.::. Reflections .::.

It has been 5 weeks since the U.S. trip, although it really feels like I only just got back.

It's also the 3rd month on my new job, although it doesn't feel quite as long.

It has been a year since I came back from Sweden, and obviously it feels like it just happened too.

Going into the mid-twenties, it seems like all we do is lament about how quickly everything seem to pass us by. Despite trying to make full use of every single day, cherishing every little moments, I still feel like I haven't done enough.

It's scary, when it has come to a point where you ponder about life and what you want out of it. How many more productive years do I have? Not many, before I settle down and be tied down by kids.

I am still trying to figure out what I would like to do with my life. I most definitely could not envision myself going to work like now for the next 30 years. I almost detest going to work, facing endless Excel spreadsheets and trying to make numbers match and reports accurate. I don't find any satisfaction from doing my job well. although it does give me a decent income for my needs. I can't find meaning in spending so many hours of my life in the office, in-front of the computer. I doubt I will be truly happy even when I climb up the corporate ladder, making more money.

I reckon that there are many people who could stay at a job they do not like for years, for the rest of their lives, as a means to an end. Yet I've this sinking feeling that this is simply not what I want, I'm not doing the right thing with my life. Part of me wonder, why am I wasting my life day-by-day? The down-to-earth side of me influenced very much by my upbringing tells me that I'm not ready yet, and it's better to have a stable job and income. Is it even possible to find a job that you really like?

I'm still searching, constantly seeking the right answer.

For now, there are so many possibilities, yet none feels right. Perhaps if I dream enough, have enough faith, I may find the answer. Till then, I pray for enough courage and strength to take the plunge and defy all forces which try to hold me back or bring me down.