.::. Mothers' Day .::.

Technically, it was my first Mothers’ Day this year and it’s funny how people start wishing you ‘Happy Mothers’ Day’.  No, I don’t exactly feel like a mum yet, but I always envisioned what kind of mum I will be, or rather what kind of mother I hope to be. I don't agree that 'all mothers are the same', simply because they are all different.

I hope to accept my child as she is and love her unconditionally, regardless of her abilities and achievements. 

I hope to give her the best I can to nurture her and to inculcate the right values/skills.

I hope to give her a warm and loving family to come home to.

I hope that she will always feel secure and comfort at home.

I hope that she will be comfortable to confide in me and know that I will always listen.

I hope that she will never have to feel inadequate and insecure.

I hope that she will never have to hear me compare her to someone else better.

I hope that she will realize her strengths and accept her shortcomings.

I hope to put comfort food on the table where she can refuel after a long day.

I hope that she flourishes in the love of the husband and I, and find someone as wonderful as the husband.

I hope that she will never hear her parents screaming and cursing at each other.

I hope to be the mother that I always wished I had.

People always say that you'll understand your mum more when you have your own child.  I'm not sure about that. I never quite understood why my mum sometimes blame us for our existence and how we seem to be the cause of her misery.  I never understood why she never enjoyed making our house a home and complained incessantly over the years.  I never understood why she didn't enjoy cooking and doing housework for the family.  I never understood why she always compared us to other people's children and made us feel inadequate and not good enough for her love.  I never understood why she constantly pointed out our shortcomings and blamed us for everything under the sun, including falling sick.  Nothing seem to be enough, we were always too fat, too lazy, too everything.  I always envy people when they get to enjoy their mum's delicious home-cooked food.  My mum complains about my cooking when I spent the whole day cooking from scratch.

Tough love maybe.  I always felt that it's a miracle that I turned out mentally strong and being able to rise above these all.  For this, I have to be thankful.  I don't miss home nor the feeling at home where there's too much negativity.  I always looked forward to the day when I can have my own place.  When my mum first found out I was pregnant, she shared horror stories about pregnancy like how her friend had to be hospitalized and all - who tells a pregnant woman such things? And she said I was negative when I told her to stop sharing such negative things with me! 

Perhaps God is fair, and I'm thankful for what I have now.

I will keep these in mind, to remind myself not to put my child through all I've been through.