and look away.  Knowing myself, I’m not sure how long I can stay silenmt and pretend not to notice nor speak up against such terrible behavior!  I don’t think I can stand being around such negative energy.

How can people be so mean I sometimes wonder?  I'm appalled that even very religious people can be very mean and difficult, despite spending all that time on the teachings that are supposed to make them a better person.  

One simply need a strong moral compass to know what’s right (and wrong) and how to spare a thought for others.

And a mental note to myself, I hope that I will never scream at the husband like that and put him down.  I hope that regardless what happens, we can always be kind to each other and never have to hurt each other with unnecessary words.  I hope that we will never put each other down especially NOT infront of our children. I hope that we can be good role models that our children can look up to and respect.  

Nobody should say such things to others, regardless the circumstances!  Period.

.::. 2016 Resolutions .::.

This was in draft for months, and before I got it published, it's already March!?

2015 Resolutions (and some of 2016):

1. Be more disciplined with exercise and diet to reduce fat % and become leaner/stronger.

While I have gotten stronger and have been keeping an active lifestyle, I don't think I got leaner nor reduced my fat %! This is a constant struggle especially after I started driving to work and consequentially walked less. We did spend more days strolling at Botanical Gardens and brought Chikey to Sentosa to swim and stroll at Sentosa Coast after we got our car though.This shall be a constant work-in-progress every year!

2.Reading more news and books to enrich myself and to meet my financial goals this year.

We have been pretty disciplined and have not spent much on big-ticket items this year. Even holidays were pretty muted to Indonesia and Boracay, Phillipines this year. I also took up additional tuition assignment out of interest and for more supplementary income to cover our addional petrol expense or my music lessons. To some extend, this also helps to mitigate earned salary-risk, given that my income and job was not exactly stable with a 25% workforce reduction in 2015. Financial goals were on target or slightly ahead. We need to persevere 10 more years before she finish our mortgage and become financially free. Hoping to be more disciplined with savings to be ready to take advantage of any market downturn.

3. Learn a new instrument – violin and piano

After starting violin lessons in January and piano lessons in March, I took my ABRSM Grade 3 in February 2016. It took considerable hard work and some stress towards the end, but I'm so glad of the progress I've made. People think I'm crazy, I think I'm crazy too, but it has brought me immense pleasure in playing and making all these progress. There’s still a long way to go, but I hope to continue on this journey in the many years to come!

4. Reduce clutter and organize the home.

We did quite a thorough spring cleaning before Chinese New Year! The house is the cleanest since we moved in, but I still need to continue de-cluttering and organizing my (many) stuff.

5. Experiment with new recipes and cook/bake more often.

Highlights of the year was Prawn Noodle Soup, Chicken Rice and steamed fish! I also cooked for my family's reunion dinner in 2016! I haven't baked much though, it's too fattening and the husband doesn't like sweets.

6. Finish ACCA

Like finally! *wee. No more guilt for not spending my weekends studying and no more night classes! You know what's worst than studying or working? Studying AND working. I can't believe how I used to rush to classes after work and got home past 11pm, only to get up at 5am for work, and still have to find time to study among everything.

2015 was a year with many milestones, but has not been very lucky for me. For one, I lost my wallet the first time in my life, together with all my cards. The wallet was 5 year-old but in very good condition, purchased in New York during one of our trips. I also dropped my phone and cracked the whole screen epicly. Work has not been the smoothest too given the downturn in O&G and dreary environment. There were also many hospital admittance for the family. But as a whole, it wasn’t too bad a year as we still chugged along happily and I achieved most of what I set out to do in 2015.

2016 is supposedly a good year for both of us, and I indeed had a pretty good start.

In 2016, I hope to continue the momentum and make more progress on these core goals.

1.       Stay active and healthy – now that we’ve a car, we do walk less but we can do more. I hope to have more active weekends since the husband does not like to exercie. Shall plan more walks to botanic gardens and MacRitchie, and to bring Chikey out more often to the beach. I also hope to continue my weekly gym sessions and I’ve been planning to start Kayla’s BBG program again. I also cook less often now that we can quickly and easily drive out to eat. I also pick the husband up often, and drop by somewhere for dinner before coming home. So hopefully, I can continue cooking few times a week for more nutritious and healthy meals.

2.       Save and Invest – We are pretty much on-track for our 10-year plan, but it might be more challenging with a car. Given our current lifestyle we should be alright, especially since we’ve cut down on traveling.

3.       Do more – Although the husband and I donate monthly, and I take part in charity programs now and then, I hope to do more for the less priveledged. I have been urging the husband to join me to do some volunteer work but he hasn’t been too keen about it. He thinks that I should take the time to do more for our place (like more housekeeping and packing my stuff) instead of spending the time to do others’ place. =_=” Perhaps we can work out a few one-time off events to volunteer at. Children and animals always have a special place in my heart.

4.       Practice more -  After my Grade 3 exams for both violin and piano early this year, I hope to play more of what I enjoy instead of preparing for exams! Looking forward to work on my dream pieces and perhaps save for a violin upgrade.

5.       Love more – life is too short to be too busy for your loved ones. Broadly, this includes more cooking, more housekeeping, more quality time together with all my loved ones.

I can’t believe that I will be turning 30 very soon I have turned 30. I don’t feel like 30, although I do feel that at this age, I am in better control of my life in all the different aspects. It might be a scary thing to age for some, but I realized that time gives you a perspective that nothing else could.

Time. Time is a very scary thing that is slipping away every second and can never be recovered. I was looking through my old stuff like photos from secondary school and my studying materials in school and from my time in Sweden. I threw most of them away, but I feel this sense of loss and emptiness, like I can't bear to let go of those wonderful times. It's another topic all by itself, but well, time pass us by way too quickly.

The husband is away yet again on a work trip. It's during these times when I'm home-alone and free that I spend more time reflecting. I know right, how did he become such an integral part of me that I feel a sense of emptiness and a dull ache of loss without him?

To another wonderful year ahead! =)

.::. Parents .::.

One of the best things that you could do for your parents is to let them worry less about you, live well, be well, be happy. Yet it may be easier said than done when what they want for you might not be what you want for yourself, and it becomes a delicate balance.

.::. My Love .::.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I have been wanting to write about love, about my love, yet love is such a difficult concept to describe so lets just leave it at that. Has it been almost 11 years?

.::. Productive Years .::.

I was reading this article on Bloomberg sometime back. It says that the first 10 years of one’s career would determine the amount of wealth one can make. It makes sense doesn’t it? If you start with a low salary, increment will be slow and people always benchmark your pay based on your last drawn pay. Some may get promoted quickly with some luck, but the odds are against the majority of us. Basically, what it says is that after 35, chances of your pay increasing significantly is very low. This corresponds with the well-known fact that it becomes a lot harder to find another job after you hit 40s. Of course there are always exceptions and outliners, but this probably holds true for majority of us normal people. 

This has triggered a string of thoughts, with the backdrop of across-the-industry job cuts in O&G where I’m currently in. The struggle is real. It can be very unsettling and uncomfortable seeing people you see everyday disappear just like that. We get immediate dismissal here. Get called into a meeting, and someone will inform you that you’re dismissed with immediate effect and you are not even allowed to go back to your desk to pack your stuff or bid your team goodbye. HR and your manager will pack your things for you and escort you out. That’s it, the people you see everyday will just become a memory. People disappear, leave without saying goodbye and come to work not knowing if today will be their last day at work. It doesn't help that they don't do it all at once, and news simply keep coming from everywhere, all the time.

It makes me very sad, though life goes on and people move on. Afterall, a job isn’t everything and losing a job isn’t the end of the world, for most of us anyway. Looking at these unfolding makes me even more wary and determined to work towards financial freedom. Despite being able to survive for easily a year without a job, I really don’t appreciate any setbacks to my retirement plans. I’m most afraid of increasing monthly fixed expenses. As it is now, daily household expenses and insurance comes up to quite a tidy sum of fixed expenses. I can’t imagine how things will become with kids and I can’t understand how people cope with a home with car and maid plus kids. If fixed expenses come up to a few grand a month, how does one save and how long can they survive if they lose their jobs?

It’s so easy to project an increase in salary over the years and correspondingly upgrade your lifestyle. What people don’t seem to take into account into the whole equation is the increasing risk of losing a job as one ages. One may earn more when they are 40s and in a managerial role, but also has a higher risk of losing the job when there’s a downturn and find it harder to find a similar-paid job. Even for civil servants with relatively secured jobs or professionals with specialized skill, one mistake or accident and they may lose their jobs.

Some people tell me not to plan or worry, live a day as it comes. Really? I can’t. I need to work towards my goals to feel secure and fulfilled. I know what it feels like to not have enough money and worry about the next paycheck. It’s not something that I would like to go through again this lifetime. I want to know that I can have the option of not spending my time working for money when I am in my 40s and can instead choose to do something I love with my time, regardless of how much I make. I can imagine spending my time teaching and volunteering, spending time with children and animals, playing music and doing yoga.

I can’t imagine how people could say that they want to continue working for corporations and do not want to retire. It may be great if one really love the job so much, but what I see alot is fear, that they do not know what to do with their free time and themselves. They’ve become so used to the routine of work-life and letting work dictate most of what they do with their time (and life) till they have forgotten how it feels like to spend time doing what they really want or like. Maybe they have forgotten what they wanted and it’s easier to continue a routine without having to give much thought to it.

I always talk about retiring, and people are always shell-shocked and ask what am I going to do? Oh my, there are so many possibilities! These are the same people who tell me that they have ‘no time’ to learn a new instrument that they have always wanted, no time to cook for their families because they have ‘no time’.

For now, I can continue dreaming and work towards the day when I can finally be free to do whatever my heart desires.

.::. Jan's Ark .::.

I suppose many have heard of the story ‘Noah’s Ark’ – it’s probably my favorite biblical story and the very few that I actually connect with.  In short, it’s a story about how Noah built an ark to save his family and animals from a big flood that he believed would come. It has been used in a few movies, and what I really liked about it was how Noah put in all his heart to prepare for a potential challenge. He simply strengthened his ship and kept working on it, just so he can be prepared and ready when the storm comes.

I find inspiration and connect with his determination to be prepared for future challenges. It’s the human factor that inspires me more than the ‘God’ part of the story. I believe that if we are constantly strengthening ourselves and preparing ourselves for future challenges, we will be able to manage any difficulties that come our way. A solid ground work will always be a good base to fall back on when things get tough. Sometimes this simply mean a conscious effort to be positive, to have visions and plans, or to work on mental and physical strength.

Approaching the 10^th year of my relationship with the husband, I have the same thoughts about our relationship. It’s like throughout the 10 years, we have been building our ark, strengthening it bit by bit. With every storm we weather, we may lose some parts of our ark and emerge embattled – but we always continue working on it, repairing it and fortifying it. The first few years might have been challenging when we only had a little sampan that broke all the time while we hung on to it to keep afloat. Thankfully, after many years of hard work, we now have a strong and fortified ark that hopefully could bring us through all the challenges and storms in life. All’s calm now, but it sure feels like there might be storms ahead and every little thing we could do to strengthen our ark now would bring us a long way.

Jan’s ark is ready and strengthening! Bring it on! =)

.::. Jojo's Bday .::.

It was Jo's birthday early this month. The last our of us 4 for the year. We had Spanish food for dinner at Binomio. It was a weekday and I had coffee with Ju on Duxton Hill before dinner. It was a great evening.

It really doesn't feel that long, but its been 15 years.

Our dear Jo is also getting married in a few weeks' time!

Really looking forward to our next girls' trip, and wishing nothing but the best for these girls.

.::. Q1 in photos .::.

Luckily I uploaded most of the pictures before my phone dropped into the toilet bowl and stopped working!

There was our 2nd and last free stay cation at Intercontinental, 2 nights with Cheer Chen's concert.

We had our meals nearby, Purvis Street. It has one of my favorite hainanese chicken rice and thai food. The hainanese chicken rice is one of the most authentic places left as all of them actually do speak hainanese, with food that tastes my like childhood.

First Thai, I love the kang kong but the standard seems to have dropped.

And of course...bubble baths!


Cheer Chen's concert! I love her, she has the voice of an angel and he got tickets for my birthday - emailed to me when he was overseas on my birthday.

And I try to cook as often as possible, though it's getting challenging these days due to my ridiculous schedule.

I usually jog on Wednesdays by the lake, because tuition starts at 7.30pm. I've time to squeeze in a jog and dinner before teaching.

This was dinner alone at Suntec's soup spoon after gym. The husband was attending a wedding. I love the new concept.

And I dug out my old iPod. The 8-year-old iPod that's still working and was my birthday present.

And this year's the year of weddings.

I think this was CNY dinner at our place.

One of the rare evenings when I'm home and can witness the twilight by the bay window.

The husband took leave and we went dating. Mondays are usually forced leave for me instead of off-in-lieu for those public holidays that fall on Saturday.

I love the Interlace, the unique design and how it's near and integrates into nature. 

My belated birthday celebration on Duxton Hill, and my huge Christmas present at home that I didn't realize.

Birthday celebration with the girls. It's been a good 15 years.

The dog, my ever-loyal companion.

Chinatown and birthday dinner with the neighbors when the husband wasn't around.

My best tom-yum soup attempt.

Celebrating Ju's birthday.

CNY hair.

I'm crazy about black chicken soup these days. *yums!

Cute Chikey, with his BFF Rugby.

One of the rare nights we went back to our old dating places. And he's tired before it's even 10pm!

Home-cooked meals.

Many steamboats gatherings.

Sometime, BBQ.

Bits of pieces of Q1, not in chronological order because I'm lazy but still wish to remember what was 2014 Q1 like.

Q2 might be a potential change in direction, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

To a great Q2! =)

.::. This & That - Neighborhood tales .::.

The husband and I eat at the hawker center often ever since we moved in together. I love hawker centers and wet markets, perhaps it’s because it was a big part of my childhood. I used to go to the market together with my grandmother, happily pushing the trolley along. Grandma has many friends and the market is so lively with everyone greeting each other, chatting. It used to be really wet and smelly, there were even live chickens then. Then I would eat vegetarian beehoon at the hawker, sometimes looking after the purchases as grandma go get more stuff.  She would cook everything from scratch, and there’s particular stores where she will get things like spices and curry powder.

These are heartwarming scenes from my childhood and seeing how all the old folks seem to know each other at the hawker center warms my heart. They always seem to bump into each other and look so happy to see someone familiar. Sometimes a big group of old people would gather and eat together, chatting away. I was telling the husband how nice it was and how those aunties seem so happy to see their friends. He was laughing and telling me how it would happen to me when I’m old like them. Not long after, we bumped into our neighbor and the exact same thing happened to me – I was smiling and chatting with them. Looks like I didn’t have to wait till I’m old. These are things that I love about neighborhoods, things that don’t seem to happen in private estates.

On the other end of the spectrum, I witnessed a couple arguing fiercely over breakfast that day. They were a Cantonese couple and looked quite old, over 60. The wife went on and on, scolding the husband for saying something infront of others, saying how he is childish and like a child and needs to change, telling him how he should mind his own business among other things. She never stopped and really put down the husband like he’s not worth anything. The husband did retort, telling her that it’s his mouth and he’s not saying it to her, asking her to mind her business and to stop screaming so loudly unless she wants the whole world to know. It angered the wife more and she went on even louder till the husband stormed off.

Whenever I see couples arguing I would wonder why is there a need to say such harsh things and hurt each other. Didn’t every couple start from falling in love? I wonder if it’s true that couples become more childish and argue more when they become old. It makes those loving old couples who are still holding hands look like a miracle. Why don’t couples communicate more and be each other’s support as they grow old together? I’ve a colleague who yearns to be posted overseas to do things she likes and far away from her husband, because she finds him boring and uninterested in everything. Then there’s this couple staying nearby who’s always arguing, from during renovation right till now. Their arguments are so violent, screaming at each other and hurling hokkien vulgarities that I could hear clearly from my place even when I close my main door.

Things like these make me wonder, how will we end up 10 or 20 years from now. Will we still be loving and cherish each other or will we start biting each other’s head off?

During such times of reflection, I make a mental note to constantly put in effort to communicate with the husband, be his pillar of strength and to remember why we fell in love and what we like about each other. No harsh words during arguments, no putting each other down and discounting each other’s feelings, no blaming each other and always try to understand each other’s point of view first. Time-out if need be, but strictly no harsh words as scars stay and take a long time to fade away. Must remember not to start screaming away and make home a stressful place to come back to!