.::. Our 9th Anniversary & 2nd Wedding Anniversary .::.

It was our 9^th anniversary 2 weeks back, also our 2^nd wedding anniversary and 12 years since we got to know each other. We went back to Morton’s for dinner as usual, our 4^th time there. We love their steak and the onion loaf, the service and free photo for memento and warm chocolate cake. I love how they print you a customized menu with your name and occasion on it, and serve their signature warm chocolate cake to celebrate your occasion. For some reason, the steak didn't taste as nice this visit.

He hand-made this beautiful frame for our bedroom. I had no clue when he did it though we're living together, perhaps when I was on my work trip. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't handmade anything for quite some time, and my lousy excuse is I do not have time and have run out of ideas over the years. I struggle to even think of gifts to get him these days, simply because he doesn't need nor want anything.

It’s amazing and surreal. It’s been 9 years. 9 years sound like a very long time.  We went through our teenage years, his army days, university days, working life. It’s unbelievable how time goes by and here we are, 2 grown adults, married with a home to call our own. I’m really grateful, for not everyone could find someone to trust and to rely on even searching for a whole lifetime, yet we found each other so early in life.

Love to me means many things over the years. Some things have changed and evolved, and it’s no longer that heart-fluttering kind of romance. Sometimes love means sacrifice and swallowing some things which you would never have done if not to protect someone you love. And more often than not, love means trying not to hurt them because that will hurt you even more.

After living together for the past year, we haven’t encountered much issues. Occasionally I grumble about how he doesn’t seem notice the mess at home, or simply find the lazy easy way out. Like that day, when he took out Chikey’s bed and floor mats that were dripping wet from the washer (due to some error with the washer). He simply hung all of them up, dripping wet, without trying to squeeze them dry. He did put some pails to ‘catch’ the water, but I woke up to a huge puddle of water in the yard and everything was still really wet when I came home in the evening. I had to wash them again and mop the floor. Other days, I notice that he does things for our home when I’m not around, things like changing light bulbs and our TV connector, cleaning the ceiling fan. When I’m sick he cooks porridge for me and when I was mugging my life away he bought me food. Sometimes he’s really thoughtful, and I’m most happy when both of us get busy cleaning up the home together, laughing and complaining away.

What I cherish the most is how he truly loves me for who I am and support me in achieving all my goals instead of trying to change or suffocate me with boundaries. He never held me back, he helped me to think through my choices and to go further. That was something I learnt from him early in the relationship, something that I’m trying really hard to give him. During those early years, we quarreled. There were times that I got really angry with him and I never ever minced my words, I always said exactly what I thought. He always avoided conflict and kept quiet, but I recognize his anger. He would look away and blink a lot, press his lips together as if to stop himself from saying things he will regret and had a really stiff stance. It was pointless going on and trying to get any response from him, because he simply clamp up. I slowly learnt that and made myself leave when that happens. It made me mad, because I always preferred to trash things out and know what each other thoughts were. There was once, when he sounded really hurt. He told me that he wished that I could love him for who he is. I took heart, I reflected, and since then, tried really hard to give him what he has given me – unconditional love. 

These days, even when we get angry with each other, things usually get back to normal after a night’s sleep. Nothing much is important enough for us to waste a day’s happiness together. When I got angry, his way of appeasing me was to buy breakfast the next day as I slept in and all's forgotten. We don’t nag each other much, and there’s little negativity at home, which makes home a very comfortable and peaceful place. I really hope that our home will always stay this warm and happy, even when kids come along. I grew up with a lot of negativity at home, and was a very unhappy child. We were brought up comfortably and I know my parents have given their best, but someone was always unhappy and screaming. Everyone loved me, but perhaps it’s simply family culture, and I struggled to manage all that negativity. I never felt unconditional love, part of me never felt good enough and it always felt like I had to earn that love with good results and behavior. The husband, having grew up in a very different environment, longed for peaceful and a happy home too. And a happy home is what both of us will work really hard to protect.

他们都说最幸福的事就是每天一张开眼就能看到最心爱的人在身边。那是我这一年来最幸福的事。 这辈子就手牵手一起走咯。