.::. 25 .::.

Today is the first day I'm officially a quarter-of-a-century old. How does it feel? Well, O.L.D..

For some reason, I dread turning 25 and it's the first time I really felt that I was, well, ageing. It's not like anything has changed, it's just that I really feel like I've crossed into yet another (important) stage of my life. I reckon the last time I feel relatively like this was the big 21st - the year I became an adult.

Reflecting upon my life the past 25 years, I guess I do not have many regrets. I do not believe in regrets. I have had a blessed life, despite all the times when I felt really down. Those seem trivial when I look at the big picture.

Honestly, the past year was probably my best year in my entire life. Spending a year studying in Europe and traveling was a dream come true. It was till the second half of my stay in Sweden that I really started to enjoy and appreciate being there. The first half of the year, I was busy feeling homesick and unsettled. Till January came, it suddenly felt like there wasn't enough time to enjoy the lifestyle there. There were so many moments which took my breath away, and I simply admired the sights infront of me. I was totally in awe, and it really felt like if life was measured by the number of moments that take your breath away, my life would have been worth living.

I've been lucky. I've met many great people in my life, no matter where I went. While I'm not a particularly expressive person, especially in-real-life, I really do cherish all those around me.

After taking a year off, it was also another transition back into working life to pay my dues. It wasn't easy, going from a stress-free lifestyle which I got used to, to a hectic lifestyle yet again. For the first time in my life, I recognized what stress felt like.

Going into my mid-twenties, it's seriously time to ponder about what I want my future to look like. If I could do things differently, I might prolly take up something I really enjoy and do mass communications in a Polytechnic instead. Afterall, I love writing and really wouldn't mind going around, covering different stories. It's till recently that I really felt that one can only excel in something one really loves and have passion in. These are things which parents and teachers do not seem to tell you. They would like you to believe that as long as you tried hard enough, anything is possible. But then again, if you didn't have passion in something, it's almost impossible to try hard enough!

I think it's time to follow my heart. I know myself really well, yet there are times which I try to do the 'right' thing and try to please others instead. Being away from home and my comfort zone has really made me understand myself and reflect on things alot more.

Another huge topic when one turns 25 is marriage. When am I tying the knot? Apparently not anytime soon. In all honesty, I am ready mentally. We have dated for 7 years afterall, and I'm as sure as I can be that he's 'the one'. For months after coming back from Sweden, that thought turned me off completely. I couldn't imagine lossing all my freedom and taking up all that responsibilities. All I felt like doing is run away. Yet a few months later, being surrounded by weddings and pregnancies, that joy is contagious. I feel so happy for these people around me that I think everyone should deserve these when they find the right one.

Just a few weeks back, I suddenly felt like 'having a baby'. It's just, a thought, a random feeling and I have no intention of doing it at all. I told they boyfriend, and he went like 'huh, you siao ar?!'

So that very well concludes the topic of marriage - it's a 5 year plan. Financially, we are not ready. He's probably not ready mentally either. It doesn't help that we can't get a HDB and have to get a condo. It's ridiculous, but that is the only way out. I can't accept anything less, and we simply have to work hard for it.

Sometimes, I wonder, is the person more important or the lifestyle after marriage more important. How much are you willing to sacrifice for someone you love? Will you be able to work everything out just because you love that someone? What if you really hate your life and what you have become after marriage? When it comes to weddings, it's not about the 2 of you - so is what you want for your dream wedding more important or what someone else want for your wedding that is more important?

I know that there are things which I can't compromise, and those are choices I made. I will stand by them and bear the consequences regardless of what they might be. In short, I'm not going into a marriage which I am not confident about!

Things I need to focus on going forward?

Being happy. Honestly, nothing else matters more in life than being happy and cherishing everyday. I shall try harder to make better choices, so that I can look back at my life and be satisfied with all I have done. Afterall, nobody's responsible for my own happiness other than myself.

Happy 25th to me.