.::. Across the ocean, across the sea .::.



We took a stroll today, to East Coast Park.

It's actually quite a nice place really.

We brought Chinook along, and he's really alot braver now! But then, he's still timid by nature and refused to go into the water. He's also really afraid of bicycles.



It has been a quiet and calm evening, something which I needed.

Eversince I have been back, I really feel the stress. It's not like anyone is actually giving me stress, but it's just the whole environment in which I am in and the questions people ask. Jobs, money and marriage are constant topics, no matter who I talk to. As much as we may resent the way things are, we seem to be constantly reinforcing reality and subconsciously, stress.

I missed home so much while I was in Sweden. I missed the food and efficiency especially, but I was almost stress-free there. I never had trouble sleeping nor feel stressed. I simply felt so light and we don't seem to chat about stressful matters either. Europeans have such a laid-back perspective to life that it rubs off you. They don't seem to worry about much at all, not much about money nor job nor savings nor marriage nor society's/family's expectations of them. They simply seem so...free.

When I'm stressed, I need to go jogging or take a stroll. Otherwise I'll simply hide under my blankets, curl up and sleep it away.When a couple is jobless and job-hunting, there are times that it's hard to be upbeat and the frustration becomes contagious.

I think it's quarter-life crisis, 6 months early. I feel myself being swept by society's currents - do the 'right' thing, get a job, , save up, get married, have kids, earn more money to support your kids. While there's nothing wrong with that, there's this resistance within me which questions why I should follow the flow. What do I really want to do with my life?

I dread going back to the days, dragging myself to work, hating every moment of it, hoping that time passes me by so that I can get paid and clock enough time for my resume before I can quit. Everyweek passes me by, because I'm always looking forward to Fridays and the weekends are over before I know it.

In short, I was hoping that my life would be able to be over quickly. It's really a horrifying thought, living my life and hoping that days could pass me by ASAP, without really enjoying and cherishing everyday.

Being away for a year and being around so many different people, I have learnt that there are different ways to live life and that it is possible to enjoy living. Yet being back, coming back to this pressure-cooker environment, what I am most afraid of is that I'll flow with the society's current yet again.

I'm afraid that when I become a mother, I'm going to put my child through the same thing. I'm afraid that I'll become one of those mothers who enrol my child to endless enrichment lessons and put so much focus and stress on his results. But I jolly-well know that it's essential for this society, and preparing him for it is probably what I should do. I used to be an advocate of this, but now I question if it's even the right environment to bring up my child in.

Parents teach their child many things, yet they don't teach them how to be happy and how to be contented. We are trained to be never satisfied, always ask for more.Having too much time to reflect might not be a good thing. Perhaps in no time, I'll become that detached accountant again, staring at my computer screen 12 hours a day and coming home dead-tired, without any excess energy to think.

It's scary, how life passes you by. How to actually cherish everyday and do something meaningful everyday?

20 years down the road, will I be proud of what I have achieved or done?