.::. Annoyed .::.

Top questions which leaves me really annoyed:

(1) Why don't you go and lose weight/slim down?

This gets me really pissed off - what has it got to do with you? It's simply plain rude to ask people questions in the face like this! I'm not obese and I am healthy. My weekly kickboxing/hot yoga gives me flexibility and muscles and I simply feel comfortable and healthy, so stop commenting about my size or weight. If I didn't have an office job which puts me on my butt 8 hours a day and drains all my energy, I would have spent more time exercising. Who didn't wish that they had bodies just like supermodels? Would you prefer if I starved myself to look slim for you? Even my dad thinks I should lose weight - great.

(2) How much do you earn?

Why do people want to know this? Apart from my immediate family members and a selected few, I simply do not feel like telling everyone how much I earn. I get more annoyed when I evade their questions by saying things like 'market rate' and asking them 'why?' but they still don't get it and continue trying to ask the same question. Do you want to get a loan from me? Or do you want more juicy bits of gossip?

(3) When are you getting married?

It's 'THE' question at the moment - everyone wants to know when am I getting married and start giving all sort of advice and advantages of getting married and having kids early. Some even go on to say that it's 'unhealthy' to date for too long and I'm at a disadvantage. Who doesn't want to get married to someone they love and enjoy spending time together with? But nothing is that simple. If we could afford to get a place to stay NOW, I would get married NOW - I can give up all the other superficialities. Would you give me an apartment? But sadly, saving up to get a place to stay would take us at least another 5 years and I'll probably be an old and fat bride then. But that is my choice - I'd rather wait and work towards the kind of life I would like for the rest of my life than go along with what everyone wants for me and be miserable and trapped forever - if only people understood that, it's the rest of my life which I have to live.

(4) When are you finishing your ACCA?

It's a big deal for my family. Everyone wants to know, when will I be completing the 'prestigious' ACCA and that's probably the only reason why I am holding on and trying so hard. I won't pretend I enjoy it, I question why do I continue though I'm so sure I do not want to be an accountant. I'm halfway there but there's still a long way to go, yet people keep asking, or simply ask me to 'take more papers' so I can finish it sooner - yea right. Studying after work and trying to study during weekends is stretching me to my limits - I feel drained, stressed and tired. I'd really thank my lucky stars if I pass this damn paper. Worldwide passing rate for this paper - 24%. Singapore passing rate for this paper - 30%. My chance of passing? Probably 15%? I'd D.I.E. if I fail this again.

I simply feel stressed out, like I'm being pushed into a corner at all fronts.

Some people think that they are 'showing their concern' when they make negative comments about you - they're simply trying to 'remind' you. I was brought up in such a negative environment, yet it doesn't make these easier to cope. Some days, you're in a good mood, but suddenly, you get fired with comments like 'what happened? why is you skin so awful?', 'your thighs look so fat in this' - and then, I'm accused of being too sensitive when I get upset. *sigh!

I try very hard to be positive despite being surrounded by all these negativity. I'm a worrier, and I know I do not always say the nicest things. But I'd rather be honest with the people who really know me than put up a pretence. At least I try not to say any negative comments right into people's face. If I had nothing nice to stay, I'd rather keep quiet instead of telling them how fat they've become or how awful they look now.

Life is difficult enough in Singapore, with all the stress and overcrowding, why add more negativity to others' life?

I wished I did not complain so much nor feel lousy so often. But as much as I try, I feel swamped and happy moments are fleeting and does not stay long enough before practicalities weigh me down again. I miss the carefree and happy me.

I know happiness is a choice and needs constant effort, but I feel like I'm struggling to win and I'm tired fighting this battle. All I can do is, continue fighting and trying. If all else fails, my escape strategy is to take all my savings and roam the world when I turn 30!

Why does everything seem so difficult?